As almost all of us know, farting is a cure for loneliness. Let go a force ten pants-buster and seconds later, several people will enter the room to enjoy your company.
Do you allow these people to approach, knowing full well they’ll have to pretend not to notice while breathing through their mouths and trying to think of any silly excuse to leave the area?
Or would you warn them away and if so, how? Giving off a verbal warning has the chance that the whole floor will know what you’ve done:
DON’T COME ANY CLOSER, JANE - I’VE JUST FARTED!
If it’s only one person do you both just continue to transact business while lying to each other, pretending that nothing is out of the ordinary? Perhaps a more bold approach might be trying to blame it on the other person.
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Now put yourself in the victim’s shoes. You walk into a coworker’s cube, and you are overcome by the byproducts of fermented 3-bean salad. My kneejerk reaction might be to exclaim:
JESUS CHRIST WHAT DIED IN HERE?
But you have to take other people’s feelings into account so that’s out of the question. What’s the sophisticated solution to such a dilemma?
I have a cow-orker that’s plagued with epidemic flatulence, there is seriously something wrong with that man.
Generally, if I’m nearby, he’ll have the courtesy of stepping a few feet away from where we’re working, of course that’s not necessarily effective if I don’t realize why he’s stepped away and accidentally follow right into the funk. He’s been known to warn me away with jokes about befouling the air when it’s particularly bad, thankfully.
Sometimes it’s a very nice thing to be the only girl in my work environment, the guys lay traps for each other all the time and giggle like 3rd graders about it.
IME, guys are more likely to acknowledge the funk, girls stand there, eyes watering, just pretending not to notice.
My ex-girlfriend used to warn me about her farts all the time. She’d even call “Don’t come in here” if she’d farted in the living room while I was in the kitchen.
I thought, TMI. It’s almost like she was bragging about the stink she’d created. Half the time, I could be sitting next to her on the couch when she farted and I wouldn’t have a clue if she didn’t notify me of the fact.
With guys it is not acknowledging, it is pride and compliments. When I rip a master, why, I want the world to know! Smell what I did! It is uniquely horrifying!
And if I wander into the cloud of death from a friend, I feel obligated to say “Whoa! I just stepping into a garbage bin!” At which point he smiles broadly. To ignore it would just be rude, as if his bodily odors were beneath my notice.
It depends on the context- there are places where I would be terribly embarassed by farting. However, when it is with friends, I revel in their dismay. But they do it back to me, so it all works out.
I must live an incredibly sheltered life. Outside my family, I never ever heard anyone fart. It wasn’t until I met Ivylad that someone not a blood relative farted in front of me, and I was quite shocked, let me tell you.
I work in a professional office environment, and people don’t fart. At least, not that I’ve noticed.
I prefer the term pungent. Fragrant sounds like it’s a pleasant smell. I can just picture my ex’s grandma (wealthy & proper old lady) saying that. :rolleyes:
I’ll warn Mr. Johnson or my family. “You might want to wait a minute before coming in here.” As for acquaintances and co-workers - I’ll just step away for a moment if possible.
Why is this?
Today, I helped a friend with renovating his house. I’m on all fours, framing a wall, and it’s the first time I need to fart all day long.
So, I’m thinking, hey this is a construction site, no better place to do it. So I give into the natural pull of gravity, the universe’s way, and I let 'er go.
Immediately, the front door opens and his wife and sister walk-in and my friend wants to show them in detail the good job I was doing on my area. not very lady-like of me i must say, so i convinced them all that the job my friend had done on a different area was much more worth observing and discussing in detail.
Wait a second.
Do I like these people? Or are they at my home on the pretext of borrowing something but haven’t finished beating around the proverbial bush.
Sometimes a fart is an act of pure territorial defense.
Heavens no! Don’t you realize that farts smell the way they do so deaf people can enjoy them also?
My buddy told me about the “fart chair” in his office-the foam seat cushion would do a great job of poot containment if you let go a ripper and immediately stood up. Then an unsuspecting person who sat in the fart chair could be villified for making a proxy stanky.
