Female Dopers: Did someone teach you "girly" stuff?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was following Zsofia’s thread about how to befriend her 13 year old niece, and a lot of the posters suggested a makeover as a bonding activity, and as something useful since these things need to be taught, etc.

So, anyway, I got to wondering if that was common–did most people learn these things on their own or did they have a mom or older sister or some other older person who imbued them with knowledge (make up, hair, clothes, etc.).

I’m also female (shock), and looking back, my mom generally was helpful with clothes and that kind of thing, and I also never had to buy my own pads which was a plus. For things like make up, I just started wearing it last year, and pretty much just managed to figure it out on my own without somehow looking like a streetwalker.

Oh, and hair removal…moms are good for that, too, in my experience.

Thoughts?

2

My mom has completely different hair and skin than me. She’s got great, even, olive skin and straight dark hair. I’ve got pasty dry pimply skin and curly light hair. She doesn’t really know how to make up my face or my hair, and I wasn’t into learning so we didn’t do much of it.

She also has nice dainty feet and a different body shape - she waxes and wanes between plus-and-not-plus. I’m always plus-sized and have huge feet. So we don’t really get to do fun clothes shopping together either. Especially since I look like shit no matter what I put on and I’m a total crab when it comes to shopping.

But, we do have our moments. She does help me get dressed up fancy by telling me what looks good or bad, and passes on makeup tips from her friends.

So I wouldn’t say that she just set out to teach me shit, but she was always available as a trusted female advice-giver when asked.

3

It’s funny because that’s my thread, but my mom didn’t teach me any of that makeup stuff. I learned it from magazines, I guess.

Also, when I was a kid I was too embarrassed for a while to ask for menstrual supplies, so I’d steal my mom’s pads and to make them last longer I’d cut them into pieces and use them horizontally. It’s not like me and my mom weren’t close, I just had weird hangups.

I’m an only child - no older sister.

4

Lessee - I figured out how to put my hair up in rollers myself, but I haven’t done that in 30 years. I’ve never gotten into makeup - I had some mascara and other eye stuff for a while, but it wasn’t worth the bother. Heck, I had to buy a lipstick when my daughter got married - dang, that stuff has gotten expensive!!

Fashion - HAH! For years, I sewed my own clothes, and I went more for what I liked rather than what was supposedly in style. These days, I pretty much live in jeans and Ts.

Didn’t date till I was almost 20. I’ll use one purse till it falls apart, then get another. I don’t wear jewelry, except for my $12 watch (my knuckles have swollen so that I can’t put my wedding band on any longer) and I never had anything pierced. Shoes - another HAH! Mostly sneaks, virtually always flats. Hose? Dresses? Only when unavoidable - see the aforementioned wedding.

I suppose if I’d asked, someone would have taught me “girly” stuff, but I just never really cared. Still don’t. And somehow, I ended up with a girly daughter - go figure.

5

As I said in the other thread, my mom to me to a makeup artist when I was 13 or so, and she taught me the basics of how to use makeup - application, blending, a lesson on “my colors” (this was back when finding out what “Season” you are was a big thing.) After that, I was free to experiment, look to magazines and to my friends for further refinement and finding out what my personal expression would be. I’d hate to blame the makeup lady for my Robert Smith phase - she did NOT teach me that baby powder made a great facial powder or that fire engine red lipstick was my best color!

I had the book “What’s Happening To My Body” from a young age - certainly younger than pubescence. As a toddler, my favorite book was “A Child Is Born”, with all the gorgeous in utero photographs and pictures of childbirth. So the mechanics of where babies come from was never a mystery. We never had The Talk - whenever I’d have a question, it would be answered, so there was no need. Our school covered the basics of menstruation and how to put on a pad, but it was all old hat for me by the time they got to it. When I started getting my period, I just took one of her pads and put it on and when I was done in the bathroom, I told her I got my period. She got all weepy and called my grandmother, of course. :smack:

I don’t remember being taught how to brush my teeth or wash/condition my hair, but since my son and I lived with her until he was 5, I know she did these things, 'cause she showed me how to teach them to him*. I do remember being admonished - a lot - to brush my hair starting at the bottom, 'cause I was often too impatient and would tackle snarls from the top, which only made them worse. Deodorant was something that was just bought when it was time, with a not-so-subtle, “kid, it’s time to use the stink stick everyday.” I think I got to pick out my own brand and scent. Same for a bra - when I got to about her size (AA), we went bra shopping together and she had me measured by the saleslady and the whole bit.

She taught me how to shave, at my request. She did spend some time telling me I really didn’t have to, it was a pain in the ass and I’d be sorry I ever started, but in the end, she let me do it. She lathered up a bar of Dial soap and did her own legs while I watched, then watched me do mine the first time, offering some tips (“Slow down! It’s not a race!”) and a styptic pencil when that didn’t work. :wink: I discovered things like shaving cream and moisturizer from Seventeen magazine, I think.

As a teenager, when hygiene became an area of rebellion, she’d be very blunt: “Kid, you stink.” or “Whew! When was the last time you brushed your teeth?” Kind but certain embarrassment was the tool here.

My dads didn’t teach me any of this stuff, it was all Mom. Dad 1 was good for current events, history and politics and Dad 2 was good for father/daughter dances, algebra and trig.
*The one thing neither of us knew to teach him was the post-pee shake. I had no idea men need to shake the last drop or two of urine out of the urethra when done - poor thing had a really irritated penis for a while! Hazards of being a single mother.

6

I pretty much had to learn all this girly stuff on my own. I was late into it, clumsy at it, and while I can now doll up with the best of them, and enjoy doing so, there’s still something, some vibe I give off - it’s rough, and a little vulgar. I do like wearing makeup, and have a bit of a lip gloss addiction. I love the stuff, the glossier the better. I like strolling the makeup aisles to find new and interesting trends.

I love my mother well enough, but she never really took any time to dress me up or show me the girly ropes. I found my own style eventually, but I was really a jeans and T-shirts kind of girl for many years. I developed a much better sense of style and trends when I worked at a consignment shop that only accepted “cute”, trendy clothes. I had to learn what that was, and quick. The ladies there taught me far more than I’d ever learned about being girly elsewhere. From there, I figured out how to at least dress better.

I work with mostly men in a warehousing/retail setting, selling mostly to contractors - males or females of like minds as myself - generally I’m hossin’ freight and filling out HazMat forms. Our sales rep, a decidedly girly girl, tries to girl me up a bit, and has called herself my second mom on several occasions. She’s trying, I know.

I’d like to be more girly. I feel girly a lot. I do girly things. But no one ever “taught” me. My mother and I still differ enormously when it comes to beauty regimens and buying clothes. But our body types are night and day: I’m plump, large breasted (we say I get it from my dad), wide hipped, fairly tall (5’7), blue eyed and red haired. She’s a miniscule 5’, small breasted, average build, small hipped, green eyed and dyes her red hair brown or blonde (she hates the red). We share one thing in common - pale, pale skin. She wears a lot of blouses, I can’t unless I want to look like I’m swimming in the damn thing. (My current work uniform is a work-shirt style, and even in a men’s XL, my chest is straining those top buttons, so I tie an apron around the whole thing to prove that yes, I do have a waist in there, while the apron covers those poor buttons that need to be resewn every few months.)

Oh! We both like pink! I have to be careful which shades I wear, however, but she can wear any of it. That’s about it. :smack:

7

Oh, seasons. When I was a teenager I thought I was a summer, because I was a natural blonde, but now I’m thinking I’m probably a spring. Are people even seasons anymore?

Mom also got me this weird binder thing for girls that was like a subscription - every month you’d get a few more pages, so it was “up to date”. I guess it was kind of like Seventeen in that it had pages on makeup and colors and such, but also on cliques and self-esteem.

8

No, not really. I’d like to learn now, but I am disinclined to learn from books or try to figure it out online. For everything from crochet to make-up, I like to have someone guide me through on the first few passes.

And I’m not sure how to learn about shoes and clothing online/from books anyway. I figure make-up is probably doable, but clothing?

9

When I was a teenager, I mostly used magazines and fellow females to learn from. My mother would always give me positive reinforcement. Instead of saying “What have you done with your hair?!?!” she’d say “You can do anything with your hair! I really like it when you style it like __________.”

She was the one who taught me about hair removal, tweezing eyebrows, and hygiene. I never went through a stinky teenager phase because there was a smelly girl in my school who was teased terribly, I never wanted to be gross like that.

Although I still read way too many beauty magazines, now I rely on my hair stylist and the esthetician at the salon to help with personal issues. If it’s something more in depth, I check with the dermatologist.

I’d say as a teenager, I learned most of my fashion/beauty information from my peers. I would imagine it’s the same today.

10

When I was 10, my mom had “the Talk” with me about menstruation and told me where her supplies were kept. After that, she discreetly kept the upstairs bathroom stocked with pads. At around 11-12, she bought me conditioner, Neutrogena face wash, and lotion, and talked with me about the importance of washing my face twice a day and conditioning my hair.

I had cousins who were 8-10 years older than me, and they taught me a ton about make-up and clothes. They were really sweet about it and made me feel like I was in the club, not like I was some stupid little dork.

11

My mother actually feels a bit guilty because she never taught me all the girly stuff like how to do your hair and how to do your make up. I’ve told her not to worry. I was a tomboy and an odd duck as a teenager and I do well enough with such things nowadays, but I wasn’t into clothes and hair and make up when I was a teenager and I’m not into them now.

Zsofia, I remember trying to figure out what season I was and I either owned the book or checked it out of the library a few times when I was in my 30’s. I don’t know how much attention people pay to it these days, but I found [URL http://trepanrr.tripod.com/defining_your_season.htm]this link. I’m still not sure which season I am, though.

12

Hmmmm… my mother (and OB/L and D nurse) and my 3 older sisters told me nothing about periods, sex, boys or safety issues (never leave your drink unattended etc). I read Glamour and Cosmo (very skewed notions about sex in that one). I do remember my mother telling 5 year old me about a seed that a man places in a woman. She must at that point told me about the umbilical cord/belly button, but for years, I had a vision of a man (Prince Charming) dancing with a woman (Cinderella) and placing a seed IN her belly button (didn’t have an outie, so that conundrum never occurred to me). I even wondered why more ball gowns didn’t have an opening in the belly region.

I was a strange kid.
I was so naive about sex that when this college guy (who used to pick me up in his car when I walked home from HS) would come over and make out with me, I didn’t understand what he meant when he excused himself to the bathroom one day, mumbling something about me making him come. No clue what he meant, but I was not about to show it. God, adolescence was painful for me, but I digress… This was the late 70s, when sex had not pervaded every aspect of daily life. I remember the seasons! and “getting your colors done”–I was either a winter or a spring. Never sure.

I never learned about makeup, really (my mother didn’t like girls who used paint–and that was the term she used. She used mascara and lipstick, so again, no clue there…) and I still don’t do it well. Lucky for me (and I don’t mean this in a vain way), I don’t need much makeup. When I put on eye makeup, I look like a clown, so I just don’t. Luckily, I work in a profession that frowns on heavy makeup. As for hair, my mother believed in simple page boys for girls or a home trim–straight across the ends. I have never (to this day) discussed fashion or hair or makeup with my mother.

Now that I think about it, that is really very odd.

13

I think you’d be surprised what you can learn online or in books. By that I don’t mean trends and/or what’s “in” currently. I think one of the most important things about “girly stuff” is finding out what is healthy for your skin, hair, etc. If you find out what is good for you, you can save time and effort by avoiding how to cover up problem areas by having healthy skin, hair, and nails. You’ll be ahead of the game that way.

A trip to a reputable dermatologist will help you discover a lot about your skin. If budget is an issue, be sure to tell them that and ask them to recommend affordable products that you can find at the drug store. Same thing with a hair stylist. If you find women who have hair you find attractive, ask where they go. Research a good hair salon in your area and contact them about a consultation appointment. Learn about your hair. Is it fine or coarse? Is your scalp healthy? With your hair growth patterns, what’s the best style for you? They’ll take into account the shape of your face, the time you can spend on styling, etc. You might see if your local library has The Hair Bible: A Complete Guide to Health and Care by Philip Kingsley. He’s a renowned trichologist and his information is fantastic.

There is a lot of info out there. I’d just concentrate on finding the medical view on these issues first so you can be sure to be eating the right foods, using good products, and working with what you HAVE which seems to be the best first step in girly issues. With fashion, I’d go with learning about what garments are well made and timeless. Building a good wardrobe of these items allows you to have a few trendy items you can add to add punch to what you’ve got without throwing a bunch of money toward item that will be out of fashion in the blink of an eye. For basics, I’d watch for Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style on Bravo. He teaches women to use their shape to their advantage and gives them lists of “must have” pieces to help build a wardrobe.

Ok, this is really turning into tl:dr! I’m shutting up now!

14

As a guy, I’d just like to say that this is fascinating. Thank you. I always assumed girls were so good about knowing what to wear, and how to smell good, that there must have been a secret class in high school the boys weren’t allowed to know about.

15

I’m sure my mom or sister would’ve if I had shown any interest… or less resistance, but I still don’t know anything about makeup. I can barely put up my hair (when it’s long enough). I remember figuring out shaving for myself (and then for years I didn’t do it. Why should I have? I always wear pants and didn’t have a guy.)

16

As a girl, I’ve always wondered that, too…:frowning:

17

Now, why do I have this image of Freudian Slit’s Mom dragging her down the hallway by her hair?

18

My mom taught me some–gave me a book–What’s happening to my body on puberty, etc, gave me a box of pads and one of pantiliners before I needed them, gave me a box of tampons when I needed them, was always willing to pick such things up during routine trips to the store.

Make-up was a little iffier, Santa (Mom) gave me lipstick in seventh grade, and Mom gave me grief everytime I wore it about wearing too much until finally we found a color she could live with. (In fairness, Mom’s much rosier complected than I, and the color Santa gave me might have worked better on her). Couple of consults with Mary Kay consultant friends who were wonderful at the “this is how one applies blush” type tips, not so good at the encouraging experimentation bit (I do NOT understand the point of wearing neutral colors or earthtones as make-up. If you are going to wear make-up, shouldn’t the colors be fun? At anyrate, I eventually bought myself some Covergirl samplers which helped with the experimentation bit, and at present wear no make-up at all. I go in phases).

Hair removal? borrowed Mom’s razor a time or two before she bought me one, still don’t shave often–just don’t care, and it’s not like anyone’s going to touch my legs(Also, I’m lucky, I come from a not especially hairy family).

19

My mother didn’t teach me anything nor did my older sister. Most of it I learned by being teased at school. Mostly in gym class. I would go home in tears and ask my mother about bras or shaving my legs and such. In the end, a friend at my school taught me how to shave my legs during a sleep over.

The entire PMS thing was the same thing. It just happened one day and my friend told me how to handle it. What to wear and all that fun stuff.

I tried to help out my younger sister as much as I could so that she wouldn’t get teased or made fun of. So it was much easier for her.

As for make up, I still don’t know that much about it. What to put with what. So if I wear any it is normally eye liner and mascara.

I think I would have been the geek girl in high school that the popular girls scooped up and revamped. Though I wasn’t scooped up, or revamped. heh. lol

20

No, actually it’s quite helpful. If I’m really going to figure this out, on my own, this sort of stuff is exactly what I need.

About a year or a year and a half ago, I was having problems with my skin - using the same facewash I had for years. GingerOfTheNorth made a suggestion to try just water for awhile, and lo and behold it was all fixed. My skin hasn’t ever been happier than a scrub with water and some moisturizer. But after that, I don’t know.

I’ll check out the book. Several people have in the past recommended I watch Tim Gunn or What Not to Wear, but I don’t really watch TV, so I never think to seek it out.

Part of the issue with magazines, books, shows and so on is that I read it and think, “Wow they did a great job with her, but how does that translate for me?” It’s as if I can’t break it down to the basics and re-apply them.