Fellow apartment resident: Don't wash bedspreads in small commerical washers!

Yes, I’m talking to you, fuckhead. The person who loaded one of our small Maytag commercial washers with a king-size fucking bedspread. How do I know it’s a bedspread? Well, asswipe, when the fucking machine is spitting out smoke, the whole laundry room smells like ozone, and the smell and smoke is emanating from your washer, that’s a big fucking clue.

Now, I’m a dumb shit myself, so I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I simply opened up the washer top, opened the windows in the laundry room, and hoped that you’d see (and smell) when you came back that you shouldn’t overfill the washers.

Well, fuckhead, you managed to fuck up AGAIN. I just got back from the laundry room (I’m trying to do my own laundry here), and I noticed that you fucking started the washer again! Don’t you smell the ozone? Or, barring that, did you notice (I sure as fuck did), that the lid to the washer is keeps popping up because you overfilled it? Or do you have your head so far up your ass that you can see your pancreas?

What’s more, this complex is (according to the front office) 75% college students. That means that you are probably a college student. Is our university’s admission threshold so low that someone as stupid as you could get in? Hell, I’m in one of our PhD programs, so maybe so.

Perhaps the little note I left will be helpful. I was much nicer in that note than I had any right to be.

College students? He or she might very possibly have no idea of washing machine capacity, or know what ozone smell means. I knew a girl my freshman year who didn’t know you could not use a heavy metal saucepan in a microwave. She’d literally never cooked for herself in her life.

Why would overloading a machine cause it to smoke and arc?

WAG: Bedspread gets twisted and jammed up around the rotor/beater/whatever in the machine, preventing it from turning back and forth properly. The motor keeps straining to make the machine work, trying to force the usual speed of rotation, and starts overheating.

Dude, college students are exactly the kind of person I’d expect to pull something like this. They have little life experience, and, while this doesn’t apply to all of them, getting into college doesn’t imply you necessarily have either common sense or respect for property that doesn’t belong to you.

I don’t think there’s anything on the SAT about proper washing machine use.

College students? That would explain why you didn’t leave a note.

I think that was what was happening, because when I came back and I saw that the person had started the machine again (:smack:), with every movement of the agitator, the lid was popping up and I could hear the motor straining.

Couldn’t have been a college student. They never wash their blankets.

Sometimes they wash their blankets when they accidentally spill four beers and one Four Loko on their bed during a party. Just saying.

Did the note say, “Dear Neighbour;
Next time you try to wash a comforter in a washing machine here, I will feed it to you.

Please, this is a college student—an adult.

Pictographs. The cruder the better.

This is highly unlikely. Assuming this person could attain sufficient cranio-rectal inversion, the most they could hope to see is their ampulla of Vater, but to access the pancreas itself would require extreme pinheadedness.

Come to think of it…

You know, I was wondering about that. I know I never did. I used a lined sleeping bag, and wiped it off if I needed to.

Plus, it would be really dark in there.

So how should she have washed her bedspread? Cut it into 2 pieces?

You take it to a laundromat with a high capacity machine. You can also bring it to a dry cleaner or a professional laundry.

Yup, because that’s how people who own their own washing machine do it if they’d rather not ruin their machine.

Let’s pretend that someone had got through a good chunk of life not putting heavy metal saucepans in micowaves because they were too big to fit and the need never really arose.

What would have happened if this hypothetical person had put the saucepan in the microwave.

Well, metal conducts heat so it would probably get super scary hot. Like when you’re boiling water, you don’t want to stir it with metal implements, for example.

I was going to comment on this, but I fear I’m being whooshed…