Thank you all for your advice and observations, it has been very helpful. I spoke with a new minister today, for almost two hours. He is much more understanding of my situation, and helped me understand that relationships with god are different things to different people.
He told me problems like mine are occurring, on a more frequent basis, due to modern medicine. He hugged me and told me that the fact that I will not abandon my husband fulfills my “till death due us part” vow. I was told not to abandon my faith in god, but to pursue my happiness. After all the Christian faith is one that is meant to bring joy to ones heart, not sadness.
I am sorry if my post was seen as confusing, or pointless to some, but most here understood what I was talking about and I appreciate their input. I didn’t want anyone to solve this for me, just their observations.
Emarkp I apologize for calling you a radical, you are entitled to your opinion ,as I am entitled to disagree. I will say your hard line inflexible views represent a small percentage of the views here and the views of the people in my church. That of course is fine, you are embracing Christianity at a level comfortable to you, I wish you all the best.
Once again thanks to all , I am going to my new church this Sunday , and this Sat night I am going dancing , and now I must go shopping ,for the first time in years I am happy ,I almost forgot what smiling felt like.
Bye thanks and god bless Linda