Most of the falling outs I’ve had were due to some big event that neither of us could get over. But right now, there’s this one friend who I feel like is just hanging on a thread that gets thinner and thinner, yet I can’t cut off. We’ve known each other since we were 12, and our friendship had been on and off until our senior year in high school. We were good friends for that last year, but then after that, I started university and working, while she went to eastern Canada to do some volunteer work. We talked online, and we had pleasant conversations. It’s not awkward chit chat, but pretty close sometimes. I just don’t like hanging out with her anymore though. It seems like she’s so different in person than online, because in person, she questions everything. She is looking for a job, and can’t find one because she’s not very outgoing, so she asks me about mine. I tell her it’s not hard if she tried, and once you get one job and that experience, you’re set. Then we talked about how I got a very good paying job on the campus library, and she keeps asking me questions that I obviously wouldn’t have answers to (like why they pay so much), and she does that for every single little thing. I don’t know, in person, we just don’t have much to talk about. And it’s kind of making me sad because I’ve managed to alienate so many friends, I can’t afford to lose another.
Eh, some friends you just outgrow.
I’ve met and lost some really good friends over time. Sometimes circumstances don’t even seem to let me keep some of the ones I wish I could, but I’ve learned that it’s all part of life.
…Not that I’m much of an expert.
Rooves has the right idea.
Just today (yesterday, technically) I was “dumped” by a woman I’d been friends with since 1989 – we were best buds in college, but have drifted apart in the 11 years since graduation. Two weeks ago we had a long phone conversation about the state of our friendship, and when we hung up we’d agreed that we were going to work on our relationship and be more proactive about keeping in touch. But apparently she is still hung up on something that happened our senior year (and that we discussed during our conversation) and she blames me for the damage it did to our friendship, and so she told me via e-mail today that we need to just go our separate ways. It was unexpected but not completely unwelcome, though it feels weird to accept that we have really just grown apart (and I feel some guilt about the “not completely unwelcome” part).
What I think sucks the most is that I’m starting to outgrow my old friends right at a time in life when it’s really hard to make new friends. Most people my age that I meet are married, and many have kids. Which is fine – my two closest friends happen to be married to each other, and have a three-year-old who adores me (and the feeling is mutual) – but there are significant lifestyle differences that keep them from being the kind of friends I’d like to make; the kind I feel that I am losing. So instead of my circle of friends being in flux, it is merely getting smaller. I’m pretty disconnected from the two friends I’ve had the longest (one of whom I’ve known for 20 years!), and now I’m down to one college friend. Thankfully I don’t think she’s going anywhere, but I had such a big group of friends when I was younger and now I don’t and sometimes it sucks!
Anyway, all of that personal drama was a long-winded way of getting to this: while it definitely sucks to outgrow someone, I think in the long run it’s worse to “hang on” because you don’t want to lose another friend. It doesn’t serve either of you.
Perhaps you should talk to her about this issue of “questioning everything”.
Maybe she’s asking all those questions just to try to keep the conversation flowing, but maybe if you let her know it bugs you she’ll cut it out.
Personally, I don’t think there is anything wrong with deciding you’ve outgrown a friend, but I think when you’ve been friends for a long time it’s worth trying to talk things over first before deciding that it’s beyond salvaging.
Anyway, good luck with whatever ends up happening.
I have some friends who used to be real close and then I see them and we have nothing to talk about although it’s not usually because of an argument it’s because we got into different things. That sucks I just try to keep meeting people so when one relationship dies out a new one is being born. 