I really like that! I often speak before small groups and sometimes have difficulty hearing questions. I’m going to use that going forward. Thanks for the suggestion, Red!
This and other responses remind me of my wife, who has perfectly fine hearing EXCEPT she has difficulty hearing in the presence of background noise. So she prefers that there be only one conversation at a time in small gatherings, and has difficulty if there is loud music or other noise in the background. As I understand it, this is somewhat common, but it is difficut to diagnose in hearing tests, because there is no deficit in hearing per se.
As I am aware of my wife’s difficulty in this area, it continually surprises me how often in a small social gathering of 4-8 (6 being the preferred maximum size we prefer to host) there will be multiple conversations going on at the same time. Yeah, I understand that if 4-5 people are talking about something, 1-2 might not find that topic thrilling. But our preference is that competing discussions not spring up, and that people wait for a lull in the current conversation, before starting a whole new topic.
(No, of course I am not suggesting that we insist upon strict conversational “turn-taking”, have a “no-hijacking” rule, ban non sequiturs, or anything. Just another reason you all would likely wish to decline an invite to casa Dinsdale! ;))
I knew a guy at university who always talked ridiculously softly; I’d move closer to hear him and he’d move back, so I’d end up chasing him around the room. And I wasn’t the only one. Poor dude probably thought the world was full of close-talkers. 
But I have a similar problem in that my voice just isn’t clear. ESL speakers always struggle to understand me, which is a big problem in my job. I don’t know how to fix this - if I try to talk louder I just end up shouting. For in-person I think making sure to face whoever you are speaking to helps, but I’m still working on that.
In my job, I need to have audible recordings of conference calls and meetings. If someone is a low talker (with their voice not showing up on the recording levels or audible to other participants), I tell them the rooms are well-insulated, no one is going to bang on the door and tell them they are talking to loudly, so just use a strong outside voice. Not once have I encountered someone who COULDN’T speak audibly. I often encounter people who resist doing so.
I
It’s not a physical problem. I just don’t know how to talk louder without shouting. I don’t have a volume issue in general, but when I talk to people who have hearing loss it’s a problem and I really struggle to make myself heard.
I wonder if it’s related to my issue with proprioception? I’m constantly painfully bumping into things, and usually have 3 or 4 impressive bruises at any given time as a result. Difficulty judging volume is maybe similar to difficulty judging position.
I think hearing loss of one individual as opposed to low talking of another are not the same thing.
They can meet up, of course. But not always.
If a perfectly well hearing person or a few persons can’t hear someone, that’s the speakers issue.
If a person has hearing loss can’t hear people that is a them problem.
The low speaker should seek speech therapy.
The hearing loss person needs to mitigate the problem as much as they can. Aids, lip reading, mentioning without a snarky comment. If all else fails, walk away.
The problems are mutually exclusive of each other.*
Like I said, there can be meet ups, married folk, work problems.
I think both problems can be helped, to a degree.
If not, you have a legit disability. You need to recognize your disability and take action.
- I guess you could be unlucky enough to have both .
Most people’s tone shifts when they raise their volume. Consider positioning your ear closer to their mouth.
(Or not. I understand this is a social interaction issue. But my hard of hearing grandfather noted that moving closer can substitute for speaking louder.)
I have trouble modulating my volume. My husband used to constantly complain i was talking too loudly. Now he’s constantly complaining i don’t speak loudly enough. Partly, i think he has some hearing loss. Partly, he succeeded in training me to speak more quietly.
It does help if i face him. He’s probably lip reading. But it’s kinda a pain in the ass. I don’t have nearly as much trouble being heard by other people.
But, i really don’t have a good sense of how likely I’m talking. Asking me to speak up is helpful.
My ol’Granny was deaf. I mean stone deaf.
She would scream when she talked. We tried to tell her it wasn’t necessary.
I taught her a bit of sign language. She resisted listening to, mostly.
It was a comedy of errors for me to talk to her. I kept trying. Alot of times I would just show her or print it on paper what I needed to know and she’d yell the answer. I’d sign “I hear you”.
And we’d keep on that way.
It weren’t easy those last years.
I loved being with her tho’.
That’s me too. I also have tinnitus, so I have my own private sound machine that goes with me everywhere.
Plus I have a friend who admires the restraint of Europeans, who tend to lower their voices in public places, so she does the same thing. Except we’re not in Europe, and the places we tend to meet are busy restaurants and coffee shops with hard floors and walls, where the sound ricochets everywhere. I think every other sentence out of me is ‘What’s that?’ and ‘Can you say that again?’
I was on a flight years ago and my seat was a single seat exit row. What a wonderful experience!
But the flight attendant spoke to me and the guy on the other side regarding exit row stuff. She was a very quiet talker. I stopped her right away and asked her to speak up due to my hearing impairment.
She responded by speaking even quieter, for some reason.
Meanwhile, I was on my second leg of a long journey. I recognized the shit she was pulling, and stopped another flight attendant (the boss, I think), and complained to her, using the “reasonable accommodation” for my “disability” code words.
The other guy backed me up. He told her his hearing was fine, and when I asked the flight attendant to speak louder, she purposely spoke much quieter.
I received an apology and extra snacks.
Aaggh! This was annoying to me even before my ears got old. It’s even worse now.
It does seem to be much more common in women. I suspect some women were taught to never, ever, ever raise their voice.
Unfortunately, I can not do that at work to a customer.
I have encountered that. It’s helpful if people let you know that’s an issue, just like I would also tell such a person I’ve had some hearing loss. You know, I’ve worked around that. Sometimes we lean really close, far closer than we’d normally be to a stranger. Sometimes I try a little lip-reading. Make sure we’re actually facing each other. Pantomime. Being patient with each other.
What really cranks my handle is someone who, so far as I know (and they let anyone else know) there’s nothing wrong with them and they insist on speaking so softly they can’t be heard. Then, when asked to speak up, they lean in and speak even more quietly. WTF?
Yeah, that’s sort of non-specific. Certainly at work I usually lead with “I’m sorry, I don’t hear as well as I used to” (which is true).
I’m told this is more common as one ages. When I heard that from an audiologist I then said something like oh, I have old peoples’ ears? What, my ears need bifocals? She laughed a bit but basically, while my hearing is still technically in the “normal” range (right at the very, very bottom of it) when I last had it tested I really have had some loss compared to where I used to be and my brain has to work harder to decipher what’s going on in noisy environments. Also, sometimes there are changes in brain processing as well with age. I was also told this was hard to diagnose formally but definitely can be an issue as a person ages.
It’s entirely possible to have both problems in a single conversation.
Like I said, I have had my hearing tested - about two months ago. Technically, I don’t have a hearing problem, except I’m going to have more problems in noisy environments (like the store in which I work) than someone with better hearing. It’s not something a hearing aid is going to help, because hearing aids are known for NOT fixing the background noise problem or even making it worse (hence why high-end hearing aids have different modes of operation to try to get around some of that) Saying “I don’t hear as well as I used to” takes some of the onus off the other person so it’s less likely to be read as “I have a problem with you”.
When asked to speak up people need to speak up. Unless there’s a medical issue, in which case maybe we both need to work a little harder at communication
I suspect it is a problem with culture and upbringing as much as something requiring therapy. I know that was the issue with my mother-in-law who was notorious for speaking too softly to be heard. “A lady doesn’t raise her voice” - well, sure, but if you don’t speak audibly you’re going to be ignored.
I’m self employed. I do pretty much what I want, but walking away from a quiet talker is mostly something I do in social situations.
If after I’ve asked twice someone chooses to continue mumbling/whispering I don’t want to waste my time.
I have a student like this right now. She’s a good student, at least as far as I can tell from her written responses, but neither I nor her classmates can hear her. Which is a real problem, since it’s not only a small, discussion-based class, but also a Shakespeare class where I’m expecting them to try out at least a few scenes and speeches in performance.
I don’t want to push her too hard, since I think it’s either extreme shyness or perhaps an actual disability, but it’s getting really hard to make sure her ideas are included.
Or mumbles at you. While looking in another direction.
I work with a person that got the nickname ‘The Mumbler’
I used to go to personnel board meetings. One thing required was that talk about what your department is focused on.
About half the people would have a print out, look down at it and mumble it off. I suppose shyness is part of the problem there. I had to drop out of that group.
When you are with a group of 20 people, and need to communicate something, don’t fucking mumble. Project, speak a little louder than normal so the person on the other side of the room can hear you.
I am going to pick up my third pair of hearing aids on Monday. I have 16k invested in this. So I AM trying to ameliorate this. I’m doing my part. I also wear headphones when on a Teams/Zoom meeting and turn on CC.
I only ask that they speak in a normal tone, and adjust to the environment. But when turn the volume from two to eleven, yeah, it’s aggravating.
And frustrating for both people. Noisy restaurants are the worse.
I have aids, and also depend on body language. If someone mumbles at me when walking away, well, beats the heck out of me what they said. Perhaps they are just mumbling to themselves/talking to the dogs.
A very good friend and his wife and my wife went out to dinner recently. She and I both have hearing aids. She’s a low talker. My wife asked me ‘how could you hear her?’ (my wife has good hearing). Well I barely could.
I do everything I can to mitigate this. Don’t sit in a noisy part of a restaurant. Avoid face to face meetings so I have better volume control and CC.
Amen.
I teach English to middle school and high school students and many of them hate to say things wrong, so they low talk in class. It’s frustrating.
OTOH, as my mortified children always point out to me, my voice is always two notches too high for social situations.
In my life I’ve solved this.
I just don’t speak. I rarely talk to persons. I certainly never initiate conversation.
My family knows I’m like this and accommodate me nicely.
Medical people talk to my mouthpiece, Ivy or my daughter.
If I’m asked a direct question I’ll answer a short clippy answer. Anymore and they need to bring in an ASL interpreter.
Someone that I dearly love, but shall not name and shame, has a habit of mumbling and then getting annoyed; it frequently goes like this:
Them: mumble [mumble inaudible muttering] Thursday or Friday
Me: sorry, could you repeat the first part?
Them: THURSDAY!
Me: I didn’t hear the…
Them (interrupting and now shouting as if i am an idiot): THURS-DAY OR FRI-DAY WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK?
Mangetout, you are right on the money!
I wear hearing aids and have moderate hearing loss. But I do not wear my aids all the time.
My wife will frequently make a statement or ask a question in the following form:
“Sally mumble mumble next month mumble mumble.”
When I ask her to repeat, it comes out like this:
“SALLY mumble mumble NEXT MONTH mumble mumble.”
In essence, she is “ducking” most of her words and emphasizing what she believes are the essential words. And this is very, very common with many people. Yes, I get that you’re saying something about Sally and next month. But is she moving? Is it her birthday? Does she want to have lunch with us? Am I supposed to bury her husband? What?