Nevermore, are you always this defensive? It’s really nonsense to claim that you don’t have the problem when you came to us with the problem. Meanwhile, you are demonstrating a characteristic that you attributed to the other employee.
Dopers are very blunt. We don’t sugarcoat much of anything. You are rude to accuse anyone who offered advice of being on a “high horse.” You rang?
Oh come on guys…yes, she’s defensive. That was made clear by her initial reaction to her coworker. Continuing to rag on her is only going to make her more defensive and stuck in her ways.
She’s acknowledged that her behaviour was out of line, she’s learning that she needs to control her reactions better, and she’s taken on board the point that she can’t control her coworkers reactions and shouldn’t use them as an excuse for her own bad behaviour.
Give her time to digest and understand this information. People don’t change overnight.
Fair enough and the blame can be shared. 
As sandra_nz wisely observed, you can learn a lot from this. Good luck.
Thanks, sandra.
All I was trying to say is that hitting one pothole in a road you drive daily doesn’t mean you’re suddenly no longer qualified to drive that road. I don’t see how this translates to “There’s no problem, and why are you telling me there’s a problem.” I thought Jodi’s (and few others’) diagnosis of the problem was off, but hey, that’s my opinion.
I can see that I really can’t win here, as I’m clearly outnumbered in thinking I don’t need to seriously modify the way I relate to this person because of one fight, but ah well. I’ll be the one living my life, so if my decision is a mistake, I’ll be the one who suffers for it. Live, learn, et cetera.
Pretty much.
When I had the good fortune of working with some of my buddies while I was college age, we l made fun of each other mercilessly, all in good fun. But even if we had a crappy retail job or were bussing tables, we’d leave the “your mamma!” jokes at home.
Yes, we normally interacted like a bunch of juvenile asshats (which we were) and our insults often got pretty raunchy, but a truce was always called during workplace hours. This isn’t new. It’s not a generation al thing. It’s an issue of general workplace decorum and not getting fired.
Okay, I’m not done reading all the responses, but I’m chiming in now.
Don’t be humbled.
I, too, was amazed at all the responses asking you to prostrate yourself to your friend/coworker, and that you should never, never, ever say things like that at work. Bad girl! BAD! For Shame!
I am extremely glad that I don’t have to work with those in here making comments about HR and workplace appropriateness. Did all of you grow up in a bubble? Sorry if it’s not professional. Big. Deal. Now they’re not going to be friends, so whoopty-doo.
I guess I expected less lameness from a buch of Dopers.
Get her a card? Oh, come on. Why not bake her a frickin cake and feed it to her while you’re at it? She already apologized – twice. Now she’s got to apologize again? Give me a break.
Why is behaving unprofessionally in a professional environment not a big deal? You’re getting paid to do a job, not act like a bunch of brats on a playground. Saying “fuck you” to each other? If you worked for me you’d be out on your ass, and then you could hang out with your pals and call each other names all day.
From the OP:
Show of hands, folks - does this describe a co-worker you would choose to playfully tease - no matter what your work environment?
None - you’ve become fast friends with this co-worker in less than 3 months, even tho you’ve had several spats concerning her inappropriate reactions to you? And given her repeated tendency to react badly, you felt this was the person you ought to greet wioth a humorous insult? :smack:
The reason the older folks at work don’t joke around like you and your peers might be because they’ve seen enough of this crap in the past, and have decided we are better off without such drama. Whatever pleasure we might derive from joking with co-workers is miniscule compared to the potential hassle should you rub the wrong co-worker the wrong way. You might do worse than to listen to fossils like Jodi and dange. (Damned sexy fossils nonetheless!) 
I think there is a lot of merit to the saying “Friends is friends and business is business.” IMO, one does well to not blur that line lightly.
I don’t think the teasing is the immature part… she’d never really indicated she didn’t care for your calling her that, as far as I can tell. People tease, it’s a way some people approach friendships – my husband and I tease one another mercilessly, and then we laugh about it.
This, however:
That strikes me as profoundly immature. That is, I imagine, what rubbed many people the wrong way… it’s not the teasing, it’s the whole, ‘‘she’s ignoring me, so fuck her too I won’t be her friend anymore’’ sort of thing you have going.
However, you DID apologize, and she did too, and seems thing to be looking up. Your mutual apologies were very mature and I’m glad things seem to be patched up.
Been in the middle of this crap in the past. Made mistakes. Watched others make mistakes. Got advice from old fossils and said “you just don’t understand the hip new way we of the younger generation do things - we aren’t old stick in the muds like you - we are, like, totally cool with this. You sound like my Dad, and I know HE doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Got burned because the music may have changed, you may now be able to wear jeans in the office on Friday, and I don’t really worry about knocking myself out on a glass ceiling, but human nature really doesn’t change.
If ANYTHING, there is less tolerance for this sort of crap than when I first started in business. I took my first full time job pre-Anita Hill, and I worked for a bunch of guys who thought that a secretary should come with side benefits (shorthand being one of them to prove my fossil status - but I had a boss who hired a 22 year old nitwit in a short skirt over a 45 year old professional secretary because 'I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was sleeping with HER!"). People were told to suck it up if they were treated ‘unfairly’ at work. HR would laugh at you over something as stupid as “Smellissa” - now - nope, you’d better damn well treat your coworkers with respect or eventually HR WILL get involved.
Which is, of course, a reminder for the rest of us as well: Just because someone asks for honest opinons doesn’t mean that’s what they actually want.
Hey - I get the point! I take back what I said about Dange being sexy for old fossil! or at least the sexy or fossil parts, whichever you found troublesome! Just don’t sick HR on me, m’kay? 
I remember one particular instance involving a co-worker I’d known for about 10 years. Let’s say the relationship was friendly enough to drink way too much gin together and watch TV in each other’s room on more than one business trip.
One time we were part of a group interviewing potential hires. The 2 of us were pretty merciless behind closed doors, joking about the incompetence of the candidates and why our superiors had expressed an interest in one particular incompetent or another. So imagine my surprise when my boss came into my office to “counsel” me because my co-worker had gone to the head of our entire office to express their concerns about some of my comments that trobled them as inappropriate given the race/gender/creed/whatever of a certain candidate.
I repeat, this co-worker was as profane as I would ever hope to be, and was as jokingly critical of the interviewees on equally inappropriate bases as I. Yet I was the one who found myself apologizing to my boss’ boss’ boss, asking to be taken off the interview team to avoid any further damage to the office, and with a nice little write-up in my file.
That’s something I have no need for in my life and can easily avoid.
I act differently with work friends than I would with friends from outside work. If things get strained or broken with outside friends, for the most part you don’t have to interact, but with people at work, you are stuck. If I’m at work, I’m not there to make friends and be a fun guy, I’m there to do my job and get paid. I can be social and chat with people but most of what we have in common is the work. I do the same with professional colleagues as well. It makes my life a lot easier, and helps me avoid any drama.
We don’t work together, so you can call me a sexy old fossil anytime - but I’m only 41, so I’m really only a sexy old fossil to people who are in their early 20s. I think you have a few years on Jodi and me, so perhaps to you we are hot young thangs.
Day-um! You are a coupla hot young fillies.
Hubba-hubba!
Probably so. And yet, when HR does get called in, it often seems that at least one of the parties never expected it and cannot believe it got to that point. Just be careful you’re not that person.
Sailboat
Because I said so.
I mean really, do you expect my response to somehow change your perception of the issue?
It all depends on the job, and the individuals, and those around them. You don’t think that their are different levels of “professionalism” depending on the job involved? This isn’t a federal crime to break the “professionalism” rule, now is it?
I used to work for a financial company where the President would routinely knock on the window of his office when I was walking by so I would look in and take notice of the fact he was giving me the finger, and vice versa. No, it’s not professional, but really, who cares?
I often give customers snarky responses to their questions (again, in a financial industry). Is it professional? By your definition, no. But the cusomers love it, and remember me, and we develop a rapport.
None of this is so crucial that it’s worth getting as worked up as y’all are. She misread her friend. Her friend got pissed. She got pissed. She apologized. It’s over. Move along.
Brilliant.
I am always open to well reasoned, thoughtful responses.
Absolutely, as long as they agree with your point of view.