Oh, see, now - you’re just bad.
Add my brain to his brain and you get my brain minus an ounce.
Reminds me of one my stepdad was wont to say: “So dumb he’d pay a dime to see a piss ant eat a bale of hay.” And I’d always think, “Well, it’s just a dime…”
Actually, I think piss ants are just intrinsically funny. If I wasn’t a dung beetle, I’d be a piss ant.
I’d insult her to her face, but then I’d have to explain it three days later.
When he wants intellectual stimulation, he watches NASCAR.
I hear he’s been working on his first book for the last ten years. Next time, he plans to read a shorter one.
She’s just a little too slow for the short bus.
Ignore him – his wheels just aren’t turning right since the hamster died.
When God was passing out brains, he was out looking at dirty pictures in the cellar.
The phrase “LOL” is mightily overused these days, and it’s very rare that something on a message board can actually, physically, really make me laugh out loud.
But you did it.
From my SO:
He’s about as smart as a soup sandwich
He’s about as smart as a screen door on a submarine
Two sandwiches short of a picnic.
Not the full shilling.
Not the sharpest needle in the pack.
Not the brightest button in the box.
And these two, usually used to refer to people who are simply deeply incompetent, rather than actually lacking in mental capacity:
Couldn’t organize a piss-up in a brewery.
Couldn’t organize a gang-bang in a whorehouse/ convent.
Smart as a bag/box of hair.
S/he’s a real braintrust, eh?
Though generally I take a leaf from Hank Hill: That kid ain’t right.
In Mensa circles, there used to be lots of remarks about a fictitious group called “Densa,” which is supposedly the folks who score in the lowest 2% on IQ tests. Of course, in real life this would not be funny, but that doesn’t seem to keep a lid on the jokes. I confess to having laughed at some of the “Densa” humor.
A few bricks shy… (I leave ‘of a load’ implied, most of the time.)
Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.
Replaced the Ace of Spades with a Joker.
Not sharp enough to cut butter.
Rolled a 3 on INT.
“Oh, he’s a nice guy, but…” (Stage whisper) “Otnay ootay ightbray, if you catch my meaning.”
Not all the dogs are barking on that unit.
From Shakespeare’s Troilus & Cressida: “Idol of idiot worshippers” and “Fusty nut with no kernel”.
His alligator doesn’t go all the way to the top. (Cajun version?)
Head like a bag full of doorknobs.
He wore a helmet, but wasn’t on a team.
A few fries short of a fry.
About as bright as a 50-watt speaker.
Not the sharpest spoon in the drawer.
S^G
Dumber’n dubbya
For simple nostalgia, my favorite will always be,
Not hittin’ on all eight
[the first time I heard “not hitting on all six” was the first time I felt old]
Favorite variations on previous entries:
Strong as an ox. Almost as smart. [Thanks, Dave]
Dumber 'n stone [That’s one of mine; I find it pleasantly understated]
My personal standard
Brain optional with that model?
But the all time winner for indicating, “what, are you stupid?” (or perhaps “what are you - stupid?”) was my late mother’s sigh. A gross of high school guidance counsellors, with a chemistry teacher tossed in for seasoning, wouldn’t make you feel as bad.
He’s got a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
So stupid he made baby Jesus cry…
My all time favorite: Stupid as a fried popsicle.
Dense as a dumpster fulla engine blocks.
Crazy as a soup sandwich. (Did I already see that one? Don’t mind me, cannot brain today, I have teh dumb…) :smack: