Fellow tenants: New rule for elevator usage

The BBQ Pit
101

Way to read the thread.

Let me use small words for you:
20 floors = ok to ride
1 or 2 floors = not ok to ride.

I bet your physique is exactly like your internet persona. I bet you look exactly like a pretentious, condescending, spoon-fed mama’s boy. And since you’re internet stalking me, you should recall that I was in the Army for 7 years. Do you think that they taught us to plant petunias and sing kumbaya?

Preach it! I went to school here, which has notoriously slow elevators and a crazy system where half the elevators are on different call systems. So of course, everytime someone called an elevator, they hit both buttons so you’d frequently come to a stop on empty floors. It took roughly 5 minutes to get out of the building from the 20th floor. This is where I developed my seething rage for all things elevatory.

But then I’ll just get off the elevator at the next floor and take the stairs…down a level.

102

Good point, dipshit. Did it ever occur to you that delivery men, furniture movers, maintenance people, and other folks moving heavy objects might use the elevator to go between adjacent floors?

The OP is clearly only calling out fat bastards and lazy assholes. Your anger and rage over it leads me to believe that you are a) a fat bastard, b) a lazy asshole, or c) both.

103

Oh hey – it’s the the Pit Police!!!

104

I guess this means that this thread has the seal of approval of the King of the Pit.

105

Good God, it’s only been, what, 3 weeks since he posted that thread? I’m already sick of this. Do we haaaave to comment on ivn police in every single Pit thread from now on? Or, as seen here, multiple times per thread? I mean, seriously, we JUST did this a page ago. See posts 22, 25, 30, 59, 61, 62, and 64.

106

That’ll make it mighty convenient for laughing in your face.

107

Maybe TGB is a fat asshole - did you ever think of that?

108

If the retarded shoe fits, might as well call him out on it.

109

Come on, man. It’s the same peanut gallery of one-line “witticism” posters that get all upset because someone pissed in their cornflakes by pointing out that they aren’t funny, aren’t smart, and probably live in their parents’ basement (and, judging by this thread, are too fat to get up a flight of stairs without a portable defib unit).

Give them their little “victories” – take it from me, they’re clicking that little red report button a lot more than I do, except they are reporting the “bad people”. Just remember that they need to feel like they belong to something, and as pathetic as it is to have to belong to a consensus of poor posters in the BBQ pit, it’s their little life raft, and we should stop and think for a few seconds before stabbing giant fucking holes in that raft and chumming the waters in hopes of a feeding frenzy.

ETA: BTW, just think about how much that must have gotten under their skin. Every time I see one of those, I get a little tingle inside, hoping that they will quit in disgust and there will be fewer threads like “I hereby pit the liquid in my ketchup bottle that makes my bun soggy”.

110

Chief, given that you bring it up in every fucking post you make on these message boards, I think it’s safe to assume that we all know you were in the Army (well, the Army National Guard).

111

I don’t suppose it’s ever occured to you that the reason the only response you get to your feeble flailings about what should or should not be in the Pit are one-line witticisms is because that’s all you are worth troubling with. As a self-appointed arbiter of All That Is Right And Proper, of course, we should be acknowledging that every word that spews from your fingers through your keyboard and onto our computer screens is a masterpiece of wit and perspicacity, and we should be cowering before your might and majesty.

Well, guess what, Pit Master. Some of us really don’t give a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut what you think of us. We don’t “click that little red report button” every time someone says something stupid, inane or bigoted because we realize that it’s not worth our time to try to correct the idiotic thinking of some people.You’re not even worth the trouble of putting on my ignore list, because I find myself amused that someone could actually think that they are The Big Shit of the Pit, and find your posturing and bloviations good for a few laughs.

I’m sure that you’re getting that “little tingle inside” now, because someone has responded to you again. Cherish it (it’s probably the only tingle you ever get, anyway), but don’t think that anything you say would ever make anyone here “quit in disgust”. You’re just not that important to any of us.

112

Your point would carry a lot more weight if so many of your little buddies didn’t actually threadshit (that’s right) by dropping in here solely to bring up another thread.

Methinks the little lady doth be protesting a little much.

(You’re the little lady, btw – I know it’s difficult for you so I’m giving you a little help on this one)

P.S.: it’s very cute that you asked for help getting the joke put forth by a porno webcomic.

113

You know, that actually gives me a good idea. Maybe some of you could take a flight of stairs if we started you off with some light jogging by rolling doughnuts.

114

Is that a fact, LurkMeister? Because alls I sees here is three paragraphs of butthurt.

115

What the fuck is the hold up here? Taking the elevator up one flight of stairs, if you are not physically injured or disabled, and are not carrying anything heavy = lazy. Done. If you want to give your whole life story about how it’s not lazy because you jogged last Wednesday, so you’ve earned it, terrific. But when you’re taking the elevator from the first to the second floor, you are being lazy.

Yes, I know, in your building, the stair case is located on Mars, or is scary, or has bugs in it. Whatever. The OP said the stairs in his building are right next to the elevators. If your stairs don’t have some bizarre story behind them, take them already! Is he kind of, well, douchey? Sure, but he’s right about people who think it is “exertion” to walk up some flippin’ stairs being lazy as balls.

116

no u

117

No–see, there’s your problem.

ANY number of floors is “ok” to ride because my time is just as valuable as yours, and if I feel like taking the elevator to save a few seconds, or 'cause I had a hard day or 'cause I enjoy pushing the button, even though you’re a precious and unique gumdrop, I’ll do it.

Don’t like it? Buy your own fucking private elevator.

(Anyone remember the Cartmanland episode of South Park? Read the OP in Cartman’s voice. It makes much more sense.

Mr Foon: Sshhhh. It ain’t right, Chris. [to Cartman and Liane] The truth is, the elevator is a financial flop. I haven’t turned a profit in years because I can’t keep attendance up.

Cartman/Chessic Sense: Oh, but I’m not buying the elevator to get people to come.

Chessic Sense: No no no! I’m buying it to keep people out! [Chris and Frank look at each other] Don’t you see? Forever it has been my dream to have my very own eleveator, so that I could be alone in it, all day, every day. I love elevators. [zoom in] But the lines! Everywhere you go, people, crowds, the rides are great, but… All the lines, lines, LINES! [shot of people waiting to for their floor from inside the elevator. Another shot of Cartman/Sense pissed off, eyes squeezed shut, with low floor numbers floating past him] If there’s one thing I hate, [a shot of two lines of people entering his head] all the lines, lines, lines, LINES!! [opens his eyes, and a moment later…] And then there get to be so many people in the elevator pushing buttons that I personally find inconvenient that I thought to set up [his eyes roll around independently of each other] a “FastPass” system. But now [a shot of people in a FastPass line] there’s lines for FastPass. [zoom out to show Cartman in line for a FastPass] You stand in line to get a ticket to stand in line later. Then there’s lines for the bathrooms! Why don’t they just hold it until they get home! [two lines for the Restrooms], lines for the drinks [Astro Food line], lines for cantakuras [Seussian characters play strange instruments for the people in line] and rare Kartankulas Plinks! [a vendor sells them - they are a fruit treat shaped like strawberries] …And, so you see, this elevator is for me. Nobody else will be allowed in it.

118

Well that was… something.

119

Dude, what the fuck are you talking about? What does this have to do with people taking the elevator up one flight, when the stairs are immediately adjacent, being lazy and inconsiderate?

120

If you usually come home with a computer, a gym bag, plus groceries and the like, you just want to be able to go to your apartment, and not have to juggle the things you are carrying so you can unlock (a) the door from the lobby or garage to the stairs, and (b) the door from the stairs to your floor. I used to live in a first floor unit above the ground level garage, but usually used the elevator for that reason.

But regarding people who use the elevator to get from seven to eight, or fourteen to fifteen? Yeah, pulverize 'em!