Susan Decker and Chris Knight (Deborah Foreman and Val Kilmer).
Another quote from “Real Genius”:
Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, “I drank what?”
Good grief! Not a single quote from an Ed Wood movie, the king of the classic bad dialog? How about:
(On finding the body of the police chief)
Detective: “He’s dead. Murdered. And somebody’s responsible!!”
Or from Cabaret:
Michael York “Oh, SCREW Maximilian!”
Liza Minelli (smugly): “I do.”
Michael York (pause, smile): “So do I.”
And from the world of literature, how about the opening from Billie Holliday’s book “Lady Sings the Blues”:
“Mom and Pop were a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was fifteen, and I was three.”
From Casablanca, Louis, explaining why he’s clsoing Rick’s:
"I’m shocked, SHOCKED! to find that there’s gambling on the premises.
“There’s no place like home.” Dorothy, in The Wizard of Oz. Which is on this weekend! Wah-hoo! One of my all time favorites.
“Follow the yellow brick road.”
“Lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my!”
“I’m melting! Melting!”
“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”
“We represent the Lollypop Guild, the Lollypop Guild, the Lollypop Guild. We represent the Lollypop Guild, and we wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land!”
“Are you a good witch or a bad witch?”
“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!”
Ah, hell, we can all quote the whole damn movie, can’t we?
Lexicon, I started another thread like this a couple of months ago, but I can’t find it either. No worries, this is fun again. Especially when I recognize the quote, but the movie isn’t given.
Vizzini: You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Asia,” but only slightly less well known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line!”. Hahaha!Hahaha! Hahaha-(thud)
–The Princess Bride
Dennis: Oh, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Bedevere: …and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped.
Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”
–Monty Python and the Holy Grail
BOB BARBER: I figure the good guy will win, just like always.
REX O’HERLAHAN: Yeah, except we’re both good guys.
BOB: Then I reckon the most good good guy will win.
REX: That’s what I figured too.
BOB: Yep.
[They clink back-and-forth on their spurs a few times]
REX: Look, Bob, you can’t beat me. You work for the colonels, and that makes me the most good.
BOB: Maybe. But I don’t drink whiskey with hair in it.
REX: Neither do I, I just buy it.
BOB: And I don’t have the colonel’s daughter, who’s practically a minor, out to my campsite after dark.
REX: Okay, that was wrong, I admit it.
BOB: In the company of a known prostitute and a notorious alcoholic.
REX: Well, I –
BOB: And there were drugs present.
REX: Well, I suppose you could say –
BOB: Yes or no?
REX: Yes! What are you, a lawyer?
BOB: Used to be, yeah. You did all those things, and you still say you’re a good guy?
REX: You’re damn right I do!
BOB: You don’t have to curse.
REX: I’ll curse all I want to! Damn, damn, hell, damn, tee-tee, doo-doo –
[A cluster of little kids was watching them from beneath the swinging doors. They giggle. Rex gasps.]
BOB: Hey, you young’uns shouldn’t be hearing language like that! Get on back to school! Obey your teachers and study real hard! [to Rex] Nice work. I also understand you’re 31, single, and don’t even date.
REX: Just what are you getting at?
BOB: Nothing. Except we both know that to be a good guy, you’ve got to be a confident heterosexual.
REX: A what?
BOB: A confident heterosexual.
REX: Uh … well, of course I know that! Everybody knows that! Now come on and draw, I’m gonna shoot you in both hands!
BOB: All right. Since both of us are good guys, neither of us can draw first. I’ll count down from five. 5 … 4 …
REX: Confident …
BOB: 3 …
REX: Did you say, a confident heterosexual?
BOB: Yes.
REX: I thought it was just a heterosexual.
BOB: No, no, it’s definitely a confident heterosexual.
REX: Oh. I didn’t know that.
BOB: Mmmm. Well, don’t worry, I’m just gonna shoot the guns out of your hands.
REX: I’d rather you shot me in the heart.
BOB: You know I can’t do that. 5 … 4 …
REX: Confident …
BOB: 3 … 2 …
REX: Uh, listen, Bob, I can’t fight you today. Maybe tomorrow. Or Thursday. Yeah, Thursday’ll be good. I’ll see you then.
– Rustlers’ Rhapsody
“69 is divine! 69 is divine!”
- The nurses in MASH* the movie (after # 69 scores in the football game).
Juniper, I’ll always be there for you mate. Anyone who loves Hudson Hawk deserves my loyalty. Rendeer goat cheese pizza fans have to stick together…
Anything from any Monty Python movie.
Anything from any Mel Brooks movie, especially Spaceballs.
Anything from the Princess Bride.
“Time sure flies when you’re young and jerkin’ off.”
-Jim Carroll
The Basketball Diaries
A quote wasn’t go enough. This is one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies of all time, Dead Poet’s Society.
Keating: Mr. Andersen thinks that everything inside of him is worthless and embarrassing, isn’t that right Todd, isn’t that your worst fear? Well I think you’re wrong, I think you have something inside of you that is worth a great deal. (Begins writing on blackboard.) I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world. W. W. Uncle Walt again. Now for those of you who don’t know, a yawp is a loud cry or yell. Now Todd, I would like you to give us a demonstration of a barbaric yawp. Come on, you can’t yawp sitting down, let’s go on, come on, up, gotta get in yawping stance.
Todd: A yawp?
Keating: No, not just a yawp, a BARBARIC Yawp.
Todd: yawp
Keating: Come on, louder.
Todd: Yawp.
Keating: Oh that’s a mouse, come on, louder.
Todd: Yawp.
Keating: Good God boy, yell like a man.
Todd: YAWP!
Keating: There it is. You see, you’ve got a barbarian in you after all. Now, you don’t get away that easy. A picture of Uncle Walt up there, what does he remind you of, don’t think, answer.
Todd: A madman.
Keating: What kind of madman?
Todd: A crazy madman.
Keating: No, you can do better than that, free up your mind, use your imagination, say the first thing that pops into your head, even if it’s total gibberish, go on, go on. Todd: A sweaty-toothed madman.
Keating: Good God boy, there’s a poet in you after all. There, close your eyes, close your eyes, close 'em, now describe what you see.
Todd: I close my eyes,
Keating: Yes.
Todd: and this image floats beside me.
Keating: A sweaty-toothed madman.
Todd: A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain.
Keating: Oh that’s excellent, now give him an action, make him do something.
Todd: His hands reach out and choke me,
Keating: That’s excellent, wonderful, wonderful.
Todd: and all the time he’s mumbling.
Keating: What’s he mumbling?
Todd: Mumbling truth, truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
[laughter]
Keating: Forget them, forget them, stay with the blanket, tell me about the blanket.
Todd: You push it, stretch it, it will never be enough, you kick at it, beat it, it will never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying, it will just cover your face, as you wail and cry and scream.
Keating:(whispers to Todd) Don’t you forget this
katie, you beat me to it…
Here’s one that’s nearly as good, though.
Sergeant Polhaus:
It’s heavy. What is it?
Sam Spade:
The, uh, stuff that dreams are made of.
–The Maltese Falcon
“You can’t fight in here; this is the War Room!”
- Dr. Strangelove
“In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.” - The Third Man
“I believe in two things: discipline and the Bible. Here you’ll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Shawshank.”
“I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are better left unsaid. I’d like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can’t expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a grey place dares to dream. It was as if some beautiful bird had flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.”
- The Shawshank Redemption
“Why did you come to Casablanca?”
“My health… I came here for the waters.”
“What waters? We’re in a desert!”
“I was misinformed…” - Casablanca
Kirk:“What does God need with a Star Ship?”
McCoy: “Don’t question the All Mighty”
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
“Wyatt Earp and his immortals ride again.”
“Why Johnny! You’re no daisy, you’re no daisy at all!”
Turkey: “Where’s Wyatt?”
Doc: “He’s down by the creek, walking on water.”
Turkey: “Why are you doing this, Doc?”
Doc: “Wyatt Earp is my friend.”
Turkey: “Shoot, I’ve got lots of friends.”
Doc: "I haven’t.
All from **Tombstone **
“And your grandfather brought up that Shake is always being taller than me, just to spite me!”
“Don’t cane me Sir! I was lead astray!”
“I now declare this bridge…OPEN!”
A Hard Days Night
John: “How do we know you won’t be filthy, when you’ve tricked up with your filthy Easter Ways.”
Girl: “No! It is Klang who is filthy in his Easter ways.”
Paul: “What filthy ways are these?”
Ringo: “It’s not mainlining or habit forming, is it?”
George: “No, not if you don’t swallow it.”
Help!
“I feel the need…the need for SPEED!”
Top Gun
Jack Nicholson as the Joker in Batman:
What kind of world do we live in when a man, dressed as a bat, gets all my press?!
seeing some Star Trek ones, I figured to toss one in there too.
Saavik:
You lied.
Spock:
I exaggerated.
“It’s 7am children, and you’re listening to RadioFreeHarvard on a chilly November morning. You’re at the greatest University on earth, and you know what? You’re in over your head. You’re drowning. Especially you seniors. Only 150 days before your thesis is due, and the powers that be decide whether you’re destined for greatness or mediocrity. I know what you’re thinking: ‘Do I really belong here?’ Probably not. But don’t give in, don’t give up. Arise fair Harvard, arise. You too can rule the world. You just have to crush everyone else, first. And now, some ‘crushing’ music, maestro…”
–Everett Calloway
“Harvard doesn’t have any standards left. They’ll let in anyone who’s bright.”
–Everett Calloway
S: “As a taxpayer, I’d like to request a trial-by-jury.”
J: “And when, might I ask, was the last time you paid taxes?”
S: “Three times, just last week.”
J: “You paid taxes three times?”
S: “Yes sir. There’s a federal, state, and county tax on wine.”
–Simon Wilder & Judge
“I’ve never wanted to be a razor so bad in my life.”
–Monty
“Winners forget they’re in a race…they just love to run.”
–Simon Wilder
“Colleges produce a lot of garbage. And Harvard, more than most.”
–Simon
S: “Which door do I leave from?”
P: “At Harvard, we don’t end our sentences with prepositions.”
S: “In that case…Which door do I leave from, asshole?”
–Simon & Professor
E: “When are you gonna realize that men are more than just pieces of meat?”
C: “The day I become a vegetarian.”
–Everett & Courtney
The quotes are from “With Honors”. It’s a terrific movie! If you haven’t seen it…see it! 
“I once made a marzipan voodoo effigy of the Fonz when I was in a coma after smoking some Bolivian prayer hash at Sammy Davis Jr.'s house.” --Dr. Evil (Austin Powers:TSWSM)
“I’m not drunk. I assure you officer, I’ve only had a few ales.” --Withnail (Withnail & I)
“Wipe out the human race? It’s a great idea, It’s great. But that is more of a long term thing.” Jeffery Goines (12 Monkeys)
Nice pants Sheriff.
Ms. Feathers in Rio Bravo
William Wallace: We’ll make spears, spears twice as long as a man.
Son: Some men are longer than others.
Father: Ah laddy, your mother has been telling stories about me again!
from Braveheart
They fought like warrior poets, they fought like Scotsmen, and won their freedom.
from Braveheart
Josey Wales: I reckon so
Josey Wales: I reckon not
from The Outlaw Josey Wales
All of the conversations between the 3 hyenias in The Lion King which ended in asking Ed (the one that didn’t actually talk) a question, to which he always responded with the truth whether it was appropriate or not. Many other lines in the same movie, most notably when Zazu started singing Small World…NOT THAT SONG!
Bugs Bunny: What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name a sports team The Ducks?
from SpaceJam
Rooster Cogburn: She reminds me alot of me
from True Grit
Army Officer: How is that your heading to Kentucky?
Natty Bumppo: We face North, then turn left real sudden-like.
from The Last of the Mohicans
May the Force be with you.
Alantus
Archie: Don’t think unkindly upon me.
Mary MacGregor: I shall think of you as dead, until my husband makes you so. Then I shall think of you no more.
- Rob Roy
Stephen: Him? That can’t be William Wallace! I’m prettier than this man!
- BRAVEHEART
Robert the Bruce: You have bled with Wallace! Now bleed with ME!
- BRAVEHEART
Jack Ryan: (imitating Sean Connery’s accent)“Therre are shome thingsh in therre, Mishter Ryan, that doon’t react well to bulletsh…”
- The Hunt For Red October
Wesley: As you wish.
- The Princess Bride
Boba Fett: As you wish.
- The Empire Strikes Back
Darth Vader: As you wish.
- Return of the Jedi
Where the white women at?
Excuse me while I whip this out.
Lookout: The sheriff is a ni. . .(bells ring)
Twonspeople: The sheriff is a-nearing! The sheriff is a-nearing!
Blazing Saddles
Generally you don’t see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
Ray: Everything was fine until dickless wonder here turned shut off the power grid.
Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Venkman: Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.
Listen! Do you smell something?
If someone asks you if your a god, you say YES!
Ghostbusters
Hudson: Hey Vasquez, you ever been mistake for a man?
Vasquez: No. Have you?
What are we supposed to use, man? Harsh language?
Maybe you haven’t been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked.
Game over, man! Game over!
Aliens
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Inconceivable!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Let me explain. . … No ther is too much. Let me sum up.
The Princess Bride