If you are at dinner or at another event with other people (not family) and you let out a loud fart, what do you do? Apologize? Just walk away? If you were the recipient of the fart, what do you demand of the person who laid the fart? Do you demand an apology or let it go?
Ignore it like it never happened. I’m embarrassed if I even flinch when someone Lets One.
“Farting is other people.” -Jean-Paul Fartre
Well, I think you should announce the arrival of your farts, but there’s no need to apologize. Try it! People will thank you for your candor!
When someone else farts, applaud it, for they, too, are enjoying good health!
I usually at least apologize. If they are indignant about it, then my response is: “Yeah, like you don’t do it”
If it’s a real banger you need to fall to the floor and quiver for a moment just for the dramatic effect.
Farts rarely come without warning. I’ll generally find an excuse to leave the room. If I can’t manage to get away in time I’ll just utter a passing “I apologize” without stating the topic of the apology and I’ll hasten a continuation of the interupted topic of conversation.
Of course the nature of the gathering and the company make a difference. I do still interact in certain circles that observe more of a “Frat boy”* candor and ettiquette. In which case the receivers are supposed to react as if it was the most hoorible event ever, while the excreter is suppose to act as a champion and a bearer of great gifts.
*and I’ve never been in a Frat.
According to “Miss Manners”, the proper thing is for everybody present to simply ignore what just happened. It’s rude to break wind at the dinner table, but it is also rude to call attention to another person’s breach of etiquette. If you want an actual quote, I’ll dig out my copy of her book and locate the germane bits.
[Moderator Hat ON]
Fart polls go in IMHO.
[Moderator Hat OFF]
In polite company ignore it entirely if it were you or another. In friendly company either ignore it or make a joke as appropriate. Only if you make it and it smells would an appology be perhapse a good idea, such as “darn, I shouldn’t have had that bean pickled onion garlic and egg burritto for lunch, sorry about that.”
Look for the nearest female in your vicinity, give her a look of disgust, and say “excuse you” and immediately leave the room.
If it’s obvious either by smell or sound, I apologize and go on with what I’m doing, and I expect about the same from others. No need to make a big ordeal out of it, and no need to ignore it as something shameful either. It’s just one of those things that happens. If I’m strictly among friends, sometimes we joke about it. At work, we like to accuse each other of dealing some of the farts that clearly came from the patients. (Blaming it on the dog when it really is the dog–not funny. Blaming it on your coworker when it really was the dog—funny. Blaming your coworker when there’s the unmistakable bouquet of cat shit–absolutely fuckin’ hilarious.)
You just say, “Can I have more beans, Mr. Taggart?”
On second thought, that’s much better!!! 
“I fart, therefore I am.” – René Desfartes
I just want to say that I’m proud to be a charter member of a message board where specific guidelines have been adopted for the proper location of fart polls. And Iweep for joy to think that the staff likely spent time, unpaid, discussing the relative merits of various potential fart poll locations.
Depends on the company. If it’s, say a business dinner with people I need to observe Miss Manners with, I simply say “excuse me” and continue the conversation.
If it’s my college friends, I say “no slugs” before they start pounding me with their fists. (By the rules of the game, they can continue to pound me until I rattle off the names of 10 distinct beers.)
If it’s my high school friends, I know that I’ve just started a competition and that one of my grosser buddies will let go with a real paint-peeler that will make the scent of my fart smell like a Glade Plug-in.
If it’s my family, I will immediately blame it on my sister. If she’s not there, I’ll blame it on the dog.
If it’s in front of a significant other, I will immediately start poo-pooing the event (giggle) and negotiating my way out of the situation. “Trust me - That one’s not even going to smell,” or “You’re still up by one after that air biscuit you laid last week” are common utterances.
If it’s at work, I don’t care because everyone has headphones on and is listening to iTunes. If it really stinks, I blame the window somebody left open and urban air pollution. If there’s no window open, I blame it on the person next to me.
First thing I thought of. She’s discussing apologizing after bodily functions like burping & stomach rumblings. Then she says that some noises need no apology, because They Never Happened, and that’s her last word on the subject.
Well, first of all, any good crotch ripper has to be accompanied by a motion mimicking a train engineer pulling on the whistle lever… Fist thrust into the air and then drawn down as the fart is expelled. Lean into it a little to let the fart escape under one cheek.
Then just grin and let out a gutteral, satified “Oh Yeah!”
If you wanna milk it, follow up with, “Now there’s room for more grub. Pass the ____!” – ask for the food most likely to induce more flatulence. Cabbage, beans, broccoli… any vegetable will do.
Then lean back in your chair, fan your crotch and sing out “Whooo! That’s a ripe one – somebody light a match!”
Dammit, bughunter, I’m sitting here choking back maniacal laughter to keep from waking up my husband in the next room, thanks to you! My cheeks are puffing out like Dizzy Gillespie’s, fer cryin’ out loud!
In this house, no fart can be ignored–not with three kids aged 10, 5, and 3. Even SBD’s are greeted with hysterical laughter.
On a related note, I remember many years back when I was at a youth volleyball practice. My dad was helping out by serving to us and, unfortunately, had gas that he was attempting to hold in. But of course, the action of striking the ball caused the involuntary release of vapors, whereupon my younger brother stage-whispered (to the accompaniment of giggling girls), “Knock the fart out of the ball, Dad?” Dad wanted to kill him!
Personal experience from college:
I was sitting in my girlfriend’s basement watching a movie with her sister and 6 of her female friends. I was relaxed. I leaned forward for my beer, and let a loud, long one rip. Before it was even done, I turned to my girlfriend and yelled “What the fuck?!”
Now, I think that was a pretty quick, funny way to diffuse the situation. But it gets better. We were all pretty drunk, and the girls started laughing really hard at my “outburst,” and one of the girls peed her shorts.
So I guess that’s my answer to the OP: Hope someone immediately emits something more embarassing than your accidental fart.
Happy
You need to immediately beging drawing your rectal essence toward your face with cupped hands, all the while breathing deeply and yelling “Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!”