Another classic Willow moment that I just remembered:
the evil vampire Willow “meets” the Xander (thinking it is the evil vampire Xander she knew from the alternate reality): “Xander! You’re alive. …”(she leans in to kiss him, then bolts back in alarm)“You’re ALIVE!!!”
Willow, looking at the alternate reality vampire version of herself:
“That’s me as a vampire? I’m so evil, and skanky… and I think I’m kinda gay.”
God, Alyson Hannigan rocks.
After Willow’s “will be done” spell goes awry…
SPIKE: They have to hear it sooner or later.
BUFFY: Spike and I are getting married.
XANDER: How? What? How?
GILES: Three excellent questions.
SPIKE: (to Buffy) What are you looking at?
BUFFY: (intimately) The man I love.
(Spike & Buffy kiss.)
XANDER: Can I be blind too?
Specifically (partially memory, partially the shooting script site, so I apologize for any slight inaccuracies) :
XANDER: Where is he? Where’s the creep who turned me into his spider-eating man bitch?! I’ve got a flaming enema with his name on it-
BUFFY: He’s gone.
XANDER: Damn it!.. You know what? I’m sick of this crap. I’m sick of being the guy who eats the insects and gets the funny syphilis! As of this moment, it’s over. I’m finished being everybody’s butt monkey!
Some personal favorites (God, I love ‘Something Blue,’ and all of Joss Whedon’s dialogue.) :
(Something Blue)
BUFFY: Honey, we have to talk about invitations. Do you want to be “William the Bloody,” or like, just “Spike?” 'cause either way, it’s gonna look majorly weird.
SPIKE: Whereas the name “Buffy” gives it that touch of classic elegance.
BUFFY: What’s wrong with Buffy?
GILES: Such a good question.
GILES: It’s alright. I have more scotch.
(Innocence)
OZ: So, do you guys steal weapons from the army a lot?
WILLOW: Well, we don’t have cable, so we have to make our own fun.
(Earshot)
WILLOW: So, you’re feeling better about Angel.
BUFFY: Yeah, I mean we talked, and he ripped the heart out of a demon and fed it to me, and later we talked some more.
WILLOW: See, that’s how it should work.
(The Freshman)
SIDEKICK VAMP: Are we gonna fight, or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?
XANDER: Do we hug?
OZ: I think we’re too manly.
WILLOW: What’s a prank?
XANDER: Prank? Oh! The room! Some friends of Buffy’s played a funny joke, they took her stuff, and now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans.
WILLOW: Oh, those friends.
OZ: They’re funny guys.
Not dialogue (obviously,) but the whole overhead projector scene from ‘Hush’ deserves to be mentioned on general principles.
Lots of funny lines from the show Angel too. Is that another thread?
I love that line. [Over-blown ‘Southern Belle’ parody]Reeeeeelly I do.[/Over-blown ‘Southern Belle’ parody]
Funny syphilis! Butt Monkey!
Oh, that reminds me of a favourite bit.
While Giles is giving them a rundown on the Gentlemen, Buffy goes to enquire about whether their stakable.
By making a general stabbing motion.
Into her lap.
The looks on the others’ faces were…priceless.
OK, this probably won’t count, but I’m chiming in anyway. Spike’s monolouge from the first season of Angel where he is speaking for both Angel and one of his clients is a hoot and a holler. “Don’t touch the hair, never the hair!”
Due to the fact that I don’t have a WB affiliate, and the Fox affiliate airs the WB programing, and Buffy is on at like 7:00 or something, I rarely get to watch anymore. Feh.
Ok, somebody took the linoleum quote, but I just wanted to mention a non-quote - the Snoopy dance Xander did to convince Willow he was the real Xander. Boy, you’ve got to have confidence to do that on national tv.
Here’s some more:
from “Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered”
Angelus walks up to Drusilla and sets down a human heart, fresh and bloody.
Angelus: Happy Valentine’s Day, Dru.
Drusilla: Oh, Angel! It’s still warm.
Angelus: I knew you’d like it. I found it in a quaint little shopgirl.
from BtVS, “Angel”
Order of Taraka Vampire: We failed in our duty, and now our lives belong to you.
He hands the Master a spear. The Master passes it to Darla.
Master: Pay attention, child. You are the Anointed, and there is much you must learn. With power comes responsibility. True, they did fail, but also true, we who walk at night share a common bond. The taking of a life – I’m not talking about humans, of course – is a serious matter.
Colin: So you would spare them?
Master: Hmm. I am weary, and their deaths will bring me little joy.
The Master begins to walk away, and Colin follows. Darla watches them go, smiles, and kills the Order of Taraka Vampire. The Master stops and turns to Colin.
Master: Of course, sometimes a little is enough.
Cordelia: What is your childhood trauma?
Cordelia: Don’t you have an elsewhere to be?
Xander: What could be better than bowling?
Cordelia: Apart from everything ever?
Oz: I mock you with my monkey pants. (I know it’s been said, but it bears repeating.)
Xander: Can I just say, “Geeuugh”
Buffy: I see your “Geeuugh” and raise you a “Neeyaah”
Willow: I’m a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!
Angelus: It’s always about you, isn’t it Buffy?
Spike: everything he says…
From the Halloween Frat House episode:
Giles: Oh dear, I should have translated the inscription (under the etching of the fear demon)
Buffy: Why? What’s it say
Giles: “Actual size”