Favourite Python quotes?

Can’t believe this isn’t done, but I’ve searched!
Hopefully I’ll be forgiven anyhow, I don’t see this subject coming up too often.

Personally, I can’t justify reducing this beyond a top 10, in no particular odrer:

Er… I forget my name for the moment but I am a merchant banker.

I should use the longest BBC rope. That would be a good idea I would imagine.

Woke up just now, one sock too many

Aah! I see you have the machine that goes ‘ping’. This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to, and that way, it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

Yes! We’re all individuals!

Oh but if I went ‘round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away.

What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

I’m glad you could all come to my little … party. And Flopsy’s glad too, aren’t you, Flopsy? (he holds rabbit up as it does not reply) Aren’t you Flopsy? (no reply again so he pulls a big revolver out and fires at rabbit from point-blank range) That’ll teach you to play hard to get. There, poor Flopsy’s dead. And never called me mother. And soon … you will all be dead, dead, dead, dead. (the crowd start to hiss him) And because I’m so evil you’ll all die the slow way … under the drill.

Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I’ll tell you something my lad. When you’re walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don’t come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit…

And the last one goes Some things in life are bad…

Moved from IMHO to CS.

“There’s just no pleasing some people.”

“That’s just what Jesus said, sir.”

From memory. -
“A watery tart handing out swords is no basis for a system of government”.

Both from the same sketch:

“You see, Mt. Killimanjaro’s a tricky climb. It’s up and up until you reach the very top, then it tends to slope away rather sharply.”


“And does anyone speak Swahili, sir?”
“Oh, I think most of them do down there.”
(patiently) “Does anyone in OUR party speak Swahili, sir?”

“Always look on the bright side of life… doo doot, doo doot doo doo doo doo” (That whole song, in fact. Are there legal copies of it for download anywhere?)

And, of courses: “Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”

Sheep don’t fly, they just plummet.

“Why, he’s fixing it with his BARE HANDS!”
“See! how he uses a spanner to tighten that nut!”

Predictable, really. An act of purist optimisism to have posed the question in the first place.

Also from memory, probable top dozen-ish in terms of my most frequent usage in conversation:

The Larch (clearly #1).

You’d like to complain! Look at these shoes…

Nudge nudge, wink wink.

Burma! (I panicked.)

Ah, Mr. Creosote, how are you feeling? Better …/A wafer thin mint?

Crunchy frog/Lark’s vomit.

St. Looney up the cream bun and jam.

Ooh. Isn’t he posh. Pardon me mater, I’m off to play the grand pianer.

The cat choked on the bleeding lupins.

Angus Podgurney you’re a foolish git.

Krakatoa, East of Java.

Various lines from the dead parrot bit.

And of course, my username.

Damn, forgot:

How do you know he’s the king? He ain’t got shit on him.

Yes, my attempts at communication are met with a whole lot of blank stares.

Albatross , Albatross , get your Albatross here.

By the way, does anyone know the name of the band that plays always look… at the end of the movie? After Idle sings it?

Apologies, AP is a foolish man.
I conflated him with a snivelling little ratfaced git.

From Grail:

ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn’t bother to carve ‘aaggggh’. He’d just say it!
MAYNARD: Well, that’s what’s carved in the rock!
GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating.

sscchhhhhhthwack… message for you sir

so who didn’t have this as the email notification sound?

Arthur Puty, are you man, or are you mouse!

It’s my leg. It’s been bitten, sort of… off.

And, perhaps my favorite, though out of context folks tend ot not recognize it:

Fires happen, colonel.
Things burn.

The ones I say the most are all from the Holy Grail: “It’s just a flesh wound” and “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!” I also tend to say “It’s just a bunny,” but no one usually gets that one.

“She’s a witch! Burn her!”
“How do you know she’s a witch?”
“She turned me into a newt!”
“A newt?”
“…I got better…”

A half a bee, philisophically,
Must ipso-facto half not be.
And half a bee has got to be
A vis-a-vis its entity, you see?
But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee,
When half the bee is not a bee,
Due to some ancient injury.