Favorite way to describe unintelligence or looniness?

In My Humble Opinion
1

We all know them:

Ignorance:
Not the brightest bulb on the porch.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

Looniness - or Ignorance and also a tad “off”:
The elevator doesn’t quite reach the penthouse
One taco short of a combo plate (used by Robin Williams to describe then-VP Dan Quayle)
One brick short of a load
Both oars aren’t in the water

Two questions:

  1. What’s your favorite saying like this?
  2. What new saying would you propose? A sports-minded friend suggested “one halfback short of a wishbone” which isn’t bad, but I am not sure everyone would get it. I would love one that involves, say the Beatles - e.g., “one Ringo short of the Fab Four” or something - but it isn’t funny and the point isn’t immediately clear.

Your contributions, both old and new?

2

Not the sharpest sword in the armoury (used in one of my fantasy novels).
One Coke shy of a six-pack.

can’t think of any more right now

3

Looniness:

Toys in the attic
Kangaroos in the top paddock
As mad as a box of frogs
As mad as a badger

(this one requires knowledge of the London tube system):

Dagenham (as it is two stops past Barking)

4

He’s got the full six-pack, but that ring thing that holds it together is gone.

5

I always described boneheaded people as ‘a special kind of stupid’

6

Mad as birds.
Daft as a jar of words.
Has the IQ of a used kleenex.
Couldn’t find (insert possesive pronoun) arse with both hands.

7

“Mere Ultra Monkeys”–for both.

Unless they can use a computer–then “Goddam Astro Chimps”. :slight_smile:

8

That boy’s dumber than a box of rocks!

[sub]My Daddy’s opinion of an ex of mine. Hee Hee Hee[/sub]

9

A couple suits short of a full deck.

10

“As dumb as a bag of hair” is a recent fave

“He’s got rocks in his head” - never fails to crack me up - I don’t know why…

11

Not nice, but a friend of mine asked another friend after a particularly stupid comment if he was “dropped a lot as a child?”

Plus there is always…

Fell out of a stupid tree and hit all the branches.

One player short of a football team.

All foam, no beer.

Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

As smart as bait.

12

My mom is partial to “too dumb to fuck.” Shocking, every time I tell you.

Crazier than a shithouse rat.

13

Dumb:
He needn’t worry about Mensa knocking on his door.

Loon:
That boy ain’t right (a la Hank Hill)

14

Your mom sounds like a kick!
That’s funny, because there is a German expression that says, “Dumb fucks good.”
For “dim” folks, I like:

Porch light’s on, but nobody’s home.

15

still my fave Foghorn Leghorn expression: “About as sharp as a sack of wet mice.”

16

Oh - just remembered:

Loon:

“What color is the sky in your world?” (asked by Fraser Crane of…Cliff, I think, in an episode of Cheers where Cliffy was pontificating about something pointless…

17

I was always partial to Edmund Blackadder’s “thick as a whale omelet.”

18

I always liked the variant “The lights are on, nobody’s home, and there’s a walrus in the garage.”

19

off depriving a village of its idiot

20

belladonna already mentioned my favorite, “dumber than a box of rocks.” “Knucklehead” is also good. And “Have you more hair than wit, sir?”

For loony, I like “crazy as a rat in a coffee can.”