Every now and then you’ll see a kinky personal ad or web posting that seeks an uber-attractive stranger to have sexual relations with one partner of an established, faithful couple while the other member eagerly looks on. According to the ads, both members of the couple are honky-dory with this arrangement. In fact, they often imply that their little twosome-com-spectator romp will ultimately make their relationship happier and stronger.
Now I’m not talking about solicitaions for threesomes here, where everyone joins in on the fun. That I can understand. The arrangement in question involves a largely passive observer, who is turned on by – or, at least, approves of – the sexual interaction of his partner and the stranger.
Typically the solicitation is for a hot guy (although I think I’ve seen requests for women, too). This normally would make me suspect the whole thing is a scam to lure horny single men into some quasi-prostitution trap. But maybe not. I remember that during my Club Med days a co-worker, the club’s very well-built tennis instructor, told me that some guest paid him $200 to have sex with his not unattractive wife. I don’t recall if the husband watched them go at it or not, but either way, hubby was delighted to have some strange stud bang the daylights out of his wife.
I’m tolerant and imaginative and nonprudish enough to “get” most kinks, even the ones I would never enjoy myself. But for the life of me, the appeal of this one escapes me. What is the mental or emotional or sexual motivation of the partners in the couple? (No need to explain what’s in it for the third party. Already got that part figured out!)
I hope I’m not sounding critical or judgemental here, because that’s not my intention. I’m just trying to fight my own ignorance. Please help!
They think their partners are attractive and they want to see them having sex in third-person perspective, which is completely different from the standard second-person perspective. I’ve had fantasies like that about my ex-BF. It’s the same as wanting to videotape or photograph your sessions.
I can’t help but think that it’s a hidden plea to get out of the relationship. If my husband ever approached me with this request, I’d take it as an implied request for a divorce.
Sounds like simple voyeurism, which is about as vanilla a kink as I can imagine.
Think of it this way. Hubby and wife are happily married. Hubby thinks that his wife is very sexy. Hubby also like watching porn, because he likes watching sexy women have sex. Hubby likes porn enough that he’d like to watch his sexy wife have sex. But when he’s having sex with her, he can’t really see her. So he can do two things: he can have sex with his wife by himself and tape it, and then watch the tape. But that means looking at himself naked, too, which might make him self-conscious, or he may simply not like the way amateur video looks, regardless of subject matter. Shooting good video isn’t very easy, after all, especially if you’re using a fixed camera on a tripod. So, his other option is to find some other dude to have sex with his wife while he watches. This has the advantages of both not having to watch his own pasty white ass thrusting at his wife, and of being more immediate than watching it on video, in that he gets the full range of sights, sounds, and odors, and not just whatever happened to be in front of the stationary camera at the time. Plus, the eyeball has much better resolution than the camera lens.
It could work the other way, as well: making the submissive partner watch in frustration while the dominate partner gets their jollies with the third party.
Maybe, but not likely. It could very well be that your husband has an honest love for you, a desire to stay with you in your marriage, and an interest in indulging in this sort of kink. The fact that he wants you to be involved in his kink is actually a good sign, as he wants you to keep you involved in his sex life. If he really wanted out of your marriage, he’d be looking for someone to fuck while you weren’t around.
I could rationalize it until the cows came home, but in my gut, I just couldn’t be with a guy who wasn’t bothered, and furthermore was turned on, by the thought of me fucking someone else while he watched. I wouldn’t want that for myself, and, since he wanted it, I would assume that this was an indicator that we had differing expectations of what a marital union meant, and that he was meant to be with someone who shared his views, that someone being someone other than me. :rolleyes:
I’m very thankful that I don’t have a fetish because they all seem like a lot of work and I’m much too lazy. Not to mention all the shopping you’d have to do.
I have a friend who worked for a phone sex company used to tell me about some truly bizarre fetishes, so I think I’ve heard them all.
The funniest fetish she told me about was a guy who was a macrophile. She used to have to pretend she was a giant woman walking around smashing houses. Hilarious.
Here’s more info about it.
Met one guy who was the “invited third wheel”.
Apparently the guy who invited him to “do my wife” was a real jerk.
The guy I met was… now living with the wife, original husband nowhere in sight, except stalking both of them.
So, yes, they exist. But I’m staying far, far way.
I’ve had a varied sex life. Variety adds spice, but you have to be comfortable w/ it. Fulfilling fantasies can be fun, but it can also go to far and cause a rift, or worse. The best definition I’ve heard of “kinky” is: anything that you wouldn’t do.
Here is another take on this. A friend of mine (yes, really a friend, not me) answered one of those. The husband was in some sort of accident and couldn’t perform. He got enjoyment out of his wife getting enjoyment from someone else. The had come to an agreement that she could only do it while he was there. Whatever works.
I was asked by a couple to have sex with the woman while the guy watched, for the enjoyment of both parties. The couple wasn’t married, though. I turned them down, but only because I was seeing a woman at the time. She was actually cool with the whole thing, but since she also had a thing for the woman, she wanted to join in with the two of us while the guy watched. The other woman wasn’t into girls though, and would have preferred that my girl hook up with the other guy, but my girl wasn’t interested in him.
My girl wouldn’t have minded if I had done it, but she wanted to be there, and she’d feel too uncomfortable if she and the other guy were just kind of sitting there watching. So out of deference to my girl, I passed.
I have a friend who answered a personal ad for swingers.
What would happen is he would go over to their house, party down, then as the evening came to a close, the wife and my friend would go into the back bedroom and have at it.
My friend and the husband actually got along pretty well. After awhile when they finally felt comfortable enough around each other to let there gaurd down, he asked the husband: “What’s in this for you?” to wich he responded: “Dude you’re doing me a favor. My wife’s a nymph, I’m an old man that can’t get it up like I used to and I sure as HELL aint gonna drop a hundred bucks for a bottle of pills just so I can have sex with my wife, when you’ll do it for free…”
I actually read a theory about this once (maybe in Savage Love?) that posited that there’s an evolutionary/biological component to this fetish; the idea is that a man who sees another man copulating with his own wife will then be able to have a greater orgasm and produce a greater amount of semen in order to evolutionarily “beat” the other guy’s semen to the egg. The better/bigger orgasm becomes linked to viewing the action in the husband’s mind, and the kink is born.
While this really doesn’t do it for me (quite the opposite in fact) I can see the appeal. Like others pointed out, there’s the voyeur factor, sans camera/telescope/window peeping. There’s also channeling aggression into sexual response, providing “safe” affairs within a marriage, a possible heightened response to flood out competitor sperm, and maybe finding some new thing that your partner really gets off on that you never would have discovered on your own.
This reminds me of a Bloom County cartoon, which I unfortunately can’t find a link to:
“Single, sincere white female, 43, wishes to meet single, sincere, limber Eskimo who’s into tattoos, bananas, gargling Windex, Barry Manilow inflatable dolls, cactus, sleeping with large tomatoes, and snake wrestling in Jell-o pudding. No freaks.”