see below…
“You pull any your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger til it ‘clicks’” - The Big Lebowski
“Like this job!?” - Return of the Living Dead
“Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school wewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that!” - Life of Brian
“Maybe to them, dove means war.” - Mars Attacks
“I’m making a cup of tea… do you want a cup of tea Withnail?” (and every line after) - Withnail & I
Not funny, but immortal, IMHO. Mr. Rilch and friend and I watched this yesterday, as we always go.
“You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better; I’m an easy target. Yeah, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you…but I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings. You can say what you want about me: I’m not changing. Me…I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. Because with me, I’m the real article. What you see is what you get.”
John Candy (Del Griffith) to Steve Martin (Neil Page) in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. The only John Hughes film I like. Jeez, I got tears in my eyes just typing that speech.
My Favorite:
“We got both kinds of music; country AND westerm”
-The Blues Brothers
Gibert: “She’s not that kind of girl, Booger.”
Booger: “Why? Does she have a penis?”
Revenge of the Nerds
“It’s so stimulating being your hat.”
-Labyrinth
Didymus: “Sir Ludo, canst thou summon the very rocks?”
Ludo:" Sure. Rocks friends."
-Labyrinth
“I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave.”
-Labyrinth
“Your body’s dying. Pay no attention.”
-Interview With the Vampire
This is it! Toe to toe nuclear combat with the Ruskies.
I’ve heard a rant like this before. You sound like the Morning Star…you do, you sound just like Lucifer! I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the throne, well fuck that! I’m headin back to Wisconsin.
Anyone who runs is a VC, anyone who stands still is a well trained VC.
I just saw this this weekend.
From X-men:
Cyclops to Wolverine: How do we know you’re the real Wolverine?
Wolverine: You’re a dick.
Cyclops: OK.
Sorry if I boogered it up. I thought that was the funniest thing! Great movie.
“What’s the point of having a Doomsday Machine if you DON’T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT IT?”
“And although I, uh, hate to judge before all the facts are in, it’s beginning to look like, uh, General Ripper exceeded his authority.”
“Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition… one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.”
“You’re gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company”
Ripper’s entire rant on flouridation.
Bacall: “…speaking of horses, I like to play them myself. But I like to see them work out a little first. See if they’re front-runners or come from behind… I’d say you don’t like to be rated. You like to get out in front, open up a lead, take a little breather in the back stretch, and then come home free…”
Bogart: “You’ve got a touch of class, but I don’t know how far you can go.”
Bacall: “A lot depends on who’s in the saddle.”
From The Big Sleep
Another one from Real Genius:
Voice from above: “Kent. This is God, Kent.”
VFA: “Stop Playing with yourself.”
Kent: “It really is God!”
There’s no basement in The Almo! - Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
most of ‘An Ideal Husband’
I had a whole bunch at the start of this thread and now I’ve forgotten them all
From Shanghai Noon:
Jackie Chan and the silly white guy are in a prison cell. JC rips a strip of silk from his robe, drops it on the floor and pisses all over it. He then uses it (with the remnants of a chair leg) to bend the bars of the cell (picture a tourniquet).
Silly white guy: “Hey, you said ‘Wet shirt no break’, not ‘Piss shirt bend bar’!”
Perhaps it was the context, but damn, I laughed out loud for that one.
“Once that camera is off, he’s gonna fuck that little dog.”
- Old ladie clown, ‘Shakes the Clown’
I’ll try to stay away form all the quotes everyone remembers and squawks to each other all day ad nauseum…
“I’ll make you famous.”
-Billy ‘the Kid’, Young Guns II
“The skulls, the bodies… you give it all such a glow… I don’t know if it’s art… But I like it.”
-the Joker, Batman (1988)
“If I HAD a tumor, I would name it Marla.”
-Narrator, Fight Club
Mr. Larson (after Shooter McGavin successfully plays off his foot): “That’s two thus far, Shooter.”
Shooter: “Oh, you can count”
ML: “And YOU can count! On me! Waiting for you in the parking lot!”
-dialog from Happy Gilmore
Shooter McGavin: “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.”
Happy Gilmore: “You eat pieces of shit?”
-dialog from Happy Gilmore
“No Mr. Bond, I expect them to die.”
-Dr. No, Dr. No
My favorite Schwarzenegger lines:
(from Conan the Barbarian)
“Doesn’t anything hurt you?”
“Only pain.”
(from Terminator 2)
“I swear I will not kill anyone.”
“This ship can’t sink!”
“She’s made of iron, sir. I assure you, she can.”
Jonathan Hyde and Victor Garber, * Titanic. *
“She tried to sit in my lap, while I was standing up.”
Humphrey Bogart, *The Big Sleep. *
“You’ve always looked to leaders - strong men without faults. There aren’t any. There are only men like yourselves.”
Marlon Brando, *Viva Zapata! *
“If you men will take no pay, then none of us will.”
Matthew Broderick, *Glory. *
“God says he can get me out of this. But he’s pretty sure you’re fucked.”
David O’Hara, *Braveheart. *
“Looks like we’re shy one horse.”
“You brought two too many.”
Jack Elam and Charles Bronson, * Once Upon a Time in the West. *
“Memories are supposed to fade, Lenny! They’re made that way for a reason!”
Angela Bassett, *Strange Days. *
“I’m Spartacus!”
A cast of thousands, *Spartacus. *
“Show me what my blood and loyalty have purchased.”
Gabriel Byrne, The Man in the Iron Mask.
“What is this?”
“Sir, to set an example.”
“Of what? Courage and strength? I would have thought that was the last thing we wanted these Jews to see.”
Peter O’Toole, *Masada. *
“We’re cops! We’re not prepared to deal with this kind of violence!”
*Demolition Man. *
“It is the duty of a newspaper to comfort the afflicted and flick the comfortable.”
Gene Kelly, *Inherit the Wind. *
“In a child’s ability to master the multiplication table, there is more holiness than all your shouted hosannas and holy holies.”
Spencer Tracy, *Inherit the Wind. *
“We didn’t know it would come to that. You must believe me.”
“It came to that the first time you sentenced a man to death who you knew to be innocent.”
Burt Lancaster and Spencer Tracy, *Judgment at Nuremberg. *
“Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
Frank Oz, * The Empire Strikes Back. *
“Some call me . . . Tim.”
Attribution unnecessary.
“breaks over boys, don’t jusy lay there gettin’ a suntan, won’t do you no good nohow. HAW HAW HAW”
“put that shovel to some good use”
anything from blazing saddles
Jerry Mulligan: That’s… quite a dress you almost have on.
Milo Roberts: Thanks.
Jerry Mulligan: What holds it up?
Milo Roberts: Modesty.
-An American in Paris
Any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire. Raining down sulfur takes a huge level of endurance. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.
- Loki, Dogma
Brodie, I’ve always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you told me to do a striptease to the theme of “Mighty Mouse,” I did it. On prom night at the hotel when you told me to sleep under the bed in case your mother barged in, I did that too. And even during my grandmother’s funeral when you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let that slide. But if you think I’m gonna suffer any of your shit with a smile now that we’re broken up, you’re in for some serious fucking disappointment!
- Renee, Mallrats
Muad’Dib: Stilgar, do we have wormsign?
Stilgar: Usul, we have wormsign the likes of which even God has never seen.
- Dune
We’ve got a blind date with Destiny – and it looks like she’s ordered the lobster.
- The Shoveler, Mystery Men
Somebody wake up Hicks!
- Sgt. Apone, Aliens
Now hold it, hold it. We’re about to accuse Haldeman, who only happens to be the second most important man in this country, of conducting a criminal conspiracy from inside the White House. It would be nice if we were right.
- Ben Bradlee, All the Presidents Men
You know the results of the latest Gallup Poll? Half the country never even heard of the word Watergate. Nobody gives a shit. You guys are probably pretty tired, right? Well, you should be. Go on home, get a nice hot bath. Rest up… 15 minutes. Then get your asses back in gear. We’re under a lot of pressure, you know, and you put us there. Nothing’s riding on this except the, uh, first amendment to the Constitution, freedom of the press, and maybe the future of the country. Not that any of that matters, but if you guys fuck up again, I’m going to get mad. Goodnight.
- Ben Bradlee, All the Presidents Men
That’s probably enough for now…
Mister Donovan, I gotta go!
“It’s all ball bearings these days.”
“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”
“Orange whip? Orange Whip? Three orange whips.”
“We hand you this laurel, and hearty handshake…”
“I am Jack’s raging bile duct.”
“Leave the canolis. Take the gun.”
“This is the best pizza in a cup ever.”
“Stay away from the cans. He hates these cans!”
“I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
“No, it’s the Dude. Or Duder. Or Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.”
“It’s a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.”
“Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you.”
“You should never never doubt what nobody is sure about.”
“Snozzberry? Who’s ever heard of a snozzberry?”
BTW, I’m assuming that these are all pretty familiar to you dopers.