I’m getting divorced. It is not something I feel a great need to share, and frankly it is mildly embarrassing to say this on the SDMB, given that anyone with a strange desire to unearth my posting history could doubtless find a number of posts over the past decade-plus in which I seemed extremely happily married and lavishly praising of my husband.
However, I’d like to be able to post transparently, in keeping with my circumstances. If I want to ask a question about property division, or mention a boyfriend/SO rather than a spouse, I’d like to be able to do so without feeling weird, or worrying about (an admittedly unlikely) “wait … what?” post from someone who keeps track of long-time posters and recalls that I’m a long-married person. I’ll just link to this thread if that happens.
That is all. No need to express regrets or anything at all, my fellow Dopers. I had a great, 36-year run married to someone very wonderful. Now I move into a new phase of my existence, proving that even at age 60, life can surprise you. I’m scared shitless, but also very excited about the future.
You’ll be fine, especially if you guys can remain friends. I was with my ex wife for 15 years and now we’ve been apart almost that long. We had some mutual friends in town tonight and all had a great time together. No regrets for any of it.
My empathy to you CairoCarol.
No need to be embarrassed, things happen, people change. Even though this isn’t the fun part, I’m going to say that you’re at an age where it should be less difficult a process than for most folks. (Take it from me, I’m on round 2)
Find a counselor who can show you some info on what to expect and always keep your face forward and look to the future
Divorced? Oh, my, what shame you have brought upon the SDMB.
Seriously, though, best of luck to you.
You probably don’t feel like sharing at this point, but I am interested in hearing how a marriage can last 36 years but no longer (My 36th anniversary is in 2 months).
mmm
I was with my husband for over 30 years when we split up. We still love each other, but wanted different things in the end. Mostly it was because he wanted to live more rural than I did.
I will say that I was taken by complete surprise when I was hit by a wave of grief six months after we had parted ways, which is only now, after almost two years, starting to abate.
Since the divorce was my idea, I guess I thought I wasn’t going to grieve. That was really dumb of me.
Carol, you have no need to be embarrassed and I hope you will have a smooth transition. We are here for you when or if you have a bumpy time and feel the need to “talk”.
IOW, the kind of situation which decades ago and if money allowed would have meant separate houses but no divorce. Mores change, that’s all, and with people living much longer it makes sense that more of us will outgrow relationships.
I heard someplace (no cite) that marriages are lasting as long, even with divorce, than they did 150 years ago. The old fashioned way was a spouse, usually the woman, would die.
