Smashing Pumpkins - by starlight
Dead eyes, dead eyes
Are you just like me?
Her eyes, her eyes were as vacant as the seas, yeah
Dead eyes, dead eyes
Are you just like me?
Could these jokes get any cornea?
Darkon: Another friend of mine is considering iSurgery too; her contacts aren’t working anymore.
MamaZ: I know you’ll be nervous, but try not to lash out at the nurses. A few good jokes will help to break the eyes. They’ll teach you about wound care, so be a good pupil and they’ll patch you right up. You know I’ll be dropping in to check on you. Iris you a speedy recovery!
. . . and one I stole from the interwebs:
Eye puns aren’t real puns, they’re just optical allusions.
Some people think puns are lowbrow.
They lack vision.
They’re not gonna put ya in the I.C.U., are they?
Well, at least not at first.
Eyes of Sarah Jane - The Jayhawks
Ahem.
Yours was a foot joke. 
:d&r:
Man gets into an accident at the machinist’s shop and his eye is seriously injured. The doctor tells him the eye can’t be saved, but lots of people live normal lives with only one eye. In fact there’s a great new artificial eye out–space age polymers, very realistic, very comfortable. Co-pay is $1000. The guy doesn’t have the money, he had very little saved and he doesn’t know when he’ll work again. Fine, says the doc, we have the glass eye. Not as realistic, a little uncomfortable, but it gets the job done. Co-pay is $500. Guy swallows hard and asks if there’s anything that’s completely covered by insurance. Doctor says well, we have a carved wood eye. Not very realistic and pretty uncomfortable, but no co-pay. The guy chooses the wood eye.
Immediately he regrets the choice, but he doesn’t have the money to do anything about it. He feels like people are mocking him and looking at him funny because of the wood eye. He becomes reclusive and takes a job as a night janitor so he doesn’t have to interact with anyone. But he’s lonely, and would like to finf a girlfriend. He tells himself, you’ve got a great personality, quick wit, surely you can get past this and find someone.
So one night he goes out to a bar. He knows this place is dimly lit, so his wood eye won’t be as noticeable. Music’s playing and people are dancing, but he’s still too shy to talk to anyone. Then he spots a woman by herself at the end of the bar. She’s got a harelip. The guy thinks, well, there’s no way she’s going to turn me down, even with my wood eye. So he walks over and says, “Would you like to dance?”
The woman is shocked and delighted. “Would I? WOULD I?”
Horrified, the man shouts “HARELIP! HARELIP!”
Very good! Consider me punished.
It’s nice that you’re going with the jokes and the songs. Eye surgery slide shows can be a bit much.
I trust it all went well, and there was no catastrophic error that would make this appropriate:
Wide-eyed and Legless
Crap. I just ordered a new Android!!
And interpretive dance just confuses them
Instead of telling everyone you’re getting cataract surgery, tell them you’re getting an opterectomy.
When they ask what an opterectomy is, tell them you’re getting the nerve that connects your eyeballs to your asshole cut so you won’t have such a crappy* outlook.
- Choose your own synonym.
Well, in about 6 hours I need to stumble out of bed, start taking eye drops, and head over to the surgery center. I’ll be armed with the following playlist (sorry for the formatting, couldn’t be bothered to pretty it up). I got a 25 dollar iTunes card from Costco and bought songs I liked (from the above) until I ran out of money from the card. Got a whole Parsons album - surprisingly, we didn’t have that one (we have most of their others). Also added quite a few we already owned.
1 I Only Have Eyes for You 3:22 Doo Wop Classics, Vol. 1 The Flamingos
2 Private Eyes 3:38 The Very Best of Daryl Hall & John Oat… Daryl Hall & John Oates
3 Hungry Eyes 4:08 Dirty Dancing (Original Motion Picture … Eric Carmen
4 Doctor My Eyes (Remastered) 3:20 The Next Voice You Hear - The Best of … Jackson Browne
5 Blinded By the Light 3:49 Best of Vol 1 Manfred Mann’s Earth Band
6 Behind Blue Eyes 3:43 The Ultimate Collection The Who
7 Windy 2:56 The Association: Greatest Hits The Association
8 True Colors 3:43 TM One The University of Maryland Treble Mak…
9 Autumn Is In Her Eyes 3:33 Prodigal Son Mike Cross
10 In Your Eyes 5:30 So Peter Gabriel
11 These Eyes 3:48 Best Of The Guess Who The Guess Who
12 Carnival Eyes 4:05 Rei Momo David Byrne
13 Demon Eyes 4:09 Demon Eyes - Single of the Week The Answer
14 Open Your Eyes 5:38 Eyes Open Snow Patrol
15 History Has Its Eyes On You 1:37 Hamilton: An American Musical - Origi… Hamilton Original Broadway Cast
16 My Eyes 2:48 Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog (Motion … Neil Patrick Harris & Felicia Day
17 Thru The Eyes Of Ruby 7:38 Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness… Smashing Pumpkins
18 Handel: Messiah, HWV 56 - Then Shall … 0:28 Handel: Messiah Kaaren Erickson, Sylvia McNair, Etc.; Ro…
19 Final Eyes 6:26 Big Generator Yes
20 Lily’s Eyes 3:10 The Secret Garden: The Original Broad… The Secret Garden Cast
21 Snake Eyes 3:15 The Turn Of A Friendly Card The Alan Parsons Project
22 Black Widow’s Eyes 3:07 Endless Wire The Who
23 Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You 3:25 With A Twist (Deluxe Amazon MP3 Exc… Straight No Chaser
24 Brown Eyed Girl 3:05 The Essential Van Morrison Van Morrison
25 Pachelbel: Canon (With Ocean Sounds) 50:18 Pachelbel Canon With Ocean Sounds Anastasi
26 Sirius 1:55 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
27 Eye In the Sky 4:36 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
28 Children of the Moon 4:51 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
29 Gemini 2:10 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
30 Silence and I 7:20 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
31 You’re Gonna Get Your Fingers Burned 4:22 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
Music to see by Page 2 of 2
Name Time Album Artist
32 Psychobabble 4:52 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
33 Mammagamma (Instrumental) 3:34 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
34 Step By Step 3:54 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
35 Old and Wise 4:55 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
36 Sirius (Demo) 1:53 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
37 Old & Wise (Eric Woolfson Guide Vocal) 4:31 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
38 Any Other Day (Studio Demo) 1:41 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
39 Silence & I (Early Version) [Eric Woolfs… 7:33 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
40 The Naked Eye 10:48 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
41 Eye Pieces (Classical Naked Eye) 7:51 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project
42 Eyes Without a Face 4:57 Greatest Hits Billy Idol
43 Look in Her Eyes 4:12 Blood Red Roses (Deluxe Version) Rod Stewart
44 Harvester of Eyes 4:41 Secret Treaties Blue Öyster Cult
You missed Suddenly I See.
She overlooked it.
[del]I see what you did there.[/del] No. Not going there.