Kinky or not? What say you?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Bit of background to begin with.

From as far back as I can recall I’ve always been what is commonly referred to as a ‘kinky person’ – or a pervert, depends on whom you ask – and have regularly used my sexual encounters/relationships to as a means to live out my fantasies. I’ll also note that that I’ve been quite openly involved in the BDSM community for the past seven to eight years of my life as that’s where I feel most comfortable in terms of my sexuality and the opportunity to find like-minded people.

Preamble aside, I’d like to make clear that I am not opening this thread with the intention of looking for validation and/or reading moral judgments on what it is I do, but rather for the opposite reason.

What I’d like to know is how many people here in Doperland actually act on bringing their fantasies to life and how many of you are reticent – for whatever reason – to look for ways of doing the same. Along those same lines I’d also be interested if some of you could share:

**A-**Specific fantasies/kinks you’d like to try

**B-**If you haven’t, what stops you from doing so.

IOW, exactly how open are you about your sexuality and what limits do you establish for yourself and your partners – and why.

To kick off the thread, I’ll volunteer some kinks of mine that have become not just fantasies come true, but such an integral part of who/what I am that I am fairly sure they’d have to play a role in any relationship I happen to be involved in:

[ul]
[li]Elements of Dominance and submission. I’ve found that for me, this is the best pathway to exploring the mental side of sex. Which of course, is the main reason I enjoy sex to begin with.[/li][li]Although exclusively monogamous and hetero for all of my 46 years, I require a partner with an open mind towards bisexuality and polyamory. [/li][li]Hi Opal! BTW, just how kinky are you? :wink: [/li][li]As related to point number two, I am openly voyeuristic. Noticed I said openly, and only interested in doing so with willing partners. Meaning I get along very well with exhibitionist.[/li][li]In my case, clothing and adornments can and should be considered an additional kink. These would include high heels, fetish clothes, make-up and jewelry – piercings optional.[/li][/ul]

In closing, I’ll note that thirty years ago I wouldn’t have been as specific or demanding, but what I’ve learned in those years is to find my own limits, i.e., likes and dislikes. So what you’re reading is where I am at today. Not written in stone mind you, life’s but a journey of continuous exploration.

So, what say you? Kinky in mind only, do you let it all out, or are you somewhere in between?

2

This thread is better suited for IMHO. I’ll move it for you.

Cajun Man - SDMB Moderator

3

Hmm…I could have sworn that’s where I posted it to begin with.

What’s next? I see dead people? :wink:

Thank you, Cajun Man, and my apologies for the trouble.

4

Does wanting to sleep with identical twins count as kinky?

5

Remember the old saying:
“it’s only kinky the first time”

unclviny

6

I have always pursued a fantasy/role playing in my sex life with my partners. (and when alone) Mrs. Z knows all of my kinks and performs most of them.

I also try to get my partner to explore her fantasies but it seems to me that the women who have had sex with me are a little shy about their own fantsies. (or each of them amazingly have very similar fantasies to me)
What I’d like to try

Group sex in some form.

What stops me.

Well I think repurcussions would not be good. I am married and I’m pretty happy with my sex life. If I were single I would probably go for it.

7

How old is that saying? Did grandad want to sleep with identical twins too?

8

Remember - using the feather is kinky

using the chicken is perverted

9

I got into anal sex with my last boyfriend. It was just something we ended up trying out of curiosity that added more interest to the sex. We also got into a habit of one of us tying the other up [it was usually him tied up] and then teasing them sexually until they could barely contain themselves, then proceed with sex while the first person was still tied up. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to convince too many people to go along with that one, and the first one is something reserved for the people who can avoid being idiots about it… ie, if I don’t think you’re gonna be able to handle it, the you don’t get to try.
At one point in time I would like to try sex with two guys at once. That would also take a lot of trust for the people involved not to be idiots about it.

10

This is something I’ve fantasized about.

11

oh kay.

i’ve done quite a bit of stuff.

bondage, with 2 guys at once, with girls, in public, with toys, photography, dress up, that sort of thing.

but to be honest, i’m most fulfilled with fairly vanilla stuff with the LOML.

not vanilla vanilla, but not hardcore kinky by any means.

PS i’m 20. if that matters.

12

Well, I doin’t consider my self kinky, but my GF does. Unfortunatly, we never act out any fantasies that either of us have. For instance, I would like to try anal and sex with two women. She likes tied up sort of stuff, and wants to try sex with two guys. She is VERY against anal, for reasons which are both valid yet stupid at the same time (she says it hurts. True, but the only time she has done it was with an old boyfriend, and they did iy when she was drunk, and didn’t use any…well…lubrication. So yea, it will hurt if done the right way, but not nearly as much as tyhat first time.) I am against the tying up thing because I don’t like the feeling of being helpless, and I don’t want to put that feeling on anyone else, even if they say they want it.

And, of course, we are both quite heterosexual, so we are threatened and put off by the thought of having sex with another member of the same sex.

13

I want to catch a female rhesus monkey. I’ll name her Gonzina.
I’ll feed her drugs to keep her in constant heat, and I’ll have her whole body shaved, and I’ll make her my little love monkey.

Other than that, and a little bondage, I’m pretty normal.

14

From the small sampling of responses already given I can see where finding a working definition of the word “kink” might be necessary.

I think for the purposes of this thread, the word can be best described as anything and everything that each of you want it to mean. For instance, I understand that some extreme orthodox sects will only have intercourse with a suitably perforated sheet between the two partners – so for them, I’d imagine turning on the lights and running around naked might turn out to be the apoplexy of kinkiness. Never mind invading the different body orifices with all kinds of foreign objects.

Point being, kinky is whatever you think deviates from your usual comfort point – whether that behavior becomes “normal” to you over time, is not my concern here. Whether you acted on it (the kink or fantasy) or not, is. Hope I’ve managed to make that clear.

Where I personally draw the line into what is “acceptable” or not, is when the behavior can be psychologically and physically determined to be extreme and harmful to the participants. In that sense, I am certainly not comfortable with some aspects of S&M – then again, it (S&M) is both out of my range of interest and qualifications.

I’ve also noticed a very typical reaction that pops up when this topic is openly discussed either on-line or IRL. Namely, many people resort to making light jokes and/or innuendoes. A response very much in line with the way we normally act when not quite comfortable with a given situation/topic. Mind you, this is neither here nor there, it just is. But IMHO worth pointing out as some people might not be aware of said response.

Lastly, I’d like to ask some follow up questions to some of the people that post on the specifics of their choices/behavior. However, I don’t want to put anyone on the spot without having their permission first. In that vein, I’d appreciate if you could mention in your posts whether it would be OK to do so. Obviously, I welcome any questions directed my way as well.

So far, there are three people (four counting myself) that have been fairly open about pursuing their fantasies – and four noncommittal.

Most interesting. I thank you all for posting.

15

I Love Mr. Friedman!

16

An old GF and I did this quite a bit and I was usually the one tied up. She took great delight in tickling me while I was tied up too, something I normally can’t stand but under the circumstances it was really… different. Unfortunately I’ve not come across that many women who aren’t weirded out by the idea. (My SO was so freaked when I first suggested it that I’ve never brought it up again.)

We also liked going outside and having sex on her deck. It was (usually) after dark and we weren’t really where anyone would normally see us but we were potentially in view of other people. Don’t know that anyone ever saw us. We also went outside the tent on a few camping trips but I’m not sure if that counts.

Another GF liked to have me ejaculate either onto her (usually her breasts) or onto myself, then have me lick her clean or her lick me (depending on who was on the receiving end). Surprisingly erotic, but she was the only one I’ve ever met who was into that particular activity.

17

Guess I am failing to communicate.

Relating an experience per-se is not what I am after – it really tells me nothing as to what and how got you there in the first place. What I’d like to know is if you’ve pursued your fantasies. And if you haven’t, why not.

For instance, tanstaafl writes:

And that’s the part that interest me. By writing ‘unfortunately’ I get the sense that A-this person enjoyed the experience the first time but now B-he faces a potential conflict of interest.

What to do? Repress the interest because the partner finds it “weird” or leave him/her and find someone else who doesn’t? Or the most common of options, use it as an excuse to cheat on your partner because “there are some thing I can’t do with him/her”?

As for relating specific kinks, no need to give a blow by blow account (pardon the bad pun) Most have names, like exhibicionism, D/s, S&M, bondage, ménage à trois, fetishes in general, polyamory, etc., etc. That’s all that’s needed.

Hope that makes it a bit clearer. Thanks again.

18

Oh so you want a clean sex thread? You’ve come to the wrong place, bud. :smiley: The SDMB doesnt know the meaning of a clean sex thread! :wink:

My husband and I do expirament with light bondage, where I am usually the one tied up. However, we don’t get to expiriment much because there are a lot of people in my house, so we are never in the house together, alone. It would be too difficult to explain to my mom why I’m tied spread-eagle across the bed! :smiley:
One fantasy I have not shared with my husband is my rape/overpowered fantasy. I’m such a controlling person (ie I like to stress out about things… if I don’t have anything to stress out about, I stress out! :smiley: ) that I think it would be nice to have someone not only take control, but force me to let go of any control I would have. This is why I am attracted to bondage, however, I don’t think my husband realizes just how deep these little dark thoughts of mine go…
Yes, I’m open to follow-up questions. If it’s something you don’t want plastered all over the board, though, email me at liirogue@aol.com and put like SDMB in the subject line so I won’t delete it as junk mail.

19

I guess it depends on how important a certain sexual preference is to you. Is it just a fantasy? Or is it something that you need in order to fully enjoy sex.

I once dated a man who had a fantasy of dressing as a woman (in the bedroom only) and pretending to be an Avon lady. He had been in a relationship for many years prior to us meeting. His girlfriend was not comfortable indulging him in this fantasy. They eventually broke up and it had nothing to do with his sexual preferences. He felt fulfilled sexually even though he couldn’t explore that particular activity with her.

Kinky, shminky. Who’s to say what’s normal and what isn’t? As long as no one is being forced to do something that they don’t want, I say anything goes. IMO people take sex much too seriously. It should be spontaneous and fun, with no right or wrong way to do it and no keeping score. It should be an escape from life’s everyday stress and pressure.

I know you didn’t ask but, my fantasy is to be a virgin again and to be touched as though I were a one of a kind piece of art that may break unless handled verrry delicately.

Honey

20

So I am learning :slight_smile: In the past, I’ve stayed away from the sex threads – and I think it fairly obvious – not because I am a prude, but because I’d much rather be doing something than reading about it. Not to mention that I do believe there’s such a thing as TMI – especially when it is not requested.

Anyhooo…lemme take advantage of your kind offer. And since it works both ways, anything you don’t feel like answering here, just use the e-mail under my nick if you wish to repond that way.

**

Even worse if you make a mess with the knots. Imagine having to call fire rescue :o

**

Great stuff the above. Just what I wanted.

For one thing, you’ve already shown your husband the tendencies by allowing (or, more likely from what you’re saying, pushing for it) yourself to be tied-up. So, the question is/are, what stops you from opening the communication further? Are you afraid of being ‘labeled’? And how strong would you say your ‘little dark thoughts’ are? Because, in the end, they are neither dark or light, they are simply “you.” Lots to explore and learn there – why would you (anyone) give it up?

That’s the “journey” I spoke about in the OP. Seems to me, many (most?) people are sexually repressed for one reason or another – and that’s the core issue I’m trying to get to here. For instance, I happened to notice the number of views this thread has Vs the actual number of posts. Can’t say I am surprised it has one of the lowest, if not the lowest, rate of posts per views.

Sex obviously sells but it’s still taboo in many ways – and I find that very harmful.

Again, appreciate your candor. Look forward to your response.