Favorite SDMB quotes

In My Humble Opinion
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The SDMB is full of great thinkers. Mathematicians, historians, doctors and even coal experts make this board the cream of the internet crop. So here, without even trying, you can find wonderful insight and deep thoughts.

It should tell you something about me that none of my favorite quotes contain anything near a deep thought. I searched my memory and then I searched the board and came up with just a few of my favorite SDMB quotes. Many of the good ones have become sig lines, so something like GreenBean’s stretched anus isn’t here (and aren’t we all glad about that!). Here are a few that I could verify through search.

I could fill a whole page with Homer quotes, but I’ll just do these three.

my breathing goes clump clump clump ba duhm bum bandadadad yeah baby that’s james brown style
Sometimes it’s tentacles of a one eyed medusa monster who eats people. But right now it’s a razor blade.
i wish i had amomnkey that dances to perat opera music and is a butler and wears a suti. he’ d be my monek ybutler suit dancer.

Sometimes bj0rn made more sense than he thought he did. Most of the time he made less.

i mean, the public wants clinton for president (hes proved that he is human yes, but is that a trait you are looking for in a man of his status)
it strikes my as strange, the way people connect posters to profiles. like connecting me and my posts to incomprehensibility either because everybody else
is talking about it or because they read a post that was incomprehensible.

Ukulele Ike master of the one-liners.

I believe it was the philosopher Harvey Pekar who coined the immortal phrase “A good shit is the best.”

the worst thing his parents ever told him
“Ike, we don’t love you, we’ve never loved you, and your very existance is a horrid mistake. May God forgive us.”

on learning UncleBeer paid for something
He picked up the TAB?!?

Hmph. I guess he had a better time with YOU fuckers than he did with us up in Chicago last November. He took a nickel out of his pocket, I swear Jefferson blinked at the bright light.

…what, didja have sex with him or something?

voguevixen explaining musical theater

ok, I did get all that, and you left out the part where there’s a gold pixie thing who plays a fife or something and the bad dancer breaks it in two, because he’s the “thug of the dance” or something and the good dancer comes out and puts the broken fife in his pants and it’s magically fixed until the bad guy steals his magic dancing belt and the pixie helps him steal it back…
There are so many, many more, but I’m too lazy to search them out. Do you have any favorite SDMB quotes?

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Oh my goodness I love that line! Yeah! And…

Hahaha!! Oh I adore the part about the guy in Pittsburgh. I have never laughed as hard as I did reading that.

Way to go Homer! :slight_smile:

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My new favorite one comes from Elvis in this thread:

And from the same thread, this one by ReservoirDog:

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In a beer thread, Zenster talked about how strong a certain beer was.

“It will put your dick in the dirt so fast you’ll be pissing mud for a week” :smiley: I love that one.

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The unitiated must check out the Page o’ Flames on fathom. Opal has been collecting great quotes for several years now. If these don’t make your sides ache laughing, you’re not a Doper. :slight_smile:

http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/flames.html

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This little gem is my favorite quote bar none, and comes out of the whole JDT debacle (like many a great quote):

and FTR, it too can be found on the Page o’ flames.

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I was supposed to remember what people said??

No one told me that there would be a quiz later…

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by lolagranola

----:p/
----///\\

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i was quoted!!!
…or is it i am quoted…im a quote…

bj0rn - shut up…

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Well, I took it as a sig. Not that I ever use a sig.

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There are just so many to choose from. Two recent ones that I saw were from Cervaise, in the infamous tele-marketer Pit thread:

“The irony here is so thick, I can wrap it around my car and call it a safety cage.”

“Or, if catching flies is our objective, we can all gather around you, ask you to open your mouth, and watch the filthy insects gravitate to the shit you’re full of.”

And this one from Biotop:

"The unhappy and bitter Heat Miser is a jerk…He is indeed, ‘too much’ "

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Oh my, every single day there’s at least one priceless bon mot somewhere on the board. That’s why this place is such a black hole timewise, because I feel like I have to read everything so I don’t miss something. Even so, I never saw the “Jefferson blinking from the nickel” line above. Hilarious.

The funniest thing I saw recently was by DRY. Someone claimed that, in junior high, they were already masturbating at the college level, to which DRY responded:

Brought me to a complete halt for several seconds, while I contemplated the brilliant mind that was able to produce that raunchily lateral pun. Kudos, sir.

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Oh, crap, I forgot to say thanks to Dire Wolf. ::sheepish grin::

(And I just found out that “The administrators have set the board to disallow people from making more than one post every 60 seconds,” or something. D’ohh!)

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While the wit of the SDMB posters often has me in stitches, the one comment that had me literally falling off of my chair was from Mamapotomus, talking about the Oopma Loompas freaking her out:

"Shamefully, in my fear, I once smacked a wee person atop his head one Halloween when he surprised me coming around a corner. "

It creates a strong visual image that has me giggling like a madman every time I think about it.

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This thread has risen from the dead. And with a guest appearance from bj0rn!

It will be a merry Christmas after all!

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My personal fave comes from Satan, who replied to Sk8rxtx complaing about no one remembering his birthday with the following:

“When you finish blowing out those candles, blow me.”

(At least I think that’s how it went; I’m too lazy to look it up right now).

That made me laugh so hard that beer came out my nose. Ow.

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Thank you, kind sir! :smiley:

I must say that this is quite a compliment indeed, coming from the author of the masterful Telemarketer Pit rant! :slight_smile:

You’d mentioned on the original thread that it made you spit a mouthful of Talking Rain at your computer screen.

I think that anyone who has a sense of humor considers it quite an accomplishment to make another poster spew a beverage all over his or her computer screen or keyboard.

[sub]Extra points if said beverage goes through the person’s nose[/sub]

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I kinda liked this one!