The Simpsons

Personally, I think the Simpsons is one of the funniest shows on TV. I like the Pulp Fiction episode where the cops are talking about McDonalds: the deputy talks about the Krusty Burger being called the QuarterPounder. (McDonalds? Never heard of it. Me neither, but apparently there are over 2000 locations in this state alone.) Chief Wiggims asks if McDonalds has (I’m paraphrasing from memory here) "partially homogenized algar-based gelatinous frozen dairy drinks? The deputy says “Yeah, but they call them shakes.” To which Wiggims responds: “Shakes, huh? You don’t know what you’re getting.” Anybody got some other favorites lines or scenes that they would like to share?


When Homer calls that sad sack, Frank Grims, Grimy

When Homer tells Lisa, “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

You can count the number of apples in one tree but never the number of trees in one apple.

The other day the had the episode where Moe sets up Homer and lands him in jail…Homer steals a cart of books breaks out of prison and is using the cart like a skatboard. He’s got a really mad look on his face he says

HOMER: Must kill moe, must kill moe
(Suddenly he puts both feet on the cart and rides it like a shopping card)
(Back to the mad face)
HOMER: Must kill moe, must kill moe
(he rides the cart like a shopping cart)

Lisa: “Perhaps there is no moral to this story.”

Homer: “Exactly! It’s just a bunch of stuff that happened.”

Just a short few (I could type dozens)

“That crazy lady who lives in our trash heap attacked me today.” “That’s not the way she tells it”

“Weasling out of things is what seperates us from the animals. Well, except the weasels.”

“I’m cold, and there’s wolves after me”

“Be they Christian, Jew or… miscellaneous.” “Hindu. There are a hundred million of us, you know.” “Well, that’s super.”

…and of course, my .sig line

“I guess it is possible for one person to make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”

Damn it. Forgot one of my all-time favorites.

“But Dad, if you’re the police, who’ll police the police?”
“I dunno… Coast Guard?”

The greatest ever:

Marge: Homer, why don’t you just go the the adult learning center and get your degree.
Homer: But Marge, everytime I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain.
Marge: Don’t be ridiculous
Homer: Remember that time I took that wine making class, and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: Homer, You were Drunk!
Homer: And How :)!!!


Moe after he get’s him arrested: Homer can ya every forgive me?
Homer: Moe, i can’t stay mad at you. You get me drunk.
They hug.

I too could go on and on.

Another good one.

Bart somehow causes a organ transplant team transporting a liver to spill it out onto the side walk. Barney than walks by and sees it and says: “Oh no you don’t, your not getting away from me again!” Picks it up, and stuffs it into his shirt.


Homer screws up the hippies (played by George Carlin and another famous guy i can’t think of) organic juice factory ala Ben & Jerry’s. He then decides to make amends by producing a new shipment of juice from he hippies “private stash” of presumably peyote and mary jane. So the big shipment distributed around Springfield, and the entire town starts tripping. Barney sitting on his couch hallucinating begins seeing the Greatful Dead Bears bouncing about, freaking him out. Then all of a sudden a giant pink elephant busts in through the door and tramples the bears. Barney says: “Hey Pinky, I can always count on you.”

Best simpsons dialog ever, from early season (first or second):

Lisa: Hey mom, what’s Santa’s Litle Helper doing to that girl dog?
Bart: It looks like he’s trying to jump over her, but he can’t quite make it. Go on boy, you can do it!

It’s a classic, and still my favorite…

Or there’s:

Homer: Damn you Walt Whitman! Leaves of Grass, my ass! I … HATE … YOU … WALT … FRIGGING … WHITMAN!

Or possibly:

Homer: In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

Finally, one of my favorite scenes of all times comes from the “Omega Man” Halloween episode, where Homer runs over Johnny and Edgar Winters, screaming “Get out of my way you pasty-faced zombies!” Not funny now, but if you a) saw it when it happened and b) knew who the Winters Brothers were, it was a classic moment.

Jason R Remy

“No amount of legislation can solve America’s problems.”
– Jimmy Carter (1980)

You don’t win friends with salad! You don’t win friends with salad! You don’t win friends with salad!

Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green

How could I forget

HOMER: I have to wait five days to get a gun. But I’m mad now!! Lousy guy thinks he’s so big. Boy if I had my gun…

Some Homer classics:

‘Ha, Ha, look at this country, you are gay’ (Uruguay)

On tightening the family finances:
Bart: ‘I’ve decided to start smoking and then give it up’
Homer: ‘That’s very commendable boy, I admire anyone who gives up smoking, heres a dollar’

'Simpson, Homer Simpson, he’s the greatest guy in history,
‘From the town of Springfield, he’s about to hit a chestnut tree’

‘Bart, a woman is lot like a refridgerator, 6ft tall, 300lbs, hmm hang on a minute a woman’s just like a beer, they smell nice, you’d step over your own mother to get another and once you’ve had one, you gotta try another woman’

‘Marge, you being a cop makes you the man of the house which makes me the woman, which I have no interest in except from occasionally trying on the underwear which as we discussed was simply a comfort thing.’

Homer, the best actor I know!

English fan

Homer: If you don’t like your job you don’t quit! You just go in there everyday and do it realy half assed!

Note, I am not sure if it is quit or strike.


Save water drink beer!

Lunchlady: More testicles mean more iron.

Ralph: The doctor said I wouldn’t get so many nosebleeds if I kept my fingers out of there.

Bart: God shmod I want my monkey man.
(I actually use this one often but modify it…ie Turkey shmurkey ad nauseum)

“Lisa, inside each of us is a battle between good and evil that can never be resolved”

Image of evil Homer dancing on good Homer’s grave singing and dancing (something like a one person congo line):

"I am evil Homer … I am evil Homer … "


Another favorite is Homer’s battle with Bart’s “Big Brother” father.


Homer’s ninja impersonation on “Whacking Day”.


But I think my truest favorite is when Homer battles Bart in video boxing. Women, in general, do NOT get this! The triumph of a boy over his father is a great moment … therefore the triumph of a father over his boy is so much sweeter! BUT Oh no … Marge doesn’t understand about the battle between father and son … she can’t wait 2 frickin’ seconds for Homer to grab his moment in the spotlight … to show his boy that he can still put him in his place ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHH! Every women I have asked about this has said that Marge was right to pull the plug. It is just a stupid game, and Lisa had some feelings to share. sob cry They just don’t get it!

Plus the lines are way cool.

Homer: “Ha blocked it … missed me.”

Homer: “Bart the bloody pulp Simpson is on the ropes. He’s hoping I’ll put him out of his misery. Well, you’re in luck Bart … her comes my right … OH NO!!”

Bart: “I would like to take this moment to announce my retirement from video boxing.”


Oh, and one more. “Please God, give a bald guy a break.” Love that line. It is said with such heartfelt … misery, you can’t help put feel some pity and compassion for poor Homer.

Just the first couple to come to mind:

Ralph Wiggum: When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University.

Superintendant Chalmers: Without that “H” how will anyone know it’s a Honda?

Also, somebody mentioned earlier the “Pulp Fiction” like episode. Whatta classic!

“Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!” W. Smithers

Constantly used in reference to my two kids, out of their hearing, one hopes:

Marge: (referring to the promise to send them to summer camp) Now, Homie, remember our promise to the children…

Homer: You bet I do! Eighteen years old and you’re OUT THE DOOR!


I have to go with Bernard, I think that the video boxing episode is the overall best one, I just love Lisa’s blues song, or Homer’s line…“The saddest moment in a boy’s life is when he realizes that he can do things better than his dad, and Bart experienced that at age 4!”

I have many favorites. Two that stand out are Homer telling Marge “It takes two to lie; one to lie and one to listen.”, and Ralph saying “This is the rock where I saw the leprecaun. He tells me to burn things.”

I love the Simpsons. Always fresh. I agree with the " Five day waiting period to buy a gun? But I’m angry now…"

Or when Homer exits the bar and sees his perfect double and says, " It’s my doppleganger…oh look at the dog with a fluffy white tail!"