Fate Ruins Osip's Date.

awwwwwwwwww, poor Osip




Sorry, I can’t help it. I fell for ya, man, but that is damned hilarious… :smiley:


I feel your pain. You need to find a girl who can appreciate a good fart. My ex(not ex because of gas, mind you) was going to have some t-shirt company at the mall make me a shirt that had the letters EGMG on the front left and on the back had “Everything Gives Me Gas”. We broke up before this ever became a reality, but at least she laughed about it. Which sucks, because I would have really enjoyed that shirt. She used to say, when I was asleep, that I would make these weird grunting noises, fart, then sigh a little with relief. :smiley: I have no recollection of these, but it apparently used to wake her up.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering…not EVERYTHING gives me gas, but a great deal of foods that probably shouldn’t, do. I think it’s genetic. My dad’s farts can, without fail, bring tears to your eyes(and I don’t mean from laughter). Even our dog used to lay flat on his belly and rub his nose with his front paws in disgust. But, those are stories for another time. I’m through rambling now.

*Originally posted by GaWd *

Both. tears due to both… I should ahve stayed out all last night. Now I ahve to paint the walls… :slight_smile:


Damn lucky girl. Now I know what it takes to get you to paint!! Oh Osip!!! Beans are on…

My husband LIVES for paint peeling, eye watering farts. When we’re in the car together, he puts the “child window lock” on so I can’t unroll the passenger window, then lets go. He sits there giggling like a little boy, loving my gasps for air and threats. Ahhhhhh…
“Love…soft as an easy chair…
Love…fresh as the morning air”…


Poor sweet Osip.

Here, lay your head on Zyada’s chest and let me comfort you. What? Shaking? I don’t feel anything, must be your imagination.

Osip, you did not answer my previous question…

BTW, you mispelled “Fart” in the Title of the thread. :slight_smile:

MY dogs are looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
Sitting here, all alone, LMAO.
Osip, honey, I’ll go to the movies with you anytime. Imagine how much fun you could have had with it, if she had been in on it???
And how was the movie, anyway?

Dragonlady–my kitten is giving me that same strange look.

Osip, I’d like to say I’m sorry, but it’s going to have to wait until I stop laughing, okay? Good Goddess, that was funny!

I’ve got to point out that on this thread:


You wrote:

Insert your own “accidental weapons discharge” joke here…

Bear: No one was within 6 seats of us.
Since the paint started to peel off the floor near us first I am sure she was smart enough to figure it out.
Nothing to do but ignore the smell and pretend I did not know it was there.

Dry: Yes, I guess you could classify it as and accidental dischare of a letal weapon. Hey, is not like they build a safety trigger for flatulance.
well, I guess a cork but THAT would be so damn uncomfortable.

Dragonlady: Movie was long but interesting. not wroth the 7.50 but would be good for a rental or a midday half-price movie.

::wiping away tears of laughter:: No! Damn, Osip, that sucks. Really though, is that big of deal to anyone? “Passing gas” is natural after all.

Sorry Osip, but DRY is right,
you asked for it…:wink:
No, I’m just kidding,
so, what’s the big deal.
Be scared away by that…
Well, it’s her lost, anyway.

Once upon a time, Wonko had this tiny tiny apartment. The apartment in question was part of a house and separated from the house by two doors (always deadbolted). One door was near the two closets (this is critical). One day Wonko was looking in his closet at something about two feet off of the floor and was crouching on the balls of his feet (HIS FEET). As it was morning, and he had just gotten out of bed, he felt a gaseous anomaly presenting itself. Due to his position, he figured that it would be a quiet fftt! It was a loud bpbpbpbpbpt! A moment of silence ensued, and was ended with this quote, from the other side of the door “Hon…Was that your stomach?” and a startled reply of “Um… no.” Wonko was very embarrassed and drove to work. Halfway there he burst into hysterical laughter, and even to this day, he loves to tell the story.
OSIP- this is a story you will simultaneously irritate your children and facinate your grandchildren with. That’s not so bad.

Shouldn’t this thread be “Fart Ruins Osip’s Date”?

Actually Merlot I ment Fate as in the sisters fate.
Jealous whores! damned if I have any fun.
Besides it rhymes! I though of using fart but wanted to draw the classy folks in here.
My love life always seems to be full of humor and embaressment with long periods of Osip being single.
But, damn I have some funny stories to tell about it!

Osip, the best thing to do when you fart is to ask the person next to you ‘Did you just fart?’

then they think its themselves…

  1. Your dog faints and all the others in the neighborhood start howling.
  2. Your thong bikini twangs like a bowstring.
  3. Your coworkers in surrounding cubicles suddenly all take their break at the same time.
  4. The fraternity brother who was trying to light you off ends up with flash burns.
  5. Your cat abandons the fresh laundry pile, runs past the full food dish and claws at the door.
  6. Your new boyfriend actually notices.
  7. The windows inside your car fog up all at once.
  8. That wedgie you had a minute ago is no longer a problem.
  9. Everyone at the rock concert starts staring in your direction.
  10. Pedaling uphill suddenly becomes easier.
  11. The bubbles don’t pop when they get to the surface.
  12. The homeless guy on the subway complains.
  13. The cop stops writing your speeding ticket and lets you go.
  14. All your cellmates get jealous.
  15. Your time release deodorant suddenly kicks in all at once.
  16. Your new perm relaxes.
  17. You find your underwear stuffed into one of the socks you’re wearing.
  18. Your car pool asks to be let out so that they can ride the bus.
  19. Your scuba weight belt stops working.
  20. The people with you at the garlic festival are offended.
  21. The guy in the tollbooth makes you throw your money to him.
  22. The rest of the guys around the campfire all start applauding.
  23. The guy who just stepped on a duck still looks over at you.