From this point forward, every time you get on the elevator with me, I get to punch you three times in the face when you get off. However, for every floor you ride with me, you may subtract one punch. I should also inform you of what I’m calling the “mail call penalty”. If you take the elevator from the first parking level up one floor to the mail boxes, I also get to kick you in the nads or shins as I see fit. Payment is due before departing said elevator.
Every frickin day, one of you jackasses lies in wait for me to get out of my car so that you can take the elevator with me up one or two floors. It’s like you schedule it or something. “Jim, it’s your turn to piss off CS.” “No way, I did it last week. Ask Jane.” “Well somebody sure as hell better do it!”
I figure after about a week, everyone in the building will know that the stairs are right on the opposite freaking side of the lobby, not 20 feet away. Seriously, folks, they’re right there, staring you in the face. Half of you look like you need the exercise anyway.
Wheelchair-bound tenants are excepted from this rule. Well, on rides going up anyway.