The most annoying phrase that my parents used when we asked them of we could do or have something was “We’ll see.” It usually meant ‘no’ to whatever we were asking and they just didn’t feel like discussing it at the time, or didn’t have a good reason to say ‘no.’:eek:
Dad:
Eat that, it’ll put hair on your chest! (We’re all girls.)
He also used to make us play this game, when we lived in Iowa, called “Name That Corn!” which involved spotting the signs farmers sometimes put up along the road advertising the brand of seed they use, and yelling the brands out,
Mom:
My mom never ever swears, she gets mad at us kids when we do, but on those rare occasions when she does swear, she always says “Shit on a shingle!”
Her other favorite phrase is, if you forget what you wanted to say, she chime sin with “It must’ve been a lie.” Um, yeah, Mom.
Dad:
Calling us to dinner: “Come and get it before we throw it to the dogs.” Or sometimes hogs, frogs, logs, etc.
His reply when we said we didn’t know what we wanted for dinner: “How about…peas and milk?”
Mom:
Interrupting a conversation: “Speaking of (fill in the current topic), what about (whatever point she was trying to make to us kids)” no matter if it related to what our topic was. When I was little, I thought my Mom knew all of these obscure connections to various topics rather than her way of changing the subject or getting our attention.
“Do you know what time it is? It nearly one in the morning, go to bed!” Mom had a habit of adding at least 30 minutes to what ever the actual time was. 12:25 am was nearly 1 am to her. She once declared 12:40 am to be nearly two in the morning. 
When my sister was little she used to yell “Kiss me!” during quiet, tense moments. Always shattered the mood. No wonder she’s so popular. 
Oh, I forgot one:
“What’s for dinner?”
“Food.”
“What kind of food?”
“The kind you eat.”
I must’ve had this exchange with my mom at least a hundred times as a kid.
My mom used to say a whole bunch from her dad. One that used to drive me nuts went something like:
If you mean to do a thing
And mean to do it really
Never let it be by halves
But do it fully freely.
And when she wanted us to shut up she would tell us: Halt das mahl (sp?). Guess she thought it was nicer than telling us to shut the fuck up in our native tongue.
I put a lot of effort into educating my kids in the fine art of fart appreciation. So if you let one fly round casa Dinsdale someone will call out:
Someone step on a duck?
Who dropped the orange?
Lookit the Grouse!
Or you can call Pull and mime aiming a shotgun before letting your own fly.
And of course, the ever popular blame it on the dog: [Daisy!**
My new favorite one after a particularly noxious fart is Someone oughta catch that one and paint it green.
First time I used that one, my son laughed til milk came out his nose!
Many others come from too much time watching sitcoms.
When asked to repeat something:
I don’t chew my cabbage twice.
When someone says they are sorry:
Sorry never saved the admiral’s cat.
If someone asks “So what?”:
Respond Sew buttons.
When something gets dropped:
Leave it there, the cat will get it.
When you don’t know what to say:
Burma!
If asked why you just said Burma:
I panicked!
And you can’t beat the classics.
I see said the blind man to his deaf wife as he picked up his hammer and saw his lame son run across the yard.
My husband’s grandfather always threatened to "Slap him a-windin’. " Then again, hubby DID shoot grandpaw in the foot with a bb gun…:))
My grandma was a riot, the best.
When someone was nuts, “Oh that Smith is full of canal water”.
When someone was stuck up, “Oh look at that Smith, up on his high horse”.
Same scenario, “He thinks his shit don’t stink.”
I’ve always pictured the high horse one, a whole bunch of people on normal horses, then here comes Smith riding a horse about 50 feet tall, his ‘high horse’. 
There are really only two sayings in my family:
You’re doing it wrong- do it like I do.
-and-
Just don’t embarass the family, okay?
[SUB]At least, that’s all I ever hear…[/SUB] :rolleyes:
My grandfather, after particularly big meals: “I think I ate a bumblebee.”
My mother, being sarcastic whenever my sister and I whined about pain: “God bwess your wittle bones.”
Of course, my dad has a myriad of ridiculous songs he will burst into when he’s feeling funny.
When I was very small I called butterflies “tatas” and made a motion (opening and closing my hand) that was their symbol. We still use that on occasion.
Whenever I said “Well…” my Aunt would respond “That’s a deep subject”. Saying “Hey” would get you “is for horses”.
Because I misread a roadsign as a child the whole family still calls Grinstead Dr. by the name Grinstead Doctor. And on those misty, damp, hazy, overcast days we tend to say “it’s froggy out”.
My dad still says, “Let’s go, let’s get to motatin’!” (Apparently a combination of moving and rotating) Now I’ve got a couple of friends using it after hearing it from me.
My brother turned “glop” into a verb when he wanted to be vague about his activities: “I’m going out to glop…Just glopping around…etc.” Again, I accidentally passed it on to some friends and now everyone in their office uses it as a verb.
And one night, my dad came in and mom announced, “He died.”
Dad: “Who? Who died??!!”
Mom: “Oh, just that guy on this TV show.”
Ever since then, we’ve been announcing gravely that “s/he died” whenever a screen death occurs.
My grandparents have a bunch/
Grampa
“Don’t do anything to bring dishonor or disrespect to the family.” Said solenmly as one of us was departing for a date or whatnot.
"But I want peeeeach pie. said whenever pie is served. Doesn’t matter if it’s peach or not. Apparently this is from an old radio show.
“Well, you needn’t be off yet.” Said whenever someone makes noises like they do need to be off. I don’t know why he bothers as my family suffers from a particularly bad case of porchlag , that being the amount of time that passes between the time you get up to go and the time you actually drive out the driveway.
Gramma
“Oh,go peddle your papers”
“If it was a snake, it’d had bit me.” Said when looking for something that was close at hand all along
“Careful, you’ll float away!” Said when someone is having a big drink too close to bedtime.
My mom told my brother and I to “buzz off” if we were bothering her. After awhile, we used to annoy her deliberately so we could flap our arms like wings and go “BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!”
God, but we were witty!
My parents also have a phrase they use when one of the pets has been bad. It involves foreign words and I’m not sure how to spell some of them so I’ll do it phonetically:
O-chent car-uh-show! Tres mauvais!
(I think the first part is Russian for “very bad.” The second part is French for the same thing.)
Ah yes, when relating a story that involves a female third person and I dared say ‘She’, I was chastised with ‘SHE’s the cat’s mother’.
Then, ‘What’s that?’ would be answered by ‘It’s a wigwam for a gooses bridle’.
And after having any number of runs of bad-luck, it was always, ‘Well you must have killed a Chinaman then’.
God, I could go on and on, but I won’t, yet.
Mind you, i’ve started doing the same with my offspring. We already have a number of classic retorts which include
‘Pig’s bum and gooliegums’ (What’s for dinner, Mum?) or
‘Shit on toast’ (if I’m feeling less-than-magnanimous) and
‘I’ll slap you stupid’ (if you ask me one more time What’s for dinner)
That’s a Monty Python sketch - the one with a penguin on top of the telivision set - from where my own favorite “family quote” comes as well:
[sibling makes un-opposable point in argument]
You ::pause::
Sibling There! I run rings round you, logically!!
You (shouting) Intercourse the penguin!!
Happy days…
Gp
If we asked our Mom to do something for us, my Dad would say:
What’s the matter with you? You’ve got pianos tied to your legs?
My sister and I refer to having to make a # 2 as cooking a sweet potato and not because sometimes a yam resembles a poop, either. Here’s why. Many years ago, my sister and I lived next door to each other. She was a young married lady and I was a recent college grad with no car. Having no car, I appreciated accompanying her and her husband on their weekly supermarket trips. One time they told me they were going now and I said I needed to go to the bathroom first. Being a bitch, my sister said she was unwilling to wait for anything more than pee (she is SUCH a bitch). Well, honestly, I could wait so I got in the car. As we were driving out to Mineola from Queens I suddenly remembered I was baking a yam in my oven and I exclaimed " Oh, no, I’m cooking a sweet potato!" Well, my brother in law thought I was shitting my pants. And from that time to this, the Caricci sisters have referred to making a doody as cooking a sweet potato.
A long running joke, in my family, about when a bad odor (fart) goes and nobody will accept responsibility is to blame it on the phantom.
Just a few years ago I found out that I was the original phantom.
A inside family joke that I wasnt’ in on. What does that say?
My grandmother used to say, when resuming an interupted conversation, “where was I before the creampuff hit me”
Mmmmmm…creampuffs!
we call them momisms in my family.
My mom has so many sayings, I could be here all night posting them.
Mom is from Mexico and sometimes she translates things literally into English.
So us kids have taken to saying certain phrases as such:
(mom at a soccer game) KICK it the ball!
mainly mom is famous for the looks she gives or the I told you so “mmmmmmmmm hmmmm” when you messed something up.
One other familism was mine:
Dad would always give Mom a whistle when she was all dressed up. One day she was wearing a new outfit and I wanted to tell her she was pretty. Being 5 at the time, I could not whistle. so i said “Fooot Fooot!” (my attempt at whistling)
so now, whenever anyone is really dressed up or we are describing someone attractive, we all say “Fooot Fooot!”