He's so stupid that...

If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.

If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Stupid? He’s reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

He has serious delusions of adequacy.

He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

He’s depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

He’s a gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

He’s so dense, light bends around him.

who’s wally?

The best line I know of that I came up with along these lines was the phrase “eyeball to prostate viewpoint”. Although, strictly speaking, that’s not referring to stupidity. Anyways, I offer it to all of you guys, free of charge.

I used this in the Pit a while ago, and trying to find it again I realized “damn, I’m pretty far from a Pit virgin.” I used search, and was sitting there trying to think of all the morons I’ve flamed in the past couple months. I’m a fairly decent flamer IMHO. Take that however you want.

Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.

During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.

Mind like a steel trap - anything entering gets crushed and mangled.

Doesn’t have both oars in the water – can’t even find the damn boat.

People around him are at risk of second hand idiocy.

Mind wandered and never came back.

Couldn’t write dialog for a porno flick.

It would be easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing.

Couldn’t find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him.

Doesn’t just know nothing; doesn’t even suspect much.

Mind readers charge him half price.

Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.

Not only a few brick short, but is missing someone else’s bricks as well.

Try reading Over 1000 of these sayings.

He’s a fertilized polar body (Little Biology humor there. Very little).

And you wonder why animals eat their young?

He’s dumber than a box of hammers.

(From a stand up comic) Gonna have to get a helmet for that one. He’s gonna be on the short bus, licking the window.

He’s a waste of genetic material, better suited for a head of lettuce.

And the classic: He couldn’t find his ass with both hands and a flashlight.

And who’s fault is that Wally?

Initial Entry, you stole my line! Great minds think alike…
I love ya, Wally, really I do. :smiley:

He’s so stupid, he fell out of the stupid tree, and hit every branch on the way down.

Got up, tripped over the ugly stick, and decided to try the tree again.

In response to someone saying “I didn’t know…” say "Lady (or mister) what you don’t know could fill a warehouse

His I.Q. would not measure above room temperature.

He has the I.Q. of patio furniture.

He’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

He has to be reminded to breathe.

Suitable for vegetarian consumption.

Dumber than a box of rocks. A box of STUPID rocks.

My favorite, probably a peculiar New Englandism, was always:

Doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.

(which usually elicited a response involving someone else pointing at their posterior and saying “Elbow, right?”)

“he’s about as sharp as a bag of wet mice”
(Foghorn Leghorn, IIRC)

Stolen straight from MST3K, “…Rock dumb hillbillies.” You can’t get any better than that.


He’s a few fries short of a happy meal

Thicker than two short planks held together with Stupid Glue.

Not the brightest crayon in the box.

Sharp as a ball peen.

He’s so stupid he thinks the Mexican Border pays rent. (That one is Foghorn Leghorn)

He’s got a lot upstairs. No brains, just an empty lot. - from an old “Quick Draw McGraw” cartoon.

He’s so dumb he thinks he lives at the corner of “Walk” and “Don’t Walk”. - bastardized from a Jimmy Buffett song.

Not the brightest coin in the fountain.

He’s so stupid, he went up to a parking meter, put a coin in and expected bubble gum to come out.

He’s so stupid, he got hit by a parked car.

(These were submitted by my daughter.)

You can tell he played contact sports in college.

(This was submitted by my wife.)

From a Dave Barry article about how disgusting bait is, a phrase fish use about each other:

“He’s so dumb he’d eat bait.”

Beaten with a stupid stick till it broke