… and everybody knew it came out of your ass, did you feel like you needed to say something?
When with family at the dinner table, I’d jokingly say “Fire in the hole!”, but while finding my seat on an airplane, what should I have said?
Or should I have blamed it on the person behind me?
And what if that person behind me were a nun or a priest?
Or should I just own up to it?
Q
If there’s no dog around it can get kinda hard to find a scapegoat. On an airplane you can always blame recycled air.
Or you could just say, “dang, the last one I ripped caused a three city block evacuation. I’m losin’ my touch!”
The last time I farted and everyone knew it was me (and it wasn’t just my husband) was when we were camping with friends. I just giggled and said “Hey, at least I’m already trapped inside the mummy bag!”
I’m a giggler when it’s obvious that I farted.
I made an ultrasuede-upholstered chair resonate like a fuckin’ snare drum.
All I could think of to say was: “Good Lord!”
If I recall correctly, Miss Manners says that there is no proper acknowledgement for this particular act, because socially it does not exist.
I just say, “Top that!!!”
One time right after the whole family got in the car, I let one loose. “Sorry I farted” I said. “Not half as sorry as WE are!” responded Mama Zappa.
“My soul speaks when it knows the moment is too divine for words.”
While they are puzzling over that one, or starting a philosophical discussion of it, gracefully slip away.
I can “picture” that little exchange very well, Typo Knig! :)!
One thing though: “…after the whole family got in the car…” sounds like you set that up, my friend. 
I mean you could have left that thing outside, but you chose to wait until the whole family were seated in that confined little cabin to “let one loose”.
We only met for a short time that afternoon, but it was long enough for me to form the opinion that you could, if the opportunity presented itself, get into some harmless mischief.
Am I right?
It’s only an opinion, but I believe little shenanigans like this (if it did happen as I imagined it) shows a strong and happy family.
We are both glad we got to spend a little time with you that day. 
Bill and Dondra
I usually blame mine on barking spiders.
Meh, my family is pretty blase about this kind of thing, unless one is spectacularly loud, long, or smelly.
If I’m around strangers, or in a confined space, I’ll hold it in. No reason to offend others.
I just let 'er rip at home, so my wife and daughter always know when I fart. Of course, they do the same. I mean, they’re family, who cares? It’s not like we don’t know each other really, really well.
Outside of family, though, I have a hard time remembering when the last time I farted that was obvious to those around me. Usually I can hold them quite successfully for a long time if I need to, and then when I go to the bathroom, I let it all out. The last few times, I think were when I was lifting something, and one just slipped out. I give a mildly embarrassed “excuse me” and go about my day. If I’m with friends or coworkers I get along with well, I may also joke a little about it (“Wow, where did that come from!?”). But frankly, it doesn’t happen very often.
I’m in an odd phase now, during which I have to own up to my farts for practical reasons: having a toddler in diapers around the house. If I keep each one a secret, my wife will be left wondering if Lil’ Map needs a change…so, to spare her the effort of having to check him, I’ll usually just preemptively confess with a simple “That was me.”
“Oops, sorry” is usually enough.
If it’s noise only, I just chuckle a bit. If it smells, however, I usually apologize if it looks like I was caught red-handed.
Double post
No, no, never apologize! Do you apologize for breathing?
(Actually, I’m semi-serious. Unless the flator could have gone to another space (plenty of “warning”, not in the middle of an important task, available space is nearby) and failed to, there’s nothing to apologize for.
Sure, if things get chronically flatistic, the flator bears some responsibility for attempts at mitigation. Start by having a pack of matches in every room (those scented “incense” ones are even better). Then, might have to ramp up to dietary changes and/or medical advice.
Only after that should you take the drastic step of Muhammed Ali-style, charcoal-filter-vented de-reeking boxer shorts. (Yes, I do keep a pair on hand, but just for those rare occasions when hummus burritos overlap with formal gatherings.)
Jman, “excuse me” * is* all that’s required.
However, there is someone to blame for causing all of this misery: the first guy who cackled like the mad hatter when he heard it; who gave it a verbal review (“gah-Daiyum!!”) when he smelled it and the first guy to dramatize it by “swooning”, grabbing his own neck, sticking out his tongue and finally “dying” as the result of your “bio” - attack.
A belch or a sneeze. No big deal, right? But what sets the fart apart is the odor and now (depending on your personality) you have a problem. Depending on what you ate, it may be a big problem or it might be a small one. If you’re sitting in church when it happens, you’re kinda trapped, aren’t you? If you’re the perp (perpetrator) you can either sit in it as the lady next to you who’s been fanning her face now begins to increase her tempo while whispering, “Lordy, lordy” or you can excuse yourself and go to your car and drive home. Either way you’re screwed .
Begin your own religion in which farting is encouraged and instead of “Amen!”, the congregation “shouts” its approval another way. Yup,yYou guessed correctly; it is farting.
I’m going to stop here and return later, or maybe not at all. This is an example of one of my “bad days” – having trouble arranging my thoughts and not sure if I want this to be funny and afraid I’m not making my point (s). I also think I’m wasting your time.
Speaking of time, from beginning to end; this post has taken me 55 minutes so far.
Sorry everyone
Quasi
I didn’t plan it, it happened just after I closed the car door. Now way to hide it! And trust me, everyone in that car was sorry!
On the other hand, I am not at all sorry for the time we spent together on your visit to DC. Mama Zappa hope to see you and D again soon!
you’ve been gassy.