He's so stupid that...

What’s your favorite way to to illustrate someone’s relative intelligence? For a long time, my fav was “He’s as dumb as a stump.” Used to always get a giggle out of my SO.

Now, though, BratMan007 has blown that one out of the water with his devilishly funny “He’s so stupid that he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.” I always laugh my ass off when I hear that one, BratMan007.

C’mon, all, what’s your favorite phrase for expressing stupidity?

One of my faves is “She/he has cobwebs in the windmills of her/his mind.”

This is my favorite because it works on so many levels.

He is so dumb he can’t fart and chew gum at the same time.

What’s so great about it? Well, it was first said about an American president, Gerald Ford. It was said by a former president, Lyndon Johnson. How much better than that can it get. Can you imagine someone having the balls to say that about George Bush? Of course not, it would be considered a great breach of tact. Yet this comment was said by a former president. I just love it.

He’s so stupid it took him 3 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

or, and:

He’s so stupid he thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico.

So stupid he was fired from M&Ms for throwing away the "W"s.


brachyrhynchos is so stupid that he thinks he needs to apologize for pushing up the post count on my thread.

ducks and runs away

Another one:

He’s so stupid he cooks with Old Spice.

(BTW, i’m a she :). check the webpage.)

Damn, sorry 'bout that brachyrhynchos. I actually stopped to ponder your gender about halfway through that post, and went “What the hell, chances are it’s a guy.” since this message board seems to be about 70% male/30% female. Shoulda looked, I guess.

(and, btw, you missed a great opportunity to spout off about how stupid I am…)

That’s okay Athena - it’s sometimes hard to tell on these boards. “brachyrhynchos” isn’t exactly a giveaway, either. Hey, I wouldn’t bite the hand that started a great thread!

And to keep on the OP:
He’s so stupid he tried to strangle himself with a cordless phone.


He’s so stupid he took the Pepsi Challenge and chose JIF.

(Ba-da-BOOM! Goodnight, everybody!)

He climbed into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking.

He fell out of the family tree.

Here’s a few of my favorites:

She’s a can short of a six pack.
It doesn’t appear that his elevator stops on all floors.
He’s one of the dimmer bulbs in the pack.

Here’s two from columnist Molly Ivins:

If dumb were dirt, he’d have about 40 acres…
That boy is dumb enough for twins…

A taco short of a combination plate…

Dumber than a box o’ rocks…

“(s)he’s as sharp as a sack of wet mice.”

“(s)he’s not the sharpest spoon in the drawer”

“(s)he’s a few bits short of a byte.”

How about, “His elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top”?

I like BratMan007’s saying, but the version I heard was simpler. I can’t even remember how man times my father said to me “You’re so stupid you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with directions on the heel”.

I used to work with him on the weekend installing furnaces and air conditioners and he used to regularly tell me I was so worthless that “You can be replaced with a nail”.

I always say…

“He came from the short end of the gene pool”

“Not the brightest bulb”

“A dull knife”

“One brick short of a load”

“The cheese slipped off that cracker”

o/~ Not the sharpest tool in the shed. o/~

Not the blankiest blank of the blank

Your intelligence is rivalled only by garden tools.

Defintely a low-watt bulb, there.
Bread not baked all the way to the center.
Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top.
Half a Bubble off Plumb.
Few bricks shy of a full load.
The old “For Rent” sign is up there. (Family in-joke)