Is wednesday night, I get a call from a woman I know from online. She has been a friend of mine for a few months and is bored and wants to go see a movie.
Since I am never one to pass up being seen in public with a pretty blonde woman, I agree and we set a time.
We arrive within a few minutes of each other and decided to see the new Eddie Murphy flick. We bought our tickets and I decided to be frugal and pass up on the buttered popcorn.
Half way thru the movie fate kicks me hard. I feel a slow crawling sensation in my belly. I feel the air bubbles moving slowly dreading the inevitable. I cannot get up and move, I am frozen with dread. The time comes… ffffff a silent non-odorous fart. wheew saved. So I thought anyway.
The rest of the movie, silent deadly paint-curling flatulance. People 5 rows in front of us were checking the bottom of their shoes to see if they steped in something.
My horror was complete when a young child loudly announces to his mother 8 seats over. “Mommy someone has a poopy diaper!”
At the end of the movie my companion, got up and walked quicky and quietly to her truck and left.
What a night.
Don’t worry Osip… you’re still the butter on my popcorn.
Oh Oh JJJ, I have a new list and you have made the top of it too! “woman I would most like to wrestle in butter with!”
Krystals hamburgers… now in the privacy of my own home they are coming out quite loud… my poor dogs are hiding in the other room. You know it is bad when a dog who sniffs butts as a way of saying hello to other dogs runs away with his eyes watering…
Never gonna eat krystals again.
At least there are no candels burning or the house might explode or I would have more embaressment to share.
Ewwww… singed butt hair… cringe
Evil burgers! Bad!
Butt-flame throwing! Good!
Dude, you’re supposed to lean over, whisper in her ear, and say, “Hey, I have to fart… gotta match?”
I guaran-damn-TEE you that you’d have gotten some fun lovin’ afterwards, if you did that.
“Pull my finger, Terrence!”
Sorry to hear this, Osip. But hey, she was going to have to accept the fact that GASP! men fart sooner or later anyway. This just saves you weeks of dating, smooth-talkin’ and loads of money
Did she really just get up and leave? No polite goodbye or anything?
You are starting to remind of the chorus of that old song from Hee Haw:
Gloom, dispair and agony on me
Deep, dark depression
If it weren’t for bad luck
I’d have no luck at all
Gloom, despair and agony on me
Who isn’t just FROFLMAO?
I enjoyed that one. A REAL laugh-riot, even. The only reason I laugh at all, is because of experience…that’s it. I’ve been there, and done that, even though I like to believe I never got caught
FWIW, I’m sorry she dissed you, but like Coldy-clogs said, it saves you time and money…
It’s her loss. Anyone that would let a little gas run them off can’t have too much to offer. Then again, the whole theater?
I laughed all the way home. She is only a friend, yet I doubt any more public apperances will be in the near future.
I thought is was so damn embaressing it was funny. It just goes to show Lady Luck has claim on me and she is a Jealous bitch. The up sides are this: 1) The night will be remembered for a long time with laughter by both parties.
2) She did IM saying thank you for the movie. shows she has class.
at least I did not throw a gerbil into the ceiling.
Glad to see you took it well Osip! I was worried by the tone of the thread that it’d bugged you quite a bit.
Bothered? a bit, but really what could I do about it? If I had stood up and gone outside I would have ruptured her poor eardrums. I am Glad you found as much humor in it as I did. I figure it is much better to laugh about that which I cannot change than cry about it. well, last night was both!
I laughed so hard about it last night I cried! Is good to laugh like that from time to time.
In the words of Spyder Robinson “It seems so easy but it is the hardest thing to do, to laugh when the joke is on you.”
Were the tears from laughter? or your effervscent emanations?
This is one for the books Osip, you’ll be laughing for years about it. Man those silent but deadly ones are the worst arent they?
I’m still giggling. Sorry, that seems one of the funniest things I’ve read since Wally having to buy goldfish for his neighbor’s daughter. <giggle>
I’m sorry that it didn’t end well for you, though. I’ve been on both ends of the situation (no pun intended) and I still haven’t managed to think of a completely graceful way to handle the situation. Darn, where isAudrey Hepburn when you need her?
I don’t understand… could you not have just blamed the person next to you? If they were silent, how did she know they were yours? Since the whole theatre smelled it, you could have joined in with “What the hell is that smell?!?” Two words Osip: Plausible Deniability…