Fifty Fun Food Phacts

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

  1. The Sweet Tea Paradox: To quench one’s thirst with sweet tea, one must be prepared to emerge from the quenching thirstier than one started.

  2. There is a special place in hell for those who incorrectly handle and prepare avocados for consumption. The toilets and ashtrays of this particular part of hell are cleaned with the tongues of those who attempt to serve under-ripe avocados to the public.

  3. Hollywood is an elaborate front for the conspirational bedfellows of the popcorn and dental floss industries.

2

  1. Olives are Satan’s eyeballs

  2. Sprouts are his armpit hairs

  3. Tofu is his–er, nevermind

3

Eggplant actually does start life as an egg

Celery strings can be used as sutures.

Squash got it’s name because that’s what people originally did with it.

4

A precise mixture of Ovaltine™ and Bosco™ makes a potent aphrodisiac.

5

Cultures in the past used to use half a lemon or lime as diaghragm-like birth control device. It wasn’t terribly effective, but it is to this day the only birth control with that great lymon taste.

6

Brussel sprouts are actually Satan’s dingleberries.

7

And was also the true origin of the “Make 7up your’s” ad campaign.

8

Eating Pasta and Anti-pasta does NOT leave you empty.

9

Green with envy at the success of the Garlic festival in Gilroy California, Santa Cruz at one time had a Brussels sprout festival.

It died due to a lack of interest.

OK, I did not make that up.

10

Oyster is actually a Sanskrit word meaning “ox snot”.

11

Well then, asparagus must be his wangdoodle. The ironic thing is that the longer it’s left along, the longer it gets.

12

:smack: …left alone…!

13

If you were to place the contents of a regular size Corn Flakes box end to end, starting at your front door and leading down the sidewalk, your neighbors would think that you were very strange.

14

Licorice is Satan’s poop.

Whoever decided blueberries were edible was a very sick person.

15

You had me on the licorice, but you lost me with the blueberries. Blueberries are wonderful.

16

MIT is currently researching a new potential source for alternative energy. The endeavor is called the “Bouncing Bliss Battery Project”. They are attempting to harness and store the energy produced by individuals who bounce happily in their seats while eating sushi.

17

Miracle Whip is Satan’s smegma.

Real mayonaise is ambrosia.

18

Ancient Floridians did not have coffee, so they would drink orange juice immediately after brushing their teeth as a way to wake the hell up. Unfortunately, it also made them very war-like and easily aggravated.

19

The secret ingredient in the rice crackers party mix is crack.

I CAN’T STOP EATING THEM!

20

If you lift up Satan’s scrotum, the stuff you’d find there within the folds is guacamole.