I really need some advice or maybe a similar story or just an ear.
I met this girl over a year ago in college. We had the same math class together and we began studying together. Months gone by and we became really good friends. Never more than that and we both said that we were not looking for anything. She was living with her ex boyfriend of 12 yrs and had to daughters with the same guy. She was not happy with him and said that they lived together but not sleeping in same bed and that she was seeing this other guy that she had went to high school with at the time. The thing is , that guy was married. We had talked about it before and I told her that he would never leave his wife for her. She continued on with him. It never bothered me because I had no interest in her like that . I knew so much of her and how she treated guys and she told me that she would be trouble if we ever hooked up.
One night she called me and was all upset and said that she needed a place to stay because she didnt want to go home. I told her to come over and she said that she didnt want me to ask questions and that she just needed me to be there for her and wanted me to hold her until she fell asleep. That is what i did. There was a few other times like that where she called on me and I was always there for her like a good friend would be. I even needed her a couple times and she allowed me to stay at her house. Never crossing that line. Well one time , it happened and we were intimate. I thought for sure that would end things but it didnt. We stayed good friends and in fact it happened a couple more times.
Then it happened . I began to grow feelings for my best friend. It was eating away at me. I had to tell her. I didnt know how to. I kept hinting at the fact that i had fallen in love with her but she just wasnt getting it or just wasnt leading on that she knew. Finally one day, she asked me why i was being short with her and why i was avoiding her. I told her that i was in love with her.
We had this long discussion and she told me that she didnt feel the same for me . That really killed me . She said that she didnt want our friendship to change and that she understands how i feel etc. It has been tough ever since.
For this past month it has been nothing but upsets for me . I thought that i could handle things and remain the same . A few weeks ago, I was over her house and we started kissing and she stopped me and told me that she did not want to confuse me . I told her that it was fine. So we slept together. That next morning, I was so confused and we talked. She just said that she wasnt ready for a relationship and that she wants me to be happy and not wait for her because she isnt right in the head . Well just two nights ago , I was over her house and again it happened. I began kissing her on the couch and she stopped me and asked , what we were doing ? she continued to say that we are friends and that we shouldnt do this anymore etc. I asked her why she had this wall up and why she didnt feel for me. She told me that she was still seeing that married guy and that her heart belongs with him.
My heart dropped to the ground. She seen how sad i was , hearing that and even asked me if that made me sad. She said the way i felt for her is the way she feels for that guy. I could not believe it. I told her that I wanted to go home . I started to go and she grabbed my arm and didnt want me to go home. She said that she wanted to sleep with me. We went to the bedroom and started to become intimate but all i could think of was what she just had told me. It really hurt me . It was a good night intimate wise but the drive home was a long one.
I got home at 4 am and did not sleep the whole morning. I waited till 10 am and i called her. I had to know what it was that i did or didnt have for her that she wanted from that married guy. here i was. Never married, no kids , going to school , her daughters get along with me etc… She tells me again that she isnt ready for a relationship. I told her that I didnt want that right now . That what i wanted was just a little bit of hope that there was a possibility that it might happen later. She just said that she was sorry . That she was interested in this guy.
Then I asked her, are you not attracted to me ? She told me NO… I just dont understand that . How is it that she would be intimate with me if there was no attraction? I personally could not be intimate with a girl that I have no attraction for.. I mean maybe once but not 3 or 4 times. I am not understanding this. She says that I am not her “type”. I asked her, what her type was. She is 35 and her ex is 47 yrs old. She said that she ends up with these big white guys with blue eyes.. Her ex was this big burly , hairy guy with blue eyes. I am sure he was a nice guy but he wasnt what i thought was her type. She tells me that i am cute but she isnt attracted to me. Is that a nice way to say that i am ugly or somethng???
It really confuses me that she would be intimate with me and we are very passionate but yet she says im not her type. Is it because she doesnt want a relationship with me but enjoys being intimate with me. Or maybe she isnt too sure that this MARRIED guy will ever leave his wife so she wants to keep me on a short leash , tell me that im not her type so that i dont become attached to her. I dont know .
I just know that i told her that I need to not see her for a while and she didnt like that . She asked me if i still wanted to be her friend and I told her that I didnt want that to change and that I told her in the past that I would be her friend forever and i didnt want this to change things. I just need time right now and then maybe we can become friends again. But I find myself missing her so much these past couple days and want to pick up phone and call her but I know its best to let things cool off a bit. I just dont know what to do afterwards.
Do I continue to become intimate or just leave that off as well. I love her so much and it hurts that she says that she just sees me as her best friend and nothing more. Any suggestions please. I am so lost here . Please, maybe some advice from girls please. Maybe to what she is possibly thinking and is there a chance that she misses me or will miss me enough to change things? she had told me that she was going to give me time but that she would text me everyday to bug me so that I dont let her go. I know that they say let them go and if they come back , its meant to be. But the prob is that if she comes back, how am I supposed to if its because she misses me as a friend or that she wants to grow on what I had told her. Is it possible that just because she says im not her type , that she could possibly fall for me sometime … I know that with this other guy around, she prob isnt even thinking of me like that . Can she be intimate with me and not have feelings at all??? Please help :rolleyes: