It started innocently enough. The box of discs on the dining room table – I took it to the office. The dust mask filters Steve left there – to the workshop. The plant looked a little thirsty – I watered it. The furniture was a bit dusty… and before I knew it, I’d dusted and vacuumed the entire room!! Even the chair rail!
Next it was the kitchen. Put the peanut butter back in the cabinet. Put the box of pasta into the pantry – the dark, cool pantry – no one would know, no one could find out – it was my guilty secret. Then the dishes – clean to the cabinets, dirties to the dishwasher. Papers and bottles to recycling. Purse put away. Throw rugs shaken out over the porch rail. Floor swept. Floor completely bare – I couldn’t help myself. I filled the bucket with hot, soapy water. I got the sponge mop. Long slow strokes, hot and wet. Renewing, restoring, invigorating… I glistened with sweat and I knew I couldn’t stop.
Laundry room – haven of the dogs. Another rug shaken, another floor swept and mopped. Pail of lint discarded. Water dish refilled. Sleeping blankets shaken. Baseboards vacuumed. No pause, no rest, driven on…
… to the living room. Magazines begged to be stacked, cushions to be fluffed, tables to be dusted, carpet to be vacuumed. All the pens and pencils are put away. The coasters are in neat little piles. Videos are closeted. So tidy, so very tidy…
I had to break away. This is not me. This is not right. Cleanliness is not next to godliness – it’s next to impossible!! I am possessed!! I’m confused! What is wrong??
The bedroom beckons. “Fresh sheets! Clean, fresh, wonderful smelling sheets – all for you tonight when you go to bed. Unmussed, unwrinkled, unslept upon – just for you. You can even flip the mattress – it won’t take a moment. Think how comfy it will be…” And the dresser: “It will take no time at all to tidy the top of the dresser. Soon you can see the wood again! Just think – a clean expanse of rich brown, unsullied by months-old greeting cards and receipts and bits of paper that made their ways from pockets to dresser… you know you want to!” And just beyond, there’s the master bathroom…
Please, please, I’m begging. If you have any humanity, any compassion, any pity – please stop me! Stop me before I clean again!!!
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