We probably know scads of these, for example:
(from B.C., about 1963)
(B.C. is walking on the seashore. suddenly he sees a clam get up on legs and start walking.)
He hollers, "I SEEN HIM! CLAMS GOT LEGS!!"
The clam says, “Now I have to kill him.”
(from Wee Pals, about 1981)
(Randy and Oliver are shooting baskets. Ralph, the neighborhood bully, sees them and comes over and tells Oliver he’s doing it wrong.)
Oliver says, “I know I did something wrong, Ralph…would you tell me what the right thing is?”
Ralph is stunned, and walks off mumbling; Randy congratulates Oliver for shutting him up.
We probably know scads of these, for example:
From Calvin and Hobbes (I don’t remember exactly how it goes):
“Sometimes I think the best argument for intelligent life elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”
And now, for my next trick, I will talk in spooky half-references.
There are so many lines fro C&K that I can’t even begin I’d have to page through the books and type them in as I found them, which I don’t have the time for right now.
Bill Waterson Rules!
I used to have a daily e-mail correspondence with a friend of mine, and we used Peanuts punchlines as our sig lines. Part of the routine was to try to stump each other, and I don’t think either of us ever did. Rather than hijack this thread, I’ll start another one to list them, but I’ll leave you with this.
“…and I’m in my declining years!”
Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
“If I could only write, I’d send a letter to the mayor, if he could only read.”
“Out is my kendal, dokk is my room, none but dimp sheddows beset me.”
Read “Sundials” in the new issue of Aboriginal Science Fiction.
As a resonse to any annoying, preachy quote:
I prefer maxims that don’t encourage behaviour modification. - Calvin & Hobbes
For my money and attention span, Zippy the Pinhead delivers the best quip-per-strip ratio:
Are we having fun yet?
All life is a blur of Republicans and meat.
If you can’t say something nice, say something surrealistic.
I think I’m having a mid-week crisis.
Adopt my lifestyle or I’ll have to press charges.
I just felt a paradigm shift.
I want a mega-meal in a mega-mall.
Reality distorts my sense of television.
I’m demographically correct!
I hope my sensitive female side is wearing sensible leather pumps.
I’m Zippy the Pinhead and I’m totally committed to the festive mode.
Frivolity is a stern taskmaster.**
Let us dare not forget:
a) All the great Garfield snippets of wisdom.
b) Every time the creator of B.C. gets around to publishing one with a poem.
You guys are weird.
Hero For A New Millennium!
The Legend Of PigeonMan - updates every Wed & Sat. If I can be bothered.
Jon: ::looks at Garfield, who is laying on his back, w/ disgust:: “You’re collecting dust!” ::walks away::
Garfield: “And does anybody say Thank You?!”
“Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.”
Well, this isn’t a line from a comic strip, but it’s from the Far Side: the kid pushing the ‘pull’ door of the School for the Gifted. That has me in tears every time I look at it. I even bought the t-shirt!
“There comes a time in a man’s life when he asks himself, ‘Who will float my corpse down the Ganges?’” – Apu
Cuddles the cat is sitting in a car as his master gets out to go get some food. She says to Cuddles making kissy faces “Now you stay her hunny bun bun yum. Momma is getting food for her woogums.” The cat sits happily then happens to look to the next car.
A group of dogs in the next car make the same kissy face and all shout
“Aww kissy kissy hunny bun bun yums”
Cuddles sits embarrassed as the dogs break into laughter.
I find it hilarious because a) a lot of cat owners talk to their cats like that b) if dogs could talk and saw this trade off of cat owners and cats, I would think that would be just what they would do to torment cats.
I know that I have put you through hell, and I know that I have been one rough pecker. But from here on, you are all in my cool book.- Seth Gecko From Dusk Till Dawn
From the Far Side… my favorite…
Theres a group of vultures huddled around eating something, one vulture stands up in a cowboy hat, shirt and boots and says, “YeeHaw hey everbody look at me! I’m a cowboy!!”
Too many from the Far Side to even recount. C&H was great, but The Far Side was the best. Ever.
That said, a strip from the mid-70’s from Peanuts. Sparky Shultz (a real pioneer) had poor Charlie Brown bemoaning his fate and quoting scripture to do it. (Hey, little kids knowing philosophical constructs was very “sixties”, much of which happened in the seventies, but to continue…)
Charlie Brown wails, “How long, O lord?!” and Schroeder replies, “All your life, Charlie Brown, all your life.”
That and Pogo’s “We have met the enemy, and he is us”.
Damn, the nineties are bland.
The far side… two polar bears one is lifting up an igloo and the other is watching as the eskimos inside run away…
The one polar bear says to the other… “I lift…you grab… was that concept just a little to hard for you to grasp?”
“Only when he no longer knows what he is doing, does the painter do good
things.” --Edgar Degas
From Citizen Dog:
Mel is sitting on the end of a dock fishing and the smartass fish is sitting next to him reading a book on evolution:
Fish: “So all that really separates us is a few million years and that ridiculous hat you’re wearing.”
Elmer J. Fudd,
I own a mansion and a yacht.
Calvin and Hobbes, talking about why Tigers have tails. The only reason they can come up with is ‘they look good’.
Calvin: ‘So it’s sort of like a necktie for your butt?’
‘They couldn’t hit an Elephant from this dist…!’
Last words of General John Sedgwick
Mother Goose & Grimm:
Mother Goose: Wow, look at all the great Benji movies they have. Benji The Hunted. Benji The Puppy. Benji The Wanderer. Grimmy, what would you like to see?"
GRIMM: Benji The Piñata.
Almost made me whiz my pants. Still cracks me up.
Insanity runs in my family…mostly with scissors.
From Bloom County:
The wind doth taste so bittersweet
Like jasper wine and sugar;
Methinks it’s blown through others’ feet
Like those of… Caspar Weinberger.
From Far Side:
Elephant standing in a phone booth in the middle of the savannah. He’s got no right leg; in its place is a bandaged stump and a crutch. He has an expression of horror on his face as he says “THEY WHAT? They turned it into a WASTEbasket?”
African tribesman talking on the phone, with a very po’d looking white kid beside him. “Mrs. Harriet Schwartz… This is Zathu Nananga of the Masai. Are you missing a little boy?”
Chimps grooming. “Well well well… another blonde hair. Been conducting a little more ‘research’ with that Jane Goodall tramp?”
If anyone wants I can post the story of the trouble Gary Larson got into over that cartoon. It’s very funny.
Calvin and Hobbes:
C: My family’s dysfunctional and my parents won’t empower me! Consequently I’m not self-actualized. I need holistic healing and wellness before I’m ready to accept responsibility for any of my actions.
H: I think one of us needs to stick his head in a bucket of ice water.
From Dykes to Watch Out For:
Thea: Didja make your quota, Lois?
Lois: Yep, kissed a woman from every state in the union. Rhode Island was a drag queen, though. Do you think that counts?
Sydney (in bed with Mo Yes! Yes! I’ll go to the movies with you Saturday! Now say it! Say it!
Mo (completely bored expression): Oh baby. Let me privilege lesbian positionality by destabilizing your bodily metanarrative.
Mo (having an argument with Sydney about her work vs. their relationship): Fine! Just tell me when you’re ready to bump “libidinal surfaces” instead of theorize about them!
Sydney: Ooh, I love it when you use postmodern jargon. Come back to bed.
From The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green:
His horrid aunt at Thanksgiving: What I want to know is, are you ever, ever getting married?
Ethan: Look, you boozy old gasbag, I’m GAY! Got that? Homosexual. I sleep with someone named Leo. He’s got a hairy chest, and five o’clock shadow, and really big forearms.
…Happy belated National Coming Out day, Aunt Flo.