Farting Dinos

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

O.K. Here is what I just heard on the news:

Scientists are speculating that dino-farts are to be blamed for dino-extinction. In short, the food requirements of those huge animals imply that excessive amounts of gaseous emanations are being ventilated into the atmosphere as a result of the digestion of such aliments. Those precious dino-farts contain methane, a well-known greenhouse gas that contributes to the warming of our planet.

Synthesizing, fart-induced environmental changes brought about the extinction of the dinosaurs, thus paving the way for our unrestricted evolution as the dominant species of the planet.

In other words, WE OWE OUR EXISTENCE to farts. Yes, those invisible yet irresistibly seducing gaseous substances, traditionally neglected and ostracized, have finally proven that they are not only ephemeral flashes of passion from the deepest confines of our bodies; instead they are the maternal figure that breathed life into humanity as we know it, they reside at the genesis of our existence.

All in all, this is great news. The glory exuded by farts might finally begin to be appreciated. Their charming and sensual aroma shall be enjoyed without arising feelings of embarrassment. Yes, my dear dopers, farts should finally be vindicated. Of course scientists have been wrong on occasion, but I like to think that this time they are right.

[auto-hijack]
This theory has been around for years as a contributing element to dino.extinction but hasn’t been considered as the fundamental cause for their disappearance until now.
[end of auto-hijack]

Anyway, back to the point:

FARTS RULE! Like the great philosopher Desfartes once said:

I fart, therefore I exist.

He couldn’t have been more right. Actually, he could, if he had said:

Dinos farted, therefore WE now exist.

Amen to that!

2

um, can I say “bullshit” in MPSIMS?

Dinosaurs were around for about 125 million years before they died out. The largest herbivores lived a good 50 million years before the end of the Cretaceous.

Unless they are speculating that the impact of the Chicxulub comet ignited the methane in the atmosphere…

3

Thus stretching the meaning of the word “scientist” beyond all previously known bounds.

4

However, in Medieval England, Baldwin le Peteur held his land on the service of giving a jump, a whistle, and a fart in the court of our lord the King on Christmas day.

Kinda shows you what people used to do for entertainment before television.

5

And I don’t give a fiddler’s fart about the whole thing.

Sorry about that outburst, I just got through reading Angela’s Ashes and am halfway through 'Tis.

6

(bolding mine)

I just don’t know what to say except that I’d wager those particular words have never been strung together in that order before.

7

Sure thing doc, but I believe what you mean is “dinofart.”
Huh? Was that reply supposed to be funny?
Ah, forget it,I just wanted a chance to reply to the great DrFidelius. What is pathetic is that I couldn’t come with something better than that. Maybe next time…

How about:

Magnificent gaseous ejaculation that gallantly escapes from the gravitational seduction of the oppressive anus that holds its ethereal essence captive inside its cavernous interiors.

If you are interested there is more were that came from. I wrote a bundle of them a while back. They are in Spanish though. Am I sick or what? :smiley:

[Serious hat on]
The matter about the cretassic extinction comes down to the eternal argument between the gradualists that propose a steady, slow-acting change as the cause that prompted dinosaurs to disappear, and the catastrophists, who posit a scenario where sudden, unpredictable alterations in the ecological dynamics, such as those induced by cosmic collisions, lead to the downfall of T-rex and his buddies.

For my part, I accept the Hollywood-mass-marketed “Armageddon” hypothesis. The discovery of the Chicxulub crater, the worldwide and uniform appearance of iridium on the rock strata corresponding to the dinosaurs demise, its chronological congruency with the crater’s own formation, the shocked quartz generated by the impact, the scared-covered face of the moon validating the inevitability of celestial collisions, the detection of asteroids crossing earth orbit; they all point to a catastrophic scenario.

[Serious hat off]

Nonetheless, I still favor the fart hypothesis. Slow yet inevitable fart accumulation in the atmosphere killed the dinos. Kinda like an unconscious mass suicide. No need for asteroids, you can always count on good old farts to take care of the dirty business.

In retrospect, I feel sorry that dinos farted themselves out of existence. Why? Well, for starters, we will never know how dino-farts smelled? Did they make a loud thump when being expelled? Did they contain pheromones that elicited a sexual response from their partners? Did dinos used them for self-defense? And I could go on rambling…

But I won’t, it should suffice to say that there goes another fundamental piece of knowledge that possibly will forever elude humanity’s grasp. A great shame, no doubt.

8

Actually they were around for 160 million years, according to estimates

9

FWIW, dinosaurs certainly aren’t the only critters who expel methane. All animals with digestive tracts do to some extent, and most vegetarian animals (even human vegetarians!) process their food relatively incompletely and methane is one by-product. Cattle are a notable example.

And vegetable matter left to rot will also create a significant amount of methane. (Hey! Bacteria have to eat too!)

So the process that these “scientists” claim led to the dinosaur demise is still extant. I hope it doesn’t do us in too!

10

[minor nitpick]
Actually, about 165 million (first appearance: about 230 million years ago; last appearance: about 65 million years ago)…
[/minor nitpick]

[technical nitpick]
Actually, in a cladistic sense, birds are dinosaurs, therefore they never really died out at all…
[/technical nitpick]

[yet another annoying nitpick, especially since this is MPSIMS, not GQ or GD]
Dinosaurs were not the only critters to go at the time. Most large vertebrates (dinosaurs, mosasaurs, plesiosaurs, pterosaurs) died out, as well as the majority of plankton and many tropical invertebrates. As such, any ‘theory’ which focuses exclusively on the death of dinos is somewhat questionable.
[/yet another annoying nitpick, especially since this is MPSIMS, not GQ or GD]

11

Guess this means that cows are doomed.

12

It’s not looking so good for my son either, then.

13

Quasar, are you sure this wasn’t an Onion headline?

14

Dammit, I hate it when I forget the Triassic…

15

So, were dinosaur farts flammable?

:: fleeing ::

16

Of course they were, and still are.

Where do you think the “natural gas” people burn in their homes comes from?

(Good to see you stranger. Planning on settling down in this town or are the high plains still calling you?)

17

Nope, I got that from TVE Internacional (Spanish Television International). As stated before, I don’t agree with the scenario that they mentioned.

In reality, this thread was a sick attempt to, relying on such wild and implausible pseudo-scientific speculation, exalt the glorious nature of the fart.

I refrain to post a smilie adjacent to my last comment, so that I will let you wondering whether I am serious or not in my assessment regarding the orgasmic nature of farts. Damn it, I did it again. :smiley:

18

OK, OK, tell me if this makes sense: Cattle fart. Farts have already killed the dinosaurs and could be well on their way to destroying our species. So in order to survive, we need to eat cattle.

That’s where the vegetarians come in.

Can’t you see? They’ll kill us all!!

19

The Matrix and farting dinos

As will be evident by the time you finish reading this, I have too much free time on my hands. :rolleyes:

The ongoing argumentation regarding the life threatening effects of dino-farts provides for an interesting explanation to the mystery of how humans managed to obscure the sun in The Matrix. They could have cloned a bunch of apatosauruses, argentinosauruses, and the like, proceeded to place them in vegetation covered forests, and then waited for their normal physiological processes to take place, i.e, patiently await for them to fart like crazy and poison the environment (Jurassic Fart?).

Eventually, a combination of the gases invading the atmosphere (dinofarts) and an excess of carbon dioxide generated by deforestation, should have reduced the amount of sunlight getting by until, inevitably, the sun faded away (figuratively speaking of course).

Sure, that takes a lot of time but, since they never gave an exact timeline corresponding to the events described in the movie, it is a reasonable alternative to nuking the upper atmosphere and leaving radioactive remnants floating around for thousands of years (if not more).

20

Damn, it seems that smilies are disabled when used in the Post Subject field.