Now HERE is a flame!

The BBQ Pit
1

From rec.motorcycle and the Neuroism.net board. No, I didn’t compose it myself, but I wish did!

> Brett, you old marmot felching, fellator of diseased yaks. Welcome to > the group! We haven’t had anyone this appallingly misanthropic, and > just plain spiteful, since the Chebucto Chunderhead. We do appreciate > your attempting to crawl out of the primordial slime, and better > yourself, by posting in here. Unfortunately, you were bettered in the
> entrance exam, by a frozen turnip, a broken toaster, and a stretched > Panhead primary chain. Your habit of picking scabs, is, well, stupid.
>
> The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi has said: “Jacobs is transcendentally stupid.”
>
>
> Jimmy Durante came back from the dead to say: “Dat Tree Fingers is so > stoopid, I never seen nuttin stoopider. Inka-dinka-doo.”
> > Scarlett O’hara, of Gone with the Wind, said: “Oh Brett, I do believe > you are the stupidest man, I’ve evah seen.”
>
> Stephen Hawking, in “A Brief History Of How Stupid Jacobs Is”, stated: > Brett is an example of what we call Singularity Stupid. Stupid > collapsed on itself so far, that even the neutrons have collapsed. > Stupid gotten so dense, that no intellect can escape, kind of stupid. > He emits more stupid in one second, than the entire galaxy emits in a
> year.
>
> The Commandant of the United States Marine Corps, pointed at you, and > said, “STUPID!!”
>
> Howard Cosell: “Well, Brett…
> After your inept displays,
> Of egregious intellectual dysfunction,
> There remains but one question.
> How could anyone be so stupid?”
>
> The State of Texas, has passed a resolution to have a, “Gawdam, that 3 > Fingers Boy is so stupid, he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot, with a > hole in the toe, and instructions on the heel” Day. Because of your
> Texas-sized stupidity.
>
> Bob Dole said: “Bob Dole says that Jacobs is stupid, and when Bob Dole > says that Jacobs is stupid, Bob Dole means what he says. Stupid. Right.”
>
> Oprah Winfrey says, “Hi, on “Oprah” today, we are discussing how Brett > Jacobs can be that stupid.”
>
> Beck has written a song with the lyrics: “Jacobs is a loser, baby, why > don’t ya kill him”
>
> You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, > nasty and profane. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on > you, and laugh. You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are > ridiculous and obnoxious. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless
> void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile > one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling meat slapper.
>
> Everything you have ever posted, or said, has been done before. And it > was better, the last time. You are a half-witted peter puffer, and you > clearly show yourself to be the most socially-inept, boorish, > flame-inviting idiot that ever has ever posted in the newsgroups.
>
> You repeatedly initiate incoherent, flaky, boring, and mindless threads, > and you egregiously assume moral, intellectual, and physical > superiority. It must suck to be you, but then, you already know this.
>
> You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of rmh. You have greatly > misunderstood the purpose of the Usenet. You are a loser. You must have > spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this clueless.
>
> Did I mention that you are stupid? I cannot believe how incredibly > stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. > Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole > different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid.
> Meta-stupid.
>
> You clearly show yourself to be the most neanderthal, snotty, > first-against-the-wall-when-the-revolution-comes, raving, hemorrhoidal > misogynistic, slope-browed, eye-rollingly-sub-human, crappy, > threat-to-the-gene-pool, backwards, in-bred, sack-of-pus,> walking-advertisement-for-a-state-sponsored-sterility-program, > boot-licking, unfit-for-human-consumption, irritating, disgusting, > onerous, worse-speller-than-I, glassy-eyed, flame-inviting, creepy,
> spiritually-devoid, whiny, needing-of-professional-supervision, > humorless, vile, sexually-undesirable, hell’s-pawn, > lacking-in-any-sort-of-grace-or-erudition, “Me-Too”-posting, addled, > un-repentantly-and-wickedly-perverse, trash-talking, toejam-sniffing, > anus-for-a-mouth, toad-like, trying-on-one’s-patience, filthy, > sheet-and-pointy-hat-wearing, evil, reprehensible, mucus-dripping, > just-turn-them-insideout-for-a-few-more-days-smelly-underthings-wearing,
> no-neuron, sunken-chested, piss-poor, foul-mouthed, scum-sucking, > rent-boy, sickeningly-ugly, clue-repulsing, “Make-Money-Fast”-spamming, > bringing-a-pen-knife-of-an-intellect-to-a-nukefest-of-a-battle-of-wits, > incapable-of-coming-to-terms-with-your-own-wretched-existence,
> white-trash, boorish, rat-like, > living-proof-of-why-cousins-shouldn’t-marry, > can’t-be-allowed-sharp-objects, socially-inept, classless, inexcusable, > plaid-pants-wearing, zt00pId-laMer-Ta1k3inG, netscape-enhanced, > offensive, hate-filled, god-damnedest, insulting, unredeemable, > make-me-wish-I-had-a-big-hammer-to-beat-some-sense-into-you, > fearlessly-posting-disgusting-insults-with-a-stupid-handle, idiot that
> ever has ever obtained Usenet access.

>
> And I wish you would go away. Realistically, I don’t think you have the > intellectual wherewithal to make such a decision, i.e., a correct one. > So you will stay here, spooging your petty hatreds and minor thoughts,
> into the ether, annoying any and all, until someday, someone, is gonna > grab ya by the ears, and pull ya on like a sock.
>
> the heekster
> '55FLE

2

He forgot “goat-feltching”.

:smiley:

3

I liked the quotes section. Very nice touch.

4

Daaaaaaaaaaamn!
doesnt leave much room for doubt does he?

5

Nobody likes a fence-sitter.

6

Once you’ve felched marmot (see opening line) you never go back.

7

Aaaah, good to get a big laugh on Monday morning, thanks…

8

rec.motorcycle - what did he do, bash Harleys?

On Usenet, anything goes, and it usually does.

Reminded me of something else. In a copy of the English bike mag “RIDE”, someone had responded to a very arrogant sent-in letter from a reader, nitpicking at an article in a previous edition. I don’t even remember what the nitpicking was about, just that it was very petty. So, this guy sends in a response to counter the nit-picker. Something along the lines of:

“I believe mr <Nitpicker’s name> must have mistaken RIDE Magazine for Complete Tossers Monthly when he picked up his copy last month. The two magazines are quite similar in size.”

I nearly busted a gut. :smiley:

9

heh.

I’m in awe :slight_smile:

10

I wonder how much time it took to write that? Adding - inbetween every word really ads a lot of time there.

That’s hate, pure and simple.

And funny as hell.

11

Gotta love it. A Flame-Warrior’s Flame-Warrior!

12

Are Flame-Warriors taking over in…?

13

Similar to Coldfire’s example, one of the best recent flames I’ve seen came during a dustup in The Weekly Standard involving conduct at the UNRWA-funded Jenin camp. David Tell of the Standard responded to a letter by Paul McCann of UNRWA with a letter beginning:

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You called?

:confused:

(Oh! Sorry. :o )

Esprix

15

Hmmm…I didn’t think of that pun, Esprix. heheeh…

16

Heh. I’ve seen a few small parts of that flame before but it’s still funny. :slight_smile:
Here’s some more stuff I’ve found over the years:
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

Of what possible import do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have any more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, awaiting the inevitable bite of the snake?

I will never get over the embarrassment of being forced to share the same sector of the galaxy with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the sex-appeal of a road accident. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well… it didn’t really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a truely creative flame was pathetic. I mean really, stringing together a couple of insults amid a load of hysterical babbling was hardly effective… Perhaps later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell and think, you will have more success. True, these ARE rudimentary skills that most of us “normal” people take for granted and that everyone else in life masters at an early age. But we sometimes forget that there are “challenged” persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known that this was your case then I never would have read your post. It just . . . wouldn’t have been “right.” Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.