False Religion is Coming to an End!

At least that it what the tracts that have been left on my door over the last week have been telling me. Luckily we have a fool proof way of being able to determine which of the many religions in the world are the false ones! I was worried at first but the authors of the pamphlet assure me that we can tell because the false religions are the ones that are not supported by the bible… :smack: Of course! It all makes sense now.

The best part was that the whore of Babylon (who was riding a seven headed tiger) is shown as being genuinely concerned for the followers of her false religion whereas the authors seemed content to let said people burn in hell forever.

I was so excited when I saw the tract on my door, I have been living here for over two years now and never once had anyone come proselytizing. It just doesn’t feel like home until someone invades it trying convert you.

Unfortunately it seems that they have moved on and aren’t putting things on my door anymore. I was hoping that they would continue this week so I could leave a note saying that I was glad to hear that false religion was coming to a close so I wouldn’t have to deal with these tracts anymore.

Don’t you know ? Concern for others is unChristian and unAmerican . . . it verges on Communism ! ! Show concern for someone else, and you might start sharing; and from sharing it’s a small step to communes and Commissars !
An argument I’ve actually seen used, by the way; and to think I used to think it was only a parody

There’s a global false religion-eradication campaign on. As I mentioned in another thread, I got one of those though my door last week in England. I love the USP of the marketing: “do you want an end to false religion?” Some really good gap analysis there, guys! Personally I lie awake at night dreaming of an end to false religion, and suddenly your leaflet came through the door to end my misery.

Other highlights: subtle, anonymous digs at Catholics, GWB, and Muslims. Rational argument on one page; on the other, the ten horns of the beast rebelling against the Whore. Who, I have to say, is a HOTTIE.

Yes, you were quite lucky. Some missionaries fight false religion with roadside bombs. Pamphlets on your door are much friendlier.

Was it a Chick tract? Those are good for hours and hours of ridicule and giggles.

I got one in here in Sydney a couple of days ago. It was frightening, because it was the first time in the twelve months I’ve been living at my current address that any religious nutjobs have managed to find me. The thing is, I live in a small flat at the back of a detached house. The flat is part of the house - a quarter of the main building rather than an add-on. You don’t know it’s there from the street - I even share my landlord’s mailbox. Nobody ever knocks on my door because they don’t know it’s there. I access my property through a locked side gate that, from the street, just looks like a gate to the backyard. Next thing I hear people at the gate commenting to each other, “I wonder how they get their mail?” When I went out, it was the JWs. So do they try every single gate and side passage in every property? If they tried my gate, then they would have tried the unlocked one on the other side which does lead to a private backyard. As far as I know, that’s illegal. If I found somebody wandering about my backyard, I’d get feral on them. Arrogant fucks.

Ooh! We got one too!

Nope, it wasn’t a Chick tract. Too bad. Those are such fun. This one was fairly sedate as tracts go. I amused myself by arguing out loud with it.

The “global” part us the problem, Do you really want the UN and Brangelina to pick out the true and false religions? There’ll be nothing left but Buddhists, Scientologists and Branch Davodoans.

No, it was from the Jehova’s Witnesses. They must be doing a seriously major push–this was the first tract of any sort I’ve gotten in a dozen years.

Man, I might have gotten one of those a few weeks ago when they knocked upon my door? Why was I so quick to (politely) send them on their way? Oh, yeah. I was in my jammies and didn’t feel like inviting them in.

Isn’t “false religion” redundant?

Just a note- JW’s don’t believe in people burning in Hell forever. They believe that only the finally unrepentant who persist in defying Jehovah even while knowing the truth will be erased from existence in the Gehenna fire. Actually, they believe that the vast multitudes of non-JW humanity will be raised either during or after the Millennium to learn the truth of Jehovah & Jesus & thus have opportunity for eternal life on Paradise Earth. Only incorrigible rebels will die in the Lake of Fire, which could well be a split-second flash, not ongoing painful burning.

Adamantly not a JW, but a Trinitarian C’tian who wants them to be fairly understood.

::digs out the pamphlet from the recycling bin and re-reads it::

The editorial content doesn’t actually seem to say anything about sinners burning in hell–the “fire” bit is in a quote from Revelation. “The ten horns that you saw, and the wild beast, these will hate the harlot and will make her devastated and naked, and will eat up her fleshy parts and will completely burn her with fire.” (Rev. 17:16)

And I now notice that there are a couple of spiffy illustrations of the Whore of Babylon. She’s kinda hot, even if she is wearing a little too much makeup. In the first picture, she’s happily riding the beast with seven heads and ten horns, which looks kinda like a cross between a tiger and a leopard (except for the “seven heads and ten horns” bit), and cheerfully quaffing a tasty beverage from a golden cup.

In the second picture, she’s lying unconscious on the ground, tasty beverage nowhere to be seen, and the third-from-the-right head is nibbling at the hem of her dress. No nakedness to be found, though, and frankly this pisses me off. I mean, the pamphlet tells me right there in a footnote at the bottom of the page “For a detailed explanation of this subject, see the book Revelation–Its Grand Climax At Hand! published by Jehovah’s Witnesses.” C’mon, how can I have a “Grand Climax At Hand” without nekkid pictures of the Whore of Babylon? I don’t appreciate having to order another book to see the goods, thankyouverymuch.

The Jehovah’s Witnesses are a bunch of goddamn cockteases, I tells ya.

Checks pamphlet again You’re right, I think I may have been confusing it with some Chick Tracts I’ve seen recently (Unfortunately I was not Chicked myself, but a friend of mine was and he felt compelled to share)

Don’t Chick Tracts always come in that small format, though?

We got one today. Yes, indeed it was the JW team. We were expecting a package, and Hubby was so excited to see what it was, he answered the door. Silly man. I listened from the other room, laughing, as he tried to scrape her off.

I believe that was a seven headed liger, pretty much my favorite animal.

My son found one, stuck to the door with tape, when he came in from school. I almost flew into a rage when I saw him holding it. I thought the school had sent it home with him.

So, this Whore of Babylon…is she seeing anybody?

I’ve already got first dibs, but you can have sloppy seconds.