Fellow tenants: New rule for elevator usage

From this point forward, every time you get on the elevator with me, I get to punch you three times in the face when you get off. However, for every floor you ride with me, you may subtract one punch. I should also inform you of what I’m calling the “mail call penalty”. If you take the elevator from the first parking level up one floor to the mail boxes, I also get to kick you in the nads or shins as I see fit. Payment is due before departing said elevator.

Every frickin day, one of you jackasses lies in wait for me to get out of my car so that you can take the elevator with me up one or two floors. It’s like you schedule it or something. “Jim, it’s your turn to piss off CS.” “No way, I did it last week. Ask Jane.” “Well somebody sure as hell better do it!”

I figure after about a week, everyone in the building will know that the stairs are right on the opposite freaking side of the lobby, not 20 feet away. Seriously, folks, they’re right there, staring you in the face. Half of you look like you need the exercise anyway.

Wheelchair-bound tenants are excepted from this rule. Well, on rides going up anyway.

Me and my phlebitis are going to just pull up a chair to watch the virtual ass-kicking you’re about to receive.

Because one can easily wheelchair down the stairs! :dubious:

Very easily, in fact. Once you wheel over the first step it’s actually pretty hard to stop.

It just takes some practice. Or, failing that, they can always tuck & roll.

Is this “invent new things to get upset about” week?

Back when I was in college, you took all kinds of shit if you took the dorm elevator up or down by less than two floors, unless you were handicapped.

There were seven floors. One year, I lived on the second floor. I think I used the elevator twice that year.

I live on the third floor of my building. I only take the elevator when I’m carrying shit loads of groceries and when I have my bike.

I lived on the third floor of a dorm once. We all usually took the stairs but would take the elevators occasionally if it was more convenient or we were worn out from a run or something. The bitches on the ninth floor gave us all kinds of shit for using the elevators. The elevators didn’t have buttons, there was a lock for each floor and your room key would turn the lock for your floor. Well, one Friday night, pennies were super glued over the locks for the ninth floor. Those bitches took the stairs for the whole weekend until the maintenance staff came back on Monday.

I generally take the stairs as much as I can - but last year when I was dealing with an awful lung infection, I didn’t.

Now, silly me, I figured the elevators and escalators in public buildings were there for just this kind of purpose. If I happened by some unbelievable coincidence to have inconvenienced you when I was dealing with this, then I hope you got over it okay, Chessic Sense.

I wouldn’t want an individual of your sterling character to be inconvenienced so.


BTW, what were you doing on the elevator yourself? Get off of there and start hauling ass up the stairs. After all, any floors you travel will inconvenience somebody, however slightly, and we know how you hate that.

Well either these one-floorers are all sick or handicapped, or they’re inconsiderate jerks. Guess which one my money’s on.

I live on the 20th floor. When I want to go to the roof on the 21st floor, I take the god damned stairs.

When I’m at the doctor’s office, the stairs are all the way back around down the hall, while the elevators are right there, and open right in front of my doctor’s office – on the first floor. Guess which one I’m taking? (Besides, there’s usually elderly individuals using them as well, so it’s just quicker that way. It’s not because I’m too lazy to walk up the stairs, but just too damned impatient)

To paraphrase an utterance I heard once on the tube in London:

Who the hell died and made you lift fascist?!

Only surgeons can use the elevators. I hear they’re often… in-patient! Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Sounds like your building needs an express elevator, or at least you would be happier if it had one.

Did you know that you can sometimes make an ordinary elevator act like an express elevator, so it won’t stop at intervening floors?

So if you can somehow keep your fellow passenger who wants to go only as far as the second floor from pressing a floor button, you’ll make them go all the way to the 20th floor with you before they can go back down to the 2nd. Mwah-hah-hah-hah-hah, I guess.

I used to take the elevator up one floor when I worked somewhere where the stairs were dark and scary and I worked at night. Sorry, get over it.

I approve of the spirit, if not the letter, of the OP’s rant. People who people who, for no good reason, take the elevator instead of the stairs to go up or down a flight or two, are probably the same people who circle the parking lot or camp out behind a vehicle that’s getting ready to leave rather than just park a few feet farther away.

However, that is kind of hilarious.

Only if we get to kick you in the nuts every time you subject us to this RO dipshittery.

I work in the 18th floor of a building. One of my peeves is when someone gets in after me and hits the button for 17. I don’t seethe with rage or anything it’s just one of those things that bugs me. Well, I made the mistake of mentioning this to my coworkers and now I can’t ride the elevator with the dastardly buggers because they will hit 17, then 18 just to rile me up.

One thing that does piss me off though are the fuckers that try to get on the elevator at the first level before I can get off the dang thing. I’m not lollygagging, damn people, give me a chance to get off the lift!