I am so glad I started this thread. This stuff is gold, Jerry!
I have been getting great milage combining many of the others:
Not the sharpest beachball in the cookie jar.
Give the Sister a high five. That rocks.
Obtuse
The one I use most is “Dumber’n a box of retarded hammers.”
You can imagine the expressions on the two or three students she told this to. :eek:
Dumb as a box of rocks!
Phelpsian
He’s doing a heck of a job!
“Strong like bull, smart like tractor.”
*He…
…doesn’t have both oars in the water.
…is a few eggs short of a dozen.
…is few french fries short of a Happy Meal.
…is about as bright as a small appliance bulb.*
If brains were dynamite, he/she wouldn’t have enough to blow his/her nose
The cheese has slid off his cracker.
He’s new.
I like that - it’s kinda like the official Southern phrase for “moron”: “Well bless your heart!”
Foghorn Leghorn has at least three per episode:
He’s so dumb he thinks a pig pen is something to write with.
He’s about as sharp as a pound of wet leather.
etc.
He ain’t right
Stupid like a football bat
He’s a few bricks short of a full load.
Oh! I have a Foghorn-ism from one of his cartoons:
Note that the “eeww” part must be said while screwing up your face into a silly expression - at least that’s how our Foul-Feathered Friend did it in the cartoon!
I say “in the crib.” No one else does.
He’s a bit touched.
(However, this is usually used for people with genuine intellectual disabilities.)
He’s as useful as a three-legged dog with its ass shaved.
I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but I heard it from a co-worker wrt another co-worker, and it stuck.
or “Reeeeal nice fella”