Fan or not, talk about what you hated in any version of Star Trek [spoilers]

Cafe Society
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Generic Star Trek plot formula (any series):

The ship/crew/space station is threatened by a alien race/spatial anomoly/technical malfunction. At the last minute, they pull some amazing technobabble solution out to save the day. The alien race/spatial anomoly/technical malfunction, with some rare exceptions, is something that’s never been seen before on the show and will never be seen or referred to again. Likewise the amazing discovery that the transporter/deflector dish/holodeck/replicator/particle-of-the-week emitter on the ship can be used to break the laws of physics/reverse ageing/travel back in time/cure any disease/split you into good and evil twins will promptly be forgotten and (with rare exception) never used or referred to again.

By the end of the episode, the reset button is pressed and everything is unchanged. You could watch the episodes in random order and very rarely be confused by continuity. (DS9 being a minor exception there, as it actually attempted a story arc.)

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Phasers. I started a thread about this recently, but I may as well add it here: why is everyone such a terrible shot firing a weapon that produces no recoil where you can follow the beam of light to the target? And why are they short bursts? You should be able to hold the “fire” button down and sweep across any target, obliterating it.
Cloaking. I can’t think of a single reason why the Romulans wouldn’t send every ship they have straight to Earth, uncloak, and destroy it. Or why they wouldn’t uncloak ten ships around the Enterprise and pulverize it.
Communicators on TNG. Why don’t you hear all ship communication at all times? Since the recipient can hear the page before the name is spoken, how does the communicator know to radio just that person? You should be hearing everything. “First Turbolift Repairman Jones to Sanitary Puck Replacement Officer Nelson…”

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For me:

The worst part of the Treknobabble™ isn’t that it’s there and that it sounds silly, it’s that the Treknobabble™ is what RESOLVES the plot.

Transporters and replicators - almost every damned episode they have to come up with some BS reason as to why they’re not working…even though there’s no reason they CAN’T just use it to solve the problem.

Holodeck crap. I don’t mean the obvious stuff, but some of the non-obvious stuff. For example, there was a not-so-terrible episode of Voyager where the crew found a program that was a “what-if” scenario involving a mutiny on the ship. Instead of actually, you know, doing some good writing and using the setup to have a nice character-driven episode. Instead, of course, it becomes a “the holodeck is taken over by a sleeper program and it’s going to blow up the ship” episode.

Oh look, it’s this series’ version of the “alien/droid/sludgelump that wants to become more human”, because, apparently, becoming more human is the overriding goal of every species out there. Every series needs one of those…

I didn’t hate it, but boy ol’ God did I feel sorry for Riker. They spent, what, seven seasons trying to give him a personality? Failed every time. Ooh! He plays the trombone! Yay!

The fact that nobody bothers using a phaser like a fucking firehose to take out an entire enemy platoon.

All of the “don’t shoot me, he’s the evil double, shoot him!” moments…when your gun has a STUN setting. Shoot them both and work it out later.

Continuing the technology bitching…remember in DS9 when they had to give up the station to the bad guys? I remember that Rom created a bunch of space mines to make things harder on the bad guys. But not only were these Space Mines, but they were Replicating Space Mines so that when one blew it would recreate itself. Idiotic.

How about the fact that you can transport an away team to an enemy ship, borg cube, or whatever, but for some reason you can’t just transport over a big ol’ block of antimatter.

A fantastic lack of continuity. You can’t transport through deflector shields. However, theres these armbands that let you transport through shields, but they will eventually, after long usage, cause cancer. So the good guys don’t use them. Of course, there’s hundreds of occasions where having such armbands around would allow you to save EVERY LIFE ON THE CREW…but for some reason we can’t just keep a couple of these things in storage for emergencies.

The Prime Directive. The biggest load of plot device ever shat out upon television.

Oh, and that I seem to be the only person who thinks there’s a major similarity in looks between Chakotay and Bill Clinton.

That’s my short list.

-Joe

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No, I agree with you. I think whatshisname would be a decent choice if you were looking for an actor to play Bill Clinton.
TOS: I can’t evaluate this show objectively anymore. I agree it doesn’t age well and there were more than a few episodes that were pretty bad when brand new but I don’t hate any part of it.
TNG: I hated all the touchy-feely niceness, although they seemed to tone it down after the first season or so. It was inexplicably popular the last few seasons it was on though, when it had peaked artistically a few years previously. In the seasons in which TNG and DS9 overlapped, DS9 was the better show.

DS9: I am in what seems to be the minority as a fan of this show, in fact it is probably overall my favorite of the Trek series. I liked the idea of people being stuck on a drab remote outpost in a dangerous area of space. I resented when the powers that be apparently decided they needed to send Worf over to break heads in order to pander to viewers with attention spans of less than 30 seconds. Oh, and I liked Major Kira and Bajorans in general.

Voy: Watched pretty much every episode of at least the first three seasons. Could have been so much better. I guess the amazing-self-regenerating-ship-that-keeps-repairing-itself-after-getting-the-shit-knocked-out-of-it-every-week is the first among many complaints.

ENT: Never saw it.

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Yes, we are. For example, we have…humor…no, wait…looks around…uh, Digital Watches, and they’re pretty neat.

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TNG: Probably my least favorite of the series. If nothing else, the Sanctimonous, PC Overflow that vomited out of some episodes.

Picard, you can respect their culture and still blow the crap out of their ships the moment they open their gunports. The two concepts are not multually exclusive.

And why the hell did they need a counselor on the bridge?

And why is the enterprise both easily beaten in battle and easily captured by bad guy group of the week?

DS9: My favorite series other then TOS, but I agree the Ferengi were pretty lame after a while. Vic Fontane got on my nerve after a while. But I did appreciate the fact they had the guts try some story arcs, unlike the previous series.

VOY: Neelix was annoying, they had a great concept(Ship lost on the other side of the galaxy with a crew that doesn’t like starfleet having to integrate into the crew) and completely screwed it up(The rebels integrated without so much as a peep and they never had much of a supply problem), the borg twins were annoying, the ending sucked, and Janeway screwed up on a number of ways to get home.

Oh, Janeway, the Prime Directive applies to Pre-Warp culutures only. If they can make a warp engine, they’re technologically mature enough to handle replicators.

The Year of Hell was a great sample of what the show should have been like all along, but it was only a two parter.

Enterprise: I liked the temporal cold war thing, but they messed it up. I was also annoyed by all the introductions of things we never see or hear about in other Star Trek series, with no explanation why. And the fact everything is supposed to be primative, but they abandoned the “No Transporter, No Universal translator” rule pretty quickly.

All series:

All aliens are pretty samey. They all have the same culture, religion, etc. There are no variations to speak of as far as intra-species culture goes.

The stunning inability to develop decent security measure other then throwing wave after wave of redshirts at the enemy until they reach their pre-set kill level and shut down. You have transporters! USE THEM! Beam the bad guys out into space!

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TOS: No great generalized dislikes here, but I really hated the space hippies episode

TAS: Spock’s teddy bear I’Chia and the life support belts. Oh, and that three armed monstrosity at the helm.

TNG: The prepoderance of episodes that never actually ended with any resolution, they just stopped. Oh, and Q and Luwaxanna Troi.

DS9: I liked so much about this series, but it struggled to move beyond the bad writing of the Bergama crew. Why are all of these people of the future obsessed with 20th century iconography (James Bond and the like). The wimpering idiot they made of Gul Du’cot, and the sychophantic clones that served the shape shifters – Waloon wasn’t it?

Voy: Neelix got on my never after about 10 seconds – the doctor started really bothering me after about 40. The failure to portray any sense of struggle on the part of the crew.

Ent: The incredibly lame over-arching Temporal Cold War nonsense and the Theme – so wrong it just has to be mentioned. Failure to add depth to even the most important characters. I honestly think Porthos is the only well developed character on the show.
General Hatreds: Holodeck Magic, an abundance of arrogance on the part of nearly every series but the original – though it was certainly Earthnocentric in it’s views–, failure to connect to a larger story arc and deeper meaning to seemingly superficial events (check with Joss Whedon on how this can be done), Deus Ex Machina being the general method of solving nearly every problem.
I also think that TOS and TNG can be excused to some extent by virtue of being products of their time. I don’t think DS9 has much to apologize for, but it does have that Sisko is half alien god problem to deal with, which is probably the biggest Trek rip off in terms of story telling.

Voyager and Enterprise were simply misfires from the get go – presenting a promising start on both series and immediately squandering it away on silly half-baked, inconsistent, weak imitations of ideas, and if that wasn’t bad enough failing to give greater depth to the initially interesting characters they presented. Go figure.

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DS9, in the last few seasons, just seemed…rushed.

All the technobabble after TNG. I thought Scotty and Geordi could pull it off, but I don’t know if the babble just got worse, or the actors playing the chief engineers just couldn’t deliver it well.

The CRT monitors embedded in the sets, after TNG. It didn’t look like all the ship’s monitors were really “alive,” it just looked like cheap TV monitors stuck behind a sheet of plastic.

Voyager’s holodeck set. “Hey, it’s an erector set with track lighting! It’s FUTURIFIC!”

I can’t quite be sure if the Federation/Starfleet’s ***ing over the rights of AI beings every chance they got was moral hypocrisy, clumsy writing, or actually a clever little critique of the “perfect utopia” of the Federation.

7 of 9/Chakotay. WTF? Did they just pull that pairing out of a hat?

When the Borg became “drones” ruled by a “Queen.” I mean, I liked First Contact, but I thought the Borg were (“was”?) scarier when it really was essentially just one Borg.

In fact, the Borg just got less and less impressive as time went on.

DS9 did pretty much turn into “Sgt. Sisko and Easy Company,” didn’t it? (When it wasn’t “Sgt. Sisko finds Space Jesus,” that is.)

The uniforms, after TNG. No, those weren’t “uniforms,” they were just costumes.

The almost primitive state of ground combat in the 24th century. Notably bad in one episode of DS9 where they have a hard time defending against a group of Jem’hedar charging at them through the bottom of a narrow ravine.

Any episode that they filmed in that goddamn “rock planet” set.

You know, to give credit where it’s due, though, they actually DID do this, once.
On Voyager.
And it was Harry Kim’s idea.
And they didn’t spend ten minutes recalibrating systems or explaining the premise—they just did it.

:eek: It scared me, too.

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I almost forgot how much I hated Dr. Kate Pulaski from TNG. Maybe I was trying to block out the memory.

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I hated when they gave Data a personality. He was much better emotionless.

I hated when they didn’t have more of Wes’ girlfriend (Ashley Judd) in TNG. She was an incredibly likeable character. Could have been a primary character.

I also hated the Enterprise theme, although the video montage throughout it was inspirational. The “Enterprise: In the Mirror, Darkly” theme was very well done

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AGREED!!! I’m going to have to pit you for bringing back that memory!!

I was very happy the day she fell down the turbolift and died.

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Eh. Then I guess Harry Kim is Starfleet’s greatest tactical genius in the last 200 years.

Since he went ahead and displayed that it CAN be done, I guess now we can wonder why it’s not SOP. The ability to stick the most powerful explosive concievable anywhere you want it makes for a hell of a weapon.

Here’s a new one.

How many times would the Enterprise/Voyager/DS9/etc have been destroyed if they didn’t have some special out in a half-vulcan, vulcan, android, supergenius kid, shapeshifer, blind guy with funky visor, etc?

Adding to that, what happens to Starfleet ships that are unlucky enough to be cruising around the universe WITHOUT an android or a supergenius kid?

-Joe

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Bergama is still talking shit about running the franchise. Let it rest.

Blalock is still slamming everyone around her. After a few more conventions, put it to rest.

Villian of the week mentality sucked. Coto brought us mini arcs. Paramount should’ve given him a fighting chance.

Kirk’s talking computers into self destruting was a very potent weapon. How come TNG era didn’t have a Kirk Talking Circles Gun?

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Oh, yeah. Another thing…why do phasers have a range? I mean, you never see a bulkhead explode behind someone when Our Heroes miss a shot, do you? They will explode a rock in front of them, which lets the audience know they are being shot at, but you never see what happens to that beam after it misses. And how can phasers leave the Enterprise (TOS) going apart (<) and hit the target coming together (>)?

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TOS: Miniskirts and gogo boots being sensible uniforms for space explorers. Kirk exuding the pheromones of all known humanoid females. Vulcans living without their brains(Brain and brain. What is brain?).

TNG: Frenchmen speaking with English accents. Wesley Crusher existing. Footie-pajamas being sensible uniforms for space explorers. Counsellor Troi, especially her hair. Whoopie Goldberg’s stupid hats.

DS9:Odo’s face. Bajoran mystic crap. Kai Wynn. Jake Sisko. (But all is forgiven, because I love Garak, and the Dominion War rocked.)

VGR: All the Ma-Qui just forgetting that’s what they were. Neelix and his blonde elf. The overall wimpyness. The fing Borg. The fing Q. Janeway’s annoying nasal voice. The f***ing Borg.

ENT: Never watched it.

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Oh I don’t know. The hypocracy of the whole thing? Hey look at us! We’re the Federation! Look how enlightened and peacefull we are! Out starships are as welcoming as a Hilton corporate conference center. Now lets explore the universe in giant freakin’ gunboats!!

How about the way product liability lawsuits are a thing of the past? How many people have been killed, transmutated, shot back in time or blasted to an alternate universe because of a busted replicator, teleporter or warp coil?

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TOS: no significant dislikes. It’s a bit dated these days, but still good.
TAS: no dislikes. The three-armed alien was cool (nice to see an alien character with a distinctly non-human appearance) and the catgirl was kinda cute.
TNG: The whiny, liberal preaching got old fast. Fortunately, they toned it down in later seasons. There was way too much technobabble. Some people hate Riker, but I liked him. His tough, Kirk-esque attitude made a nice counterpoint to Picard’s thoughtful, diplomatic style. Wesley was kinda annoying, but I didn’t hate him like so many people seem to. I hated Q, however. I could have lived without the Q Continuum.
DS9: The first few seasons were pretty boring, but when they switched to more action-oriented episodes the series really picked up. I never had any problem with the stationary location, and I enjoyed the somewhat darker view of the Federation that we got. Introducing Worf was a mistake, however. Blatant pandering. Nana Visitor’s (Kira) acting was too over-the-top. Apparently, they have ham on Bajor.
Voyager: Major disappointment. The presence of the Maquis crewmen could have been a wonderful source of dramatic tension, but they dropped that ball at the end of the first episode. Neglecting the issue of supply problems was an unforgivable lapse. Later in the series, they could have been facing manpower shortages, due to too many crewmembers being killed in various battles over the years. This could have introduced issues of overwork and fatigue among the remaining crew, and the possibility of recruiting new crew members from some adventurous alien race. I agree that the episode where they introduced the Delta Flyer was stupid. I liked the Delta Flyer, but they should have built it because all of Voyager’s shuttles had been destroyed, and they needed some sort of shuttle/runabout to replace them. Also, they should have had the probe be of unknown origin. That way, Voyager wouldn’t have any better claim on it than the aliens did, making the “contest” to build a suitable retrieval craft a bit more plausable.
Enterprise: After the disappointment of Voyager, I couldn’t be bothered to watch this series. From what I’ve heard, it sounds like they dropped the ball in this one, too.

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Think of all the contingency fee lawyers salivating at an opportunity to go after the holodeck manufacturers.

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Heh. :smiley:

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The whole holodeck concept is the hugest cop-out for writers.