Favorite Books that don't really exist?

And then there’s The Princess Bride by S. Morgenstern.

The Last Dangerous Visions, edited by Harlan Ellison. :wink:

Or the sequel; Commander Coriander and er Single Hander Belly Lander

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, anyone?

Not the web project, but the “real” thing. I want a Palm Pilot sized doodah that tells me where the best place for beer and habra biscuits on Rigel 3 is.

Why stop there? I also want ‘1001 Fun Things to Do in Zero Gravity’ and that book written by the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6.

Oh, and that controversial ‘God Trilogy’ – wish I could remember the names of those.

The Book in 1984 by George Orwell. It’s the special book by the Brotherhood; a secret underground cult of people against Big Brother explaining the history of how things got to where they are.

Of course we find out that it was O’Brian’s set up all along, so that’s a kind of downer. It’s not really my favorite part of the story, but I’d thought I’d mention it anyway.

The Red Book of Westmarch

The Junior Woodchuck Manual

In a fix, Huey, Dewey, and Louie always pull out this book and attain instant proficiency in any discipline. No wonder Uncle Scrooge took them everywhere.

I’d love to see a copy of The Orange Bible, myself.

Or Twoflower’s book about his vacation in Ankh-Morpork (though I can’t remember the title, offhand.)

My collection:

  1. “Blood on the Badge” by Detective Ron Harris (any Barney Miller fans out there?)

  2. “Multitudes! Multitudes!” by Tom Keefer (Captain Queeg’s favorite book)

  3. “Saddam Is From Mars, Satan Is From Venus”

They actually published something under this name to go with the RPG in the '80’s.

And I’d like a copy of the Necronomicon as well. Preferably the one in the centre.


That’s The Orange Catholic Bible.

From memory:

Where God when wrong.
Some more of God’s biggest mistakes.
Who is this God person anyway?

You can get this with the a special edition DVD of Evil Dead, I think it was. It’s a great mockup, with the yucky-looking cover and all, of the one shown in the films. Page through it and check out the scary drawings, then look closely at the writing - you can actually decipher what it says.

If memory serves, it was titled The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism, and was supposedly authored by Emmanuel Goldstein.

As for me, I’d like to read the Book of Love.

I just wonder-wonder-who–ba-doo-doo-doo…huh!..who wrote the Book of Love.

I’d like to see The Complete Guide to Survival On and Escape From a Desert Island published. At least then we’d have a logical answer to those fucking “If you were trapped on a desert island what book would you want?” questions.

How about The Hive Queen and The Hegemon, by The Speaker for the Dead?

Does this still count? Because we (the bookstore I work at I mean) carry the Necronomicon. That is to say, like with To Serve Man, somebody saw a profitable idea, and put out a Necronomicon, which they claim is the real, orginal thing Lovecraft was talking about.

Similarly, I vote for the collected works of Kilgore Trout, although there is a real book out there- Venus on the Halfshell. Not his best work though.
But if you’re really interested in books that don’t exist, you want to talk to Lucien, Chief Librarian of the Library of Dreams. His collection includes “The Last Voyage of Lemuel Gulliver” by Swift, “The Emperor Over the Sea” by C.S. Lewis, and “The Best Selling Romantic Thriller I Used To Think About On The Bus That Would Sell A Billion Copies And Mean I’d Never Have to Work Again” by Anon.

I have a few photo collections in that library myself (there similar to my actual photos, but in thoses book the pictures keep moving…)

I think the last one was:

Well That About Wraps It Up For God, Then, Doesn’t It?
or something like that.

In A Clockwork Orange, there is an ess ay in the house of one of Alex’s victims. I forget the name of it–perhaps it was also called “A Clockwork Orange.” From the brief quotation provided by Alex, or Anthony Burgess, or whatever, it sounded pretty interesting.

I’d also like to get in line to check out the real Necronomicon.