This is meant as a companion to Quimby’s In honor of the Simpsons 500th episode… thread.
Name your favorite Simpsons quotes. It doesn’t have to be one, I’m not going to be picky.
I’ll start with the immortal:
“To alcohol! The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems!”
The episode where women want to join the Navy (or whatever Navy-like group Springfield has).
Smithers: I don’t think women and seamen should mix
Burns : Yes, we know what you think.
“Why do I have the feeling that some day I’ll be describing this to a therapist?”
-Lisa, after… well, it could be almost anything.
“My eyes! The goggles do nothing!”
-Ranier Wolfcastle as Radioactive Man. Mostly because this one gets misquoted all the time.
“Never, Marge. Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors- oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called city fathers who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about ‘What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?’”
-perhaps Homer’s greatest rant
“You’re always taking other people’s sides! Flanders, the water department, God…”
-Homer again
“I know I should not eat the, but… mmm, sacrilicious.”
-Homer, after eating the “God” waffle
“Call me back, Ishmael.”
-Sea Captain
“I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there…please save me Superman!”
-Homer
And of course…
“Hey, this ain’t art, it’s business! Whaddya got in mind? Sexy broad? Gangster octopus?”
-Krusty
“D’oh!”
“I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!”
-Homer
“In Retrospect yes!”
“But that’s a problem for future Homer. Man, I don’t envy that guy”
-Homer
These are all quotes I use in every day life
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
“But your ad says no money down.”
“Oh, they got this all screwed up. Works on contingency? No, money down!”
“Hey Marge, remember when we used to make out to this hymn?”
Lisa: “Dad, don’t eat that eclair! It’s poisoned!”
Homer: shrugs “Eh, I’ve had a good run!”
Lisa (desperately): “Um… Ah… It’s low fat!”
Homer: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” throws eclair, which explodes
Chief Wiggen: “Man it’s lucky that thing landed in this smoking crater!”
I was going to suggest the alcohol line too. So very true.
Also:
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
There are tons of others, but those two are my favourites.
Lurleen Lumpkin: “Oh Homer, you’re as smart as you are handsome!”
Homer: “Hey! …Oh, you meant that as a compliment.”
One that always makes me laugh:
“Me fail English? That’s unpossible!”
From Bart the Fink (SNPP). It’s just full of gems, it’s one great Krusty rant:
Bart: I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you, Krusty, but you know, my mom says God never closes a door without opening a window.
Krusty: No offense, kid, but your mom’s a dingbat! There’s no silverlining here. I was a big cheese. A huge cheese! And now look at me! I got to ride the bus like a schnook. I got to live in an apartment like an idiot!I have to wait in line with a bunch of nobodies to buy groceries from a failure!
Bart: It doesn’t matter what you did wrong, though, as long as you’re on TV people will respect you.
Krusty: [spits] Bah. What good is respect without the moolah to back it up. Everywhere I go I see teachers driving Ferraris, research scientists drinking champagne. I tried to drink a Coke on the bus, and they took away my pass! That’s no life for a famous clown.
Also:
‘Save me, Jeebus!’
and:
‘9-1-1, this better be good!’
Gangster 1: “Hey, I thought you said you had him whacked?”
Gangster 2: “No; I said he sleeps with the fishes.”
Gangster 1: “…Ewwwww.”
“But karma can only be apportioned out by the Cosmos!” - Homer
"I never apologize Lisa! I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am. " - Homer
“I don’t know what God is exactly, but I know He’s a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together.” - Lisa
“The whole thing smacks of effort, man” - Slacker Kid
“Are you being sarcastic, dude?”
“I don’t even know anymore.” - Hullabalooza Teens
“You choo choo choose me? And there’s a picture of a train!”
“I didn’t think this was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.”
Dr. Hibbert: By all medical logic, steam should be shooting out of his ears.
Krusty: His ears if we’re lucky!