There have been times in my life where I’ve felt like I’m part of the gang, and times when I’ve felt like an outsider. It can be tougher as you get older. Friendships require effort and maintenance, not just by you but by your friends.
I used to move/change schools every year up until fourth grade, and actually, I think it gave me a bit of an advantage in that I adapt very quickly to new surroundings. This was very useful when we were putting my husband through grad school because we moved 6 times in 7 years, to four states. I’m really glad we’ve settled down now because it sucked, but I think it would have sucked worse if I hadn’t had that conditioning.
My mother raised me to believe I was stupid and ugly and nobody would ever want to have anything to do with me. It made for a very bad childhood and early adulthood.
I finally got with a good guy who got me interested in talking with people. I really have a knack for it, and generally have something to contribute to any subject. I can now talk with anyone, anywhere about anything. One good topic is asking them what they do, and then saying “Boy, you must have some good stories.”
Yeah, I’m most confortable at home, and with my immediate family. Best by myself in my yard digging in the dirt. I have a group of people I play music with, and a group I golf with, but that’s about it.
But another thing that I don’t think has been stressed yet, is I feel left out of today’s economy - and often politics. My wife and I always made a point of living within our means - when that was very unpopular. We strongly opposed invading Iraq. We have no interest in so much of the technology that is marketed - and feel as tho so much effort is expended on making us buy stuff we don’t want or need. We have very little use for or presence on social media.
I often feel I would fit in far better maybe a century - 150 years ago, when life was smaller and slower. Of course - I’d probably be dead before I reached my present age! 
I feel this way at work. I’m 41 and have been single my entire life. Almost all of my “peers” my age are married with kids. I have practically nothing outside of work in common with them, to the point I avoid department/group/holiday lunches because I don’t want to sit there in silence like a lump for an hour to an hour-and-a-half listening to everyone talk about their kids. Most of the single folks are recent hires right out of college, and I have even less in common with them. plus they’re all a bunch of arrogant “I know everything about everything” jerks.
the other one is an R/C boat racing club. this club has been around for 50 years, and almost everyone in it has been a member for 20, 30, 40+ years. They’ve got decades of stories, their families know each other, and so on. I feel like some interloper who they’d rather not have around.
One of my favorite quotes from Isaac Jaffe (Robert Guillaume’s character on Sports Night): “You open up a bit. You say a kind word, remember an important date. A small price for friendship - in fact, for what you get it’s a steal.”
Just thought I’d mention that I saw the movie *The Shape of Water *yesterday, and it made me think of this thread. I think it would resonate with many of you who feel like outsiders or aliens. It’s a beautiful parable about outsiders of all kinds. It left me feeling very hopeful.
Thanks for the suggestion. 
Yeah I always felt like an outsider , I was the only one hard of hearing in my family and in my classes at public schools . I am an outsider here too .
No, you’re not. I don’t see you that way at all. You’re an active participant.
I certainly don’t fit in at work. I’m the weird guy who knows nothing about professional sports, adheres to a strict diet, and doesn’t attend social functions.
Come to think of it, I only talk with five people on a regular basis: my three children and two of my coworkers.
Despite being a 99-er, I don’t think I have any friends here.
One of the reasons I like my job is that it’s one where I generally fit well.
I’ve been to places where the general culture was one where I fit well, others where not in a million years.
I joined Mensa after finding how many of my favorite Dopers are or were members. I’m still weird there, but there we’re all weird so it’s ok.
Growing up, at school I was always on the outside: partly due to a bad landing (hint to kindergarten teachers: if you’ve labeled stuff with pictures and you have a new kid, make sure she knows what her picture is - the picture I’d had in my previous school belonged to the class leader :smack:), partly to my own introvert tendencies, but mainly due to my mother (I wasn’t allowed to play with my classmates after school). I didn’t fit in with the main group, which for my year was unusually large and compact, but there were always enough of us on the fringes that I also had no problems finding someone to play with.
I hold you in some regard.
You’ve got respect here.
Why on earth not?
I’ve never been good with small talk. I try to join in on conversations with coworkers, but I have no opinions on gardening, reality TV, clothes, shopping, or school activities. Even the oddballs are too straight for me sometimes. I can get into nerd conversations, but I either know too much or too little to properly contribute. If somebody’s more obsessive than I am, I tend to shy away from them.
I do remember reading here on SDMB tips for socializing, which included having some kind of interest in pop topics. So, one time when I was at lunch with coworkers and had nothing to say while they were chatting, I said “How about that Kevin Federline, huh?” That actually got the ball rolling. It turned out everybody equally loathed him. I actually thought he served well as sanity control for Britney Spears and considered him an unsung hero, but nobody seemed to shared my opinion.
Always felt like an outsider as a kid, both within the family and at school. Well, not so much with my Dad, but a mother who yells at you for not having enough friends is not helpful for a kid that’s already a bit weird and unpopular. She always had loads of friends, so if I didn’t, there was something wrong with me, right? The fact that I was kinda OK with not being popular meant there was something really wrong with me.
As what passes for an adult nowadays, I’ve found my tribe of weird people in the juggling and circus community. Unfortunately, I’ve recently moved a few hours away from my old group, to go back to University in my 30s.
It’s a tiny new college, with not many extracurriculars at all, so there isn’t the opportunity to meet loads of new people there, so I’ve not really managed to find a new group of ‘my people’ here, though I’m not as much as an outsider in my class as I thought I might be.
I’m still a total weirdo at my part time job though.
You want a reasonable response from my mother? Hon, talk about shooting high!
Some factors:
- her childhood was mainly spent in much-larger Saragossa and Barcelona, where staying in the street/park in front of the school once school ended wasn’t normal;
- she considered herself above the mothers of most of my classmates;
- those of whom she considered herself the social equal didn’t view her so;
- doing the groceries was dumped on me as much as possible (more as I got older, but in general my house duties were much higher than those of my classmates);
- she doesn’t have an inner compass, so she works by external rules. The set of rules she was taught at Normal School was very rigid and probably defined by people who didn’t see free play as Conductive To Correct Socialization And A Productive Adulthood;
- and she hated my guts anyway: as soon as she caught wind that I liked something it became forbidden unless Dad happened to like it.
This thread has been enlightening about the SDMB. Thanks for sharing!
Yes, obviously we are a bunch of freaks.
That is why I am so comfortable here.