I say it’s always best to err on the side of not having kids.
If you have kids and you’re wrong about giving them a good life, then that’s a bad outcome.
If you don’t have kids and you’re wrong about whether you would have been a good parent, nobody is harmed because nobody came into existence to be harmed.
With 6.7 billion human beings on earth and the number growing by the second, you don’t need to create a new person to love. 25,000 people starve to death every day.
If you want to create a legacy, to make a positive dent on the world, there are much better ways to do it then by having a kid. Adopt. Sponsor a child in Africa. Do charity work. Create works of art… write a novel. There’s a myriad of better alternatives.
You need a reality check. You’re going to be the age of a typical grandfather by the time your kids are needing an active, productive, engaged dad physically, mentally, and economically. Sure you *could *do it, but a 10 year old with a 57 year old dad is not all that good a fit lifestyle wise for most people.
The kids won’t care too much about your age, the issue for you is being able to be a (realistically) fully engaged and supportive parent in your declining years. Don’t kid yourself, children are expensive and HIGH maintenance. Unless you are well off and can off load a lot of the physical requirements to service workers keeping up with youngsters can be a struggle for older people and it’s not like there is large existing family of kids for peer support.
If genetically you would tend to age well you might consider it, otherwise get a pet.
What about the possibility that you’ll meet a terrific woman who already has a kid? Maybe she’ll have a 5 year-old and then you recoup 7 years, sort of. I personally have never romanticized the 2:00 AM feedings and diaper changes etc. but to each his own.
I’m in the same boat as the OP & Sunspace, sorta (?). The actual passing on of my DNA isn’t that important to me…actually raising the kid is the thing that’s likely to be gratifying.
That said, it’s complicated. What if the kid rejects the stepfather-to-be? What if, when it comes to discipline, the mom doesn’t back up the stepfather-to-be?
The good news is that there is no shortage of single moms out there, so that’s some hope. I don’t particularly look for such women, but I’m not fazed if a woman I meet has kids. I’m more interested in how she’s managing because I wouldn’t be the knight in shining armor come to straighten things out…I’d be a complement to something that’s already working fairly well.
This thread has come at exactly the right time. Thank you OP!
I am 40 and the wife is 35 and we are expecting our first baby in a month. For the first few months of the pregnancy I was in a blue funk - trying to wrap my head around the concept of fatherhood.
Of course, this baby was planned event for many reasons; but the day we found that she was pregnant, she immediately felt very comfortable and at peace with the idea of motherhood. The idea that I would be well past 60 when the little bugger comes out of college, worried the heck out of me. But as the pregnancy has progressed I have been at a little more peace with the idea.
Reading this thread makes me feel even better. Thanks!
My father was 57 when I was born. He had three children before me, so it’s not quite the same as your situation (becoming a first-time parent at 47+.)
I can say that my father was a huge influence on me, he taught me to read at age 3 so we could “read” the morning paper together. He had the time to spend with me, being semi-retired and financially comfortable. We were best buds. We went fishing, and he taught me how to ride when I was a toddler so we could roam the ranch together on horseback. He taught me how to swim. He taught me how to tie flies so we could fish for brook trout in mountain streams. He taught me how to ride a bike. My happiest childhood memories are of the times we spent together. It was magic, and layed the fabric of my life.
My dad lived to be 90, and I still miss him. Did I care if I had a dance recital and he was the only Daddy in attendance that was bald? Nope. Did I care if strangers would remark “What a beautiful granddaughter you have!” My Dad would beam with pride and say “This is my daughter!”
I would just say keep your options open, if it happens, it happens. Age is a state of mind. I have two friends that became mothers at age 45. They say what you lack in energy, you gain in patience. It’s your life, and your call.