I remember a skit in which a long haired Benny Hill is taken home by a young lady to meet her father. Benny is dressed in leather from head to toe, and sits down on a leather couch. The remainder of the dialog is obscured by all kinds of improbable noises caused by leather rubbing on leather. The look on his face as he tries to limit the noise by crossing his legs in slow motion is priceless.
[Shock and Awe] How could she POSSIBLY say that? He was in a Walt Disney Movie!![/SaA]
Woodstick,
La-la-la-la Woodstick,
Ya-ya-ya-ya,
Three whole days of love and peace and joy,
Three whole days of love and peace and JOY!!!
Very Serious Game Show Host: What is an ASCOT?
Little Old Man: Eh…A little Donkey.
Very Serious Game Show Host: What is an ASSET
Little Old Man: A little donkey’s bed.
Very Serious Game Show Host: Well Done…and you will be.
Damn. I mixed those two up. Replace the capitalized words to complete the jokes, folks.
One I remember, at the height of Benny’s popularity, which wasn’t actually a Benny Hill sketch, but an SCTV sketch, was “Benny Hill Street Blues” in which the SCTV’ers re-imagined Hill Street Blues as a Benny Hill parody.
This one always makes me laugh:
Hot Young Girl: I always give Tit for Tat.
Benny: Tat. 
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang wasn’t Disney; it was UA.
[Confounded]
Well, so it was! I did not know that. Consider my ignorance fought.
You gotta admit, it seems like a Disney film.
Right?..please?
[/Confounded]
Yes!!! Loved that.
Also, he was a news announcer reading “I can’t say that!”
someone whispers to him “Oh! You’ve gone far, Ted.”
One that springs to mind is: Benny played the host of a talk show, who had a special guest on to talk about euthanasia. As the guest starts speaking, Benny gets this “uh oh” look on his face, and the camera pulls out to reveal the banner behind the two: “Youth In Asia”.
A musical number, titled “The Streaker’s Ball”
Benny:“Susan came along, she’s a lovely bit of stuff”
Background Singers:“at the Streaker’s Ball!”
Benny:“Johnny had a stroke, and so did Mister Duff”
Background Singers:“at the Streaker’s Ball!”
Benny:“I wanted one as well, but I wasn’t quick enough!”
Background Singers:“at the Streaker’s Ball!”
It does seem like a Disney film. I think it’s a pretty common assumption.
You will never find hairs on a duck egg
You will always find hairs on an ape
It is only the hairs on a gooseberry
That tells you it isn’t a grape
and what about:
Ernie - he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
She said she liked to bathe in milk
He said alright sweetheart
When he finished work that night
He loaded up the cart
Benny Hill actually saved my life once. We docked at 42nd street in New York, went wandering around and guess what - ended up backed up in a corner with a gang surrounding us. 2 girls 1 guy. The fella was a Scouser (from Liverpool), it was a your girls or your life thing … Mick (and this is his name) broke a bottle and started yelling:
Come on you bastards, you’ll have to take me out first. One of the gang members said:
Hey, these dudes are English - do you know Benny Hill.
We could not believe it!
We all started singing the Benny Hill theme he would use when he speeded up the action chasing some buxom blonde around.
The hoods started saying - hey you guys better get off home, it’s not safe around here!
“I’ve never been so insulted in all my life!”
“Well, that’s your fault isn’t it - you should get out more.”
and one that I’ve actually managed to use a couple of times:
“Do you know what I think?”
“Yes, tell us what you think. We could do with two minutes of silence.”.
Some of my favorite Benny Hill jokes…
Benny as Fred Scuttle is a furniture mover being interviewed for a job by Henry McGee. Benny says, “I’d like you to meet my helper, Atlas.” Enter Jackie Wright, the little bald guy. McGee: “You call him Atlas??” Benny: “Well, 'e’s got no 'at on, 'as 'e?”
Another had Benny rehearsing a sketch with one of his beautiful girls; a pair of stagehands enter and start unloading telephone after telephone out of burlap bags onto a table in the foreground. Benny looks puzzled, then it dawns on him; and he stops them, saying “No, no, I said we needed TWO SAXOPHONES!” (Two sacks of phones…)
Benny lying sick in bed, while his wife is fussing over him and straightening the sheets.
Benny (weakly): “Has the vicar gone yet?”
Wife: " Yes, dear, he just left. And that wasn’t the vicar, it was the doctor."
Benny: “Oh… I thought he was a bit familiar.”
Y’know, one of those girls was a pre-Frasier Jane Leeves.
For some reason, I always enjoyed when he would look at a large bosom then leer at the camera and say “You don’t get many of those to the pound.”
He was also the head of the local fire brigade in Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines.
One I’ve heard about but never seen myself:
The straight man is interviewing Benny as the president of some Asian country.
SM: Sir, when was the last time you had an election?
BH: Oh, jus’ befo’ bleakfast, I think.
SM: [Highly embarrassed] No, no, sir, you’re not understanding me at all well today. I think it’s the way you roll your "r"s.
BH: [Indignantly] How you know how I roll my arse? You no see me walk!
And here’s a clip of Jane Leeves. Luverly! 
