I really need to get a grip on this depression thing. I just don’t seem to ever feel happy anymore, I’m just constantly tired or angry and I’m hurting the people I love the most.
I realise that I probably need to go back on meds, but I also need to find a better way to explain to my kids that they aren’t the cause of my depression. I get frustrated with them not understanding just how bad I feel sometimes and then I lash out them.
Any suggestions on how I can best explain it to them? I’m sick of hurting them.
I don’t have kids, so I can’t help you there. Just explain as good as you can what’s going on…
What to do to feel better? I can at least tell you what not to do. Don’t eat, and don’t starve. I’m in therapy right now, battling both depression and an eating disorder. One is the cause of the other, but I’m not sure which one came first.
A good therapist is golden. No one should have to figure out stuff like this on their own, and a professional is the best. Not only will you get sound and good help, but you won’t feel guilty for taking advantage of someone. I’ve made a point of not talking about my problems too much with friends (although I do talk to them, I just don’t have a bawling my eyes out session with them, if I can help it), I’ll save it for my therapist. She doesn’t look at me funny.
That said, a support group, or even just one person, who’s going through what you’re going through is also very relieving. I get a lot of help from my friend, and that’s mostly because I know I’m not alone, and I’m not a freak. Someone else, who’s not like me at all in many ways, is feeling exactly like I am. Two very different people, with very different experiences in life (yet so alike) are experiencing the exact same feeling when it comes to food and eating. That’s comforting, because it helps me realize that it’s an illness, a disorder, and it’s not all my fault.
I’m getting long here, I better give your eyes a rest.
In addition to the meds, you might want to check out this book. It’s about cognitive therapy, which, when combined with meds, has been quite successful in working with and diminishing long term depression.
Also, if you haven’t talked with your doctor about your condition, I would advise you to do so.
As for your children, I don’t know their ages, but it might help to talk with them about your depression when you’re not feeling particularly down. But it’s most important that you get some help so your depression isn’t being taken out on them.
I know what you’re going through. I stopped taking meds a while ago and I’m sinking further into a depression. I shut myself off from the world when I’m like this, but I was just able to email a friend to let her know why I hadn’t been in touch and she sent me the sweetest, most caring message to me. She really put a smile on my face. So, I guess I would suggest making sure you have human contact more often. I have my husband, but he is also depressed and we tend to dwell on things together. So instead of sitting in our apartment, we go out more and spend more time with family.
I understand about taking it out on your kids. We don’t have any yet, but we sometimes get angry with each other for no reason. I think the important thing is that we realize it immediately and reassure each other that it’s not the other person’s fault, so continued anger isn’t added to the depression.
It’s hard, I know. When I’m really bad, there’s nothing I can do to be happy. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and realize you need to do something about it. That’s the first step.
Uh, reprise, if it helps, you can try a-few-beers-with-TheLoadedDog therapy. You can rant and rave all you like (just keep the Tooheys flowing). I’ll listen.
George Street again? Let me know when you’re free, m’kay?
Alcohol is NOT good for depression, in fact it’s a depressant. Yeah, it FEELS like a stimulant, but it’s a depressant. What’s more, it doesn’t mix well with the anti-depressant drugs.
I’m not anti-alcohol in all cases, just a word of warning if you have this problem.
Lynn, you’re right. Alcohol provides a false sense of well-being (or even sometimes heightened versions of the negative emotions already there), but I think a couple of beers with a fellow Doper willing to sit, listen, and help, is not analogous to sitting at home drinking scotch from the bottle. I take your point though.
Dog.
I’d have to agree with you. Someone you can trust and share a drink with is probably the best help anyone can get. Finding a person who is neutral and who’ll listen is the hard part of that equation tho’.
I deal with a lot of depression in my law practice with people suffering from it.
See an M.D. who will listen to you. This is unavoidable and the only really important advice here. Depression is a treatable disease. Neuro-psychiatry as a speciality may be a good investment. They will be able to tell you whether medication is appropriate and which one. Different people react differently to each of the anit-depresssants. Make sure that your doctor knows the difference and isn’t loyal to just one type as that would indicate to me that they do not know enough about the differences people experience. The right fit with minimal or no adverse effects might be possible if medication is appropriate.
Regular moderate exercise but check with your regular doctor first. Nothing is better for depression than a nice daily walk.
Group therapy. Find a group where you can disuss life’s stressors. Make certain you are the craziest person in the group, unless the nuttier people amuse you, but you don’t want to have anyone with problems so severe that you take them home after group. Talk therapy is generally highly recommended.
Personal observations: Get enough sleep, but not too much. Don’t stay in bed more than 9 hours. Get up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Drink lots of liquids. Most people are dehydrated.
I can’t emphasize this enough. A friend of mine is manic-depressive and when he’s on medication he’s good to go. He’s got a great job (10K signing bonus!)and the future lies waiting for him, and those are my opinions. When he’s off his meds he screws up many aspects of his life (school, friends, work) because of doubts and anger.
Remember, the doctor prescribed you the meds because you need them and there is nothing wrong with that. Think of it like wearing glasses or taking meds for Anemia: it doesn’t say anything about you as a person
Also, as someone who as been diagnosed as clinically depressed (as in, no good reason) in the past, while LoadedDog’s advice can be good for some people with a specific, isolated, reason to be depressed (death in the family, etc.) it’s not good for someone who is clinically depressed. You might feel well while in other people’s company, but the moment you get a second alone it all comes crashing back down, but worse.
And for what it’s worth I’ve read some of your posts and you seem like a pretty cool person.
Thanks for the offer TLD - can you give me a couple of days to think it over?
One problem is that when the black beast has me in it’s grip I tend to try to drink myself into oblivion. I sleep very badly when I’m depressed and enough alcohol will knock me out. It’s not a viable long-term strategy, though
Yes my doctor knows about the depression - he’s the one who put me on the meds to begin with.
My kids aren’t little, they are 21, 15 and nearly 10. I think they listen to what I say when I try to explain depression to them but because they don’t feel that way themselves they don’t truly understand what I’m saying about it.
Well, my mom is like you, and last winter her meds stopped working so she was severely depressed for a few months. It’s possible that your kids are trying to understand, but I’ll tell you, the worrying about her possibly hurting herself and not being rational when she was drinking didn’t make it easy; not to mention how angry and powerless one feels when nothing they can do can help a loved one feel better. Of course, that she was feeling suicidal and still refused to be hospitalized (which was the biggest reason I quit a job I had just started then- because I was worried she’d not be ok alone) contibuted to my own problems dealing with it. She’s fine now(new meds,) I love the job I got after that, so things are better. I didn’t do or say anything while she was depressed that I regret- so I guess that’s the best I could offer.
If you’d prefer a teetotal bbq at my place (or elsewhere) with me, my girlfriend, and the anklebiters, that’s fine too. I’m a little busy until Xmas, but usually free Sunday afternoons. Just drop me an email, and we can tee something up.
Could you try writing a letter to explain it to them. Sometimes writing out thoughts helps you feel better too , and you don’t have to give them the letter if it is too painful. But it might give you insight and focus for yourself at this painful time.
I hope you feel better. I know it is no fun to feel like this.
I just wanted to let people know that I’ve found a really helpful website which has a chatroom attached which is staffed 24/7. In case someone else would find it helpful, I’m posting the link. It’s http://www.depressionnet.com.au