Best Homer Simpson Lines

“Sweet merciful crap!”

(After Lisa’s beach buddies glue seashells all over their car.)

“I don’t know if you’re up there, but if you can hear me, save me Superman!”

“Mmmmm…sugar walls…”

mmmmmm…open faced sand wedge [sandwich].

This was during an episode where he went golfing. I don’t really remember the details of the episode.

“Mmmmmm… unexplained bacon…”


I don’t apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that’s the way I am.

Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.

Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He’s always one step ahead.

Here’s to alcohol : The cause of … and answer to all of life’s problems.

I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.

“I am evil homer, I am evil homer”

“Oh. that’s going to be a lawsuit”

“I’m a lean, mean, speed…thingy”

“Oooh, floor pie!”

“Okay, brain, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. But let’s just do this and then I can get back to killing you with beer.”


Mmmmm… sacrelicious…

Oh Lisa, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean that I don’t understand.

[in response to Bart crying over something] There, there. Shut up, boy.

Young lady, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

All my life, I’ve had one dream: to achieve my many goals.
Save me, Jeebus!

Homer: Aw, a twenty dollar bill. But I wanted a peanut!
Homer’s Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Splain how.
Homer’s Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Whoo-hoo!

“This time I’m really gonna get rich . . . and quick!”

After telling Marge he was through with get-rich-quick-schemes.

Something to the effect of:

I saw this in a movie was a bus had to keep its speed over 50, and if its speed dropped, it would blow up. I think it was called…The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.

(stage whisper) “I think he’s talking to you.”

Kill my boss? Do I dare to live out the American dream?

Of course… It’s all so simple. No it’s not, it’s needlessly complicated!!!


That was a Milhouse quote. (Good one, though)

I don’t know, Marge, I can’t be expected to keep track of all my wheelings and dealings.

(Regarding a loan from Patty & Selma.)

You sure? I thought Homer said that in The Springfield Files episode with Mulder and Scully.

Nope, it was a Homer - from the Springfield Files episode, where he’s planning to get the afternoon off work.

Nope, it’s a Homer. Although Milhouse did have the wonderful:

“This is just like Speed 2, only with a bus instead of a boat!”