The Simpsons

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

If I’m quoting from Homer, I’m not quoting the Iliad…

Homer: I’m not much of a praying man, but save me Superman!

Lisa: I still believe in protecting animal’s rights, but that still doesn’t excuse what I did. I’m sorry for wrecking your barbecue, dad.
Homer: That’s okay, honey. I used to believe in things too

Homer Simpson: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems

Homer: God bless those Pagans

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, “The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.”

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don’t show up tomorrow don’t bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I’m proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.

Homer: Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

Homer: So, I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end

Bart: Hey Homer, this house sucks!
Homer: Bart, I told you to never use that word! Call me Daddy.

Homer: Trying is the first step to failure.

Homer Simpson: I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!

Homer Simpson: I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fa-laaaaming

22

All-time suciest Simpsons line:

Burns: “What do you think, Smithers?”
Smithers: “I think women and seamen don’t mix, sir.”
(From the first Halloween episode, I think)

Burns’ father: “The Japanese! Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders!”

Homer: “Fist you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.”

Krusty: “I heartily endorse this event or product.”

23

Statistics can be used to prove anything! 14% of all people know that!

Chaim Mattis Keller
ckeller@schicktech.com

“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective

24

I love the episode where Bart put a phony personal ad in the paper and Mrs. Krabapple
(his teacher) answered it. Bart had to break off the relationship. He shared his problem with his family.
Lisa: You have to let her down easy.
Homer: How about "Welcome to Dumpville. Population: You?

Also when Mrs. Krabapple showed the sex education video about the two rabbits falling in love. The video showed the rabbit couples wedding night. All the kids in the class said EEEEEW. Mrs. Krabapple in a very blase tone said “She’s fakin’ it.”

Remember the film making contest. Barney made the winning film and it was so hilarious–He went to a girl scout meeting thinking it as an AA meeting.
Then at the end of the film he said “Don’t cry for me–I’m already dead.”
A lot of people I know don’t “get” the Simpsons. It is often brilliant.

I love the movies they show to the students.

Gail
“Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you, my friend–
Any minor world that breaks apart falls together again…”
-Steely Dan

25

Groundskeeper Willie: “My first act as Mayor is to kill the lot o ya and burn the town to ashes.”
Troy McClure: "Don’t you beleive iy Jimmy, if a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about.

26

“Is there a chance the track will bend?”
“Not on your life, my Hindu friend!”
“What about us brain dead slobs?”
“You’ll be given cushy jobs!”

…and of course, Homer’s one-second-too-late
“Mono–d’ohh!” at the end of the ‘number’.

27

“You’ve got the Shinning, boy!”
“Isn’t that the Shining?”
“Shhhh, you wanna get sued?”

I love the Halloween episodes. My favorite one is the one with the time toaster, where Homer goes to the perfect world, with the perfect kids, house and wife. He sits down to breakfast, ready to stay for good, and asks for a donut. All Marge says is “What’s a donut?” Homer screams and runs from the table, grabbing the toaster and going to another time. Marge and the kids stay at the table, and suddenly, from out the window you can see donuts falling from the sky. Marge looks at them and says “Oh, dear, it’s raining again.”

28

Detective Don Brodka, head of security at Try-N-Save (who catches Bart shoplifting):
“If I wanted smoke blown up my ass I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.”

Dr. J

29

Brilliant show–best writing on TV and it gets better every season! I think I will burn my TV when it goes off the air. My own favorite moments:

Homer hitting a statue of a deer–
Homer: “D’oh!”
Marge: “A deer!”
Lisa: “A female deer!”

And the time Marge’s mother told Homer’s father that her youthful beauty drove all her friends crazy:
Abe: “Which friends?”
Jacqueline: “Oh, Zelda Fitzgerald, Frances Farmer, little Sylvia Plath . . .”

. . . And the entire “Sharry Bobbins” episode (their all-round best, I think).

30

“We’ll live like kings- damn hell ass kings!”

31

its too good, the funniest show ive ever seen.
i cant even begin to name my favorite quotes…

but you gotta love the episode where he goes to NY!

Chief’s Domain - http://www.seas.ucla.edu/~ravi

32

‘Can’t Sleep. Clown’ll eat me.’

  • Bart, when Homer builds him a clown-bed just after Lisa’s birth.

(And man, I don’t blame 'im, that was one creepy-assed looking clown!)

‘They couldn’t hit an Elephant from this dist…!’

Last words of General John Sedgwick

33

Wish I knew the line exactly, but Apu once cursed:
“Shiva H. Vishnu!”

Mr. Burns: “I’ve got a rocket in my pocket, Smithers.”
Smithers: “You don’t have to tell me, sir!”

Voiceover on Krusty’s commercial offering free checks: “Checks will not be honored.”

34

“We’re here! We’re queer! We don’t want anymore bears!”

35

One of my favourite episodes is where the family goes to a fair and Lisa sees a fortuneteller, who then tells her all about her future (i.e. she won’t marry the guy). When Lisa complains about it, the fortune teller replies, “I specialize in relationships where you get jerked around!” (or something to that effect. I’m paraphrasing, I forget the rest of the dialogue) I almost fell out of my chair laughing.
On another note, I saw “The Simpsons” in French a couple of times, and the translation was absolutely brilliant. It was adapted to the Quebec market with plenty of Quebec references (and swearing) :wink: One episode I remember watching was the one where the teachers are on strike and Lisa is freaking, she’s saying that if teachers don’t go back to work soon, she won’t be able to get a decent education and will have to settle for a certain university in Montreal. It was a hoot! (you had to be there) :wink:

36

“Of course you’re going to hate New York if you only focus on the pimps and the CHUDs”

37

“Your Honor, I feel so confident of Marge Simpson’s guilt that I can waste the court’s time rating the super-hunks.”

38

Oh man, The Simpsons are why television was invented! A hundred great quotes per episode.
Some of my faves begin with “This is Troy McClure. You probably remember me in such films as…” Also the way Mr. Burns always says “Simpson, eh?”…jeez, I gotta stop or I’ll go on all night…

P.S. Jophiel: is that quote really from The Simpsons? Which episode? (I love that quote)

39

I don’t remember the episode, but Homer once told Marge “Sure, everything looks bad if you remember it”. Too true.

40

In one of the episodes centering on Apu (when he became a US citizen??), it is revealed that he attended classes at the
Springfield Heights Institute of Technology.

Also, for some reason, I found Donald Sutherland saying “Ah! My microwave johnnycakes are ready!” to be hilarious.

Burns has many great lines, especially ones relating to his great age, and his anachronistic references (“Sir, your left fielder has been dead for 117 years.”) “I want to see more Teddy Roosevelts and less Franklin Roosevelts!”