Marge (rhetorically): When did we hit the bottom of the socio-economic ladder?
Homer: I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.
Homer: I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there…PLEASE SAVE ME, SUPERMAN!
Sea Captain (on the phone): Call me back, Ishmael.
TV Announcer: The State Lottery, where EVERYBODY wins! (sotto voce) Chances of winning 1 in 865 million
Homer (sighing): “Rock stars. Is there anything they don’t know?”
My all-time favorite:
Smithers: I think women and seamen don’t mix.
Burns: We all know what you think.
Another quickie:
“They’ll play where I tell them to play, for I am the Mayor of Albuquerque!”
After Homer gets into an accident, coming home from Moe’s…
Cop: “So what is this ‘Moes?’ Some kind of buisness?”
Homer (thinking:) “Don’t tell him it’s a bar… Quick… What buisness would be open at this hour?”
Homer: It’s a pornography store. I was buying pornography."
Homer: “You better stay out of my ass groove! It took me years to form that groove!”
Bart goes into the Quick-e-mart, picks up a comic book, and flips through it. He sees Apu behind the counter, who is bound and gagged. Bart removes the gag. Apu immediately says, “This is not a lending library!”
“Tramapoline! Trampapoline!”
“Slow down, Tubby. You’re not on the moon yet.”
“It’s in Revelations, people!”
Burns: “Mother Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she’s losing? Well I say, hard cheese!”
When Homer was considering cheating on Marge:
Homer: “Moe, I have…a friend…who has this problem.”
Moe: “What’s his name?”
Homer: “Uh, Joey…Joe…Joe…Bob…Shabado.”
Moe: “That’s the worst name I ever heard.”
(some guy runs crying out of the bar)
Barney (calling after him): “Joey Joe Joe!”
That one cracks me up every time I think of it.
Also, from the Halloween episode with the evil Krusty doll:
Bart: “Wow, a talking Krusty doll! Thanks, dad!”
Grandpa: “That doll is evil, I tell ya! Evil! EEEEEEEVIL!”
Marge: “Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.”
Grandpa: “I just want attention.”
There were a couple of great ones that I had forgotten about on tonight’s episode.
Lisa: Just try not to freak out the blind guy.
Bart: I can’t promise I’ll try. But I’ll try to try.
Homer: So you can sit there eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to get him to come back, or you can go out and get your dog.
Bart: You’re right!
Homer: Rats! I almost had him eating dog food.
Lisa : Dad, why are you singing?
Homer’s Brain: Tell a lie, tell a lie.
Homer: Um, because I have a small role in a broadway musical. It’s not much, but it’s a start.
Homer’s Brain: [sarcastic] Bravo. [slow applause]
Not a quote, but an anecdote.
I once heard a radio show about Scientology. They interviewed adherents, some of them well known people and celebrities, such as Tom Cruise, etc. Never knew it, but apparently Nancy Cartwright- voice of Bart- is one of the Faithful.
Mind you, I’m not a believer, but to live and let live, right? The funny thing was, was Nancy’s regular voice sounds exactly like Bart, so as she was going on and on about what Scientology is all about, how great it is, how it’s changed her life, yadda yadda yadda-- all I could picture was Bart Simpson.
“Arr… that’s Dancing Pete. He dances for nickels!”
But there are so many of them!
Marge: “You can’t say ‘sex’ on the internet.”
Waiter, to Lisa: “Is there any way that we can harm an animal in order to make your meal more enjoyable?”
“Get Eurass back to Eurasia” - sign held by somebody during the immigration episode.
The entire ‘steamed hams’ exchange, especially “Not Utica, sir. It’s more of an Albany expression.”
Speaking of Wolfcastle quotes, I love the one where he’s over at the Simpson’s with his daughter.
staring intently at desserts
“Remember when I said I would eat you last? I lied”
this thread is too damn funny, and I don’t think we’ve even scratched the surface.
Professor Frink: This is what we call a square…
Chief Wiggum: Woah, woah, slow down egghead.
HJS: Look, Marge, you don’t know what it’s like. I’m the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I’m not out of order! You’re out of order. The whole freaking system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can’t handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend’s face, you’ll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it’s chinatown!
More from the one where Lisa becomes a vegitarian.
P. Skinner introducing the meat movie: (something about “certain agitators” demanding equal time)
“…we’ll just call her Lisa S… no, wait, that’s too obvious…Alright, let’s say L. Simpsion.”
Homer: “You mean, you’re not going to eat any more bacon?”
Lisa: “No.”
H: “No more ham?”
L: “That’s right”
H: “What about pork chops?”
L: “Daaaaad! Those all come from the same animal!”
H: “Oh, right Lisa! A mythical, magical animal”
“But Marge! If I catch this fish, I’ll be a hero, respected and admired for years!”
“BY whom”
“Those weirdos down at the worm store!”
I love the parody of McGyver (as well as I can remember it):
Chief: (some disparaging comment about previous actions that I can’t remember)
McG: Well that was a great view you had chief- from behind your desk!
Chief: That’s it, you’re off the case McGarnigle!
McG: No, you’re off your case, chief! (opens fire)
Also, from A Tale of Two Springfields:
Kent Brockman: And the newer Springfieldians use crass expressions like “oh yeah” and “come’ere’a’minute.”
Homer: “Oh yeah?? Bart, come’ere’a’minute”
Bart(without missing a beat): “You come’ere’a’minute!”
Homer: “Oh yeah??”
My brother and I always work these exchanges into normal conversations… cracks us up all the time…
K guys, I was laughing so hard so I hope noone posted this one
Scene:X-Files with Mulder and Scully in the forest at the end of Episode where Burns comes out glowing
Willie (w/ Club in his hand): Ahhh…it’s an alien…KILL IT, KILL IT!!!
Lisa: No wait, it’s not an alien, it’s Mr. Burns
Willie (w/ Club in his hand): Awwww…it’s Mr. Burns…KILL HIM, KILL HIM!!!
Ahahah…I can’t stop laughing now 