Favorite SDMB quotes

[Ukulele_Ike]

Here’s MY all-time favorite!

*Originally posted by Biggirl *
Ukulele Ike master of the one-liners.

[PunditLisa]

From the late Wally (MHRIP), which I shamelessly plagiarized and used for my sig line for a bit:

“67% of all statistics are made up.”

[Nacho4Sara]

My (new) favorite line ever is from OpalCat’s page. I don’t know who said it, but:

And read a book. I’ve eaten things smarter than you.

That was hilarious!

This is from a few days ago…Lexicon and I truly despise each other, but I’m joining his fan club anyway, because he is hilarious:

Really, cheesedick, if you thought came here to “comment on the irony of the thread title vs. the OP.” then why the hell didn’t you? Did you get distracted by a shiny object, or is it that you are as stupid as you sound?

Man oh man, I nearly peed my pants when I read that one. Shiny object…LOL.

[casdave]

My favourite was in reply from a troublesome and not too bright poster who wanted to know if you could get to med school on less than straight A’s.

The poster was wilfully stupid and another poster replied,

“The only way XXX will see the inside of med school is from a jar”

[casdave]

Seeing BjOrn was a blast from the past, I used to enjoy his lively encounters with Rousseau (where the heck did he go to ?)

My favourite one was a reply to BjOrn by Neurotrashgrrl, something like “BjOrn versus the English language, and in the red corner we have…”

I really wish I could find that again.

[Billdo]

The best quote and the best exchange I have ever seen on the board is in a thread by Brekinshire from March asking the age-old question Who is Cecil?

Neuro-trash grrrl, who sadly seems to have disappeared from the boards since July, gave the answer:

Who is Cecil? What is Cecil? Cecil is as the ebb and flow of the tides, as the solar wind dispersing the cosmic dust, as the pulsating cells of the brain. Cecil is the smile on your child’s face as he or she contemplates the knowledge in a brand new encyclopedia set, and the bill you receive for them afterward. Cecil is the dragonfly that soars on bejeweled wings, and the frog that catches the dragonfly as it zooms too low over the pond, and the alligator that eats the frog as it suns itself on a lily pad, the gator-wrestler who kills the alligator, and the heavy beer stein that smashes in the gator-wrestler’s head during a bar brawl in Baton Rouge. Cecil is as the molecular structure of our DNA, and also as the molecular structure of Grandma’s spinach-Velveeta soufflé just before it collapses, and the cheers of jubilation that follow. Cecil is the structural defect in your ice cream cone causing it to break and spill Rocky Road all over your new pants. Cecil is the physical laws that make airplanes fly, and also the physical laws that airplane designers occasionaly forget, causing devastating crashes. Cecil is the cockroach that refuses to die no matter how hard you stomp. Everything is Cecil, nothing is Cecil. Cecil is in all of us, Cecil is in none of us. Contemplating Cecil’s nature leads to cosmic enlightenment, and also migraine headaches.

Does this answer your question?

Brekinshire responded:

That was really beautiful. Words like those reaffirm my shaken faith in humanity.

So, uh, wanna have sex?

Neuro-trash Grrrl shot right back:

Sorry, I’m a lesbian.

Soon after, she added:

Sorry to butt back in again, but it just occured to me that I’ve never actually had to use that as a response to a pick-up line in real life… back to your regularly scheduled Cecil-contemplation.

and finished (as she did all her posts) with her signature:

An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.

I really miss neuro-trash grrrl and her posts. Anyone have any idea where she went off to?

[Billdo]

She also had the flame that sets the standard against which all flames will ever be measured in the [url=“http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=7224”]Democritus-Pucker Up, Ass Slammer!
[/quote]
thread.

Okay, why don’t the two of you just give it a fucking rest now? Each of you has your head stuck so far up the other’s ass that you look like you’ve switched bodies. Perhaps that explains the typos. Anyhow, somewhere, somehow, Sigmund Freud is reading those “yer mama” cracks and smiling. Get a life, or get a terminal disease and clear some room in this world for the people who have better things to do than engage in trite virtual sadomasochistic mutual masturbation. You both can suck my used tampons, you goat-raping, rat-stuffing inbred sons of a syphillitic gutterslut and a one-eyed midget named “Klaus”. Your conception was drug-induced, and your appearance reflects that fact. Fuck off and die.

Anyone who is looking for a tutorial in the art of flaming should check out that thread (which was really done in jest, but still).

[DoctorJ]

We can’t mention Satan without bringing up the best rant sign-off ever:

In closing, lick my bag.

And how can you mention the Great Cervaise Telemarketer Rant (the best damn thing I’ve read in months, if I didn’t say so before) without mentioning:

I have a butthole, too, but that doesn’t imply I want a running jigsaw inserted into it.

A real sleeper, and I can’t remember who said it, but in the GQ thread on goat launching, someone captured a young boy’s excitement that his goat had finally arrived:

“YAY! I’m gunna go poke my goat.”

In the Quoting Other People deparment, there’s the .sig line in which Ursula K. LeGuin gives the best advice one could possibly give to a medical student:

When action grows unprofitable, gather information. When information grows unprofitable, sleep.

I’ll think of more, I’m sure.

Dr. J

[Randy]

In “The Pit”, dublos’ reply to a Harris Thread titled “A Telemarketer Replies” is a thing of beauty, near Cyrano De Bergerac quality. Here’s a taste:

“Excuse me you poor feeble brained miscreant slacker As TVeblen so aptly pointed out to you, I didn’t call you and start bitching you out. You called me. You thrust your incomprehensively thick headed presence into my space without my permission or request.”