Fighting addiction.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

It all started out innocently. Someone handed me one, said “try it, you’ll like it.” I did, and I did.

There the downward spiral began.

I found myself eating these things, these Altoids, constantly. I always thought it was just because they were tasty and minty. I was blind to myself.

In my desk drawer I have what I call “The Graveyard.” It is a collection of empty Altoid boxes whose contents I have consumed since being at school. There are upwards of 50, and there are some that I simply threw away.

The other day I lost my current tin. I tore my room apart. My best friend observed me. “Andy, you have a problem.”

“I don’t, I don’t!” I screamed at her. Alas, I recognized the bitter truth.

I’m an Altoid addict. I love their peppermint flavor, the way they crunch in my mouth. Quietgirl is surprised when she kisses me and does not taste peppermint. I am an Altoid snob- Peppermint is the one true flavor, and all others are inferior. Deep inside me, I believe this to be true. People who insist otherwise have faced my wrath.

And yet I love them, the cheery red tins. I love the crackle of the paper, the fact that they are originally celebrated and curiously strong.

I have about an 8th of a big tin as I write. Also, yet unwrapped, tempting me with it’s shiny newness, is a collector’s edition tin. It is a thing of beauty- silver and red, with a beautiful embossed peppermint plant.

“Eat one at a time,” I chant to myself. Just one at a time, not 6, 8, 10… these are the numbers I am accustomed to. I try to savor them, fight the urge to just give in and live my life like opiate addicts of old.

If it kills me, I will win this battle.

Curse you, Callard & Bowser. Damn you to the minty depths of Hell.

2

Hey Andygirl. Have you seen the new limited edition mini-Altoid tins? With mini-Altoids!

::runs and hides::

3

I own one.

How you tempt me, you bastard.

4

Trust me, we have. shudders

And I still like cinnamon better.

5

My name is Robert and I am an Altoid addict.

Now that this is out of the way, I must say that I understand the addiction. I have over 60 tins that I have collected. My wife doesn’t understand. My parents want me to throw them away. My co-workers are always wanting one. My friends take me places without Altoids handy. I went to Sam’s once and bought a carton of them.

I have two tins on me now, one is almost gone. I hope the second lasts all day…

6

Fake-kisses andygirl

There. That didn’t taste like Altoids.

Now come over here and let me introduce you to the evil of chicken vegetable ramen noodles with an egg. You’ll forget about altoids.

7

i had one, but i’ve lost it somewhere in my dorm room…can’t find…it…losing minty fresh breath… must…find…

you wouldn’t happen to know where they’re still available or have an extra would you? :slight_smile:

8

Hi there, I’m an Altoid Virgin and so can’t really feel your pain on this particular issue. Or can I? I’ve certainly been addicted to things in the past. Or the present. Who’s counting.

Is there perhaps a 12-step program in your area that you can attend? Can you maybe find an Altoid sponsor to help you through the rough times?

ring, ring
Hello?
Hi, it’s me, andygirl. I’m feeling … I really… you gotta help me.
Andygirl, it’s ok. I’ve been through this too. You can beat it. You’re stronger than they are dammit!
But I had to walk by a convenience store on my way home … I just popped into get a newspaper, I swear … but then I saw them. They were staring at me! They were sad. I deserted them!
Andygirl, just calm down. It’s not like that.
No, it is! You’re not listening! I bought them … they’re right here with me… they want me to eat them! They WANT me to!
Andygirl, just hang on, I’ll be right over. Put them in a different room.
NO! I can’t leave them alone! They miss me! They love me!!
phone is dropped
Andygirl? Andygirl! Answer me! You can get through this… oh dammit …
maniacal laughter and crackling paper

The fact that I just wrote that entire scene, may say something about my psyche. I might need help. Anyway, good luck.

9

I, sadly, am also addicted to Altoids. I, though, also have the unfortunate coincidence of being addicted to the Wintergreen Altoids.
Not only do I deal with the ravaging pains of addicting, but the others taunt me, and call me names for being ‘untrue to Altoids.’
Screw them, Wintergreen is the best.

You know, I always a great idea for a comic book. A trio of super-heroes, each one getting their super-power from eating a type of alotoids. There would be the peppermint man, the wintergreen man, and the cinnamon man.

Isn’t that so cool?

10

andygirl, thank you for coming forward. I, too, am an Altoid addict, although I’m not sure if I’ve descended as far into the “minty depths of hell” as you have. I eat Altoids three of a time. I can’t keep my empties in the room – my roommate becomes suspicious that I’ve been over-indulging. I throw out the box the minute I’ve finished it, so it looks like I only have one tin that I’m going through slowly. I’ve tried to wean myself off of them. I’ve tried to have an Andes mint whenever I get an Altoids urge, as the Andes are less potent and the chocolate will make me feel ill if I eat too many. Alas, it doesn’t work. Once I consume an Andes, I feel guilty for betraying my beloved peppermints…

I need help.

11

Andygirl, I’m with you on this one! I always have open tins scattered around: one on my nightstand, on by my computer, one in my car, one at work, one in my purse. My SO doesn’t understand why I don’t throw out the empties when I’m done. Come to think of it…I don’t understand it either. Must be a sign of the addiction.

I buy them bulk at PriceClub/Costco and eat them two at a time (one for each side of my mouth – wouldn’t be fair to either side if it didn’t get a little round disk of peppermint goodness when the other did). I start to get tense if I’m out and notice that I can actually see the bottom of the tin that I have on me. I’ll have to duck into a C-store and pick up an ‘emergency pack’ just incase I don’t make it home.

I’ve even been known to fall asleep with a couple Altoids in my mouth.

Long Live the Altoid!!!

12

Damn you people! As i sit here reading this post, i look down and notice that i have 2 empty altoids tins on my desk. Grrr, now i have to go to the store. Thanks to this thread i had a relapse. And i was doing so well with combating my altoid addiction… :slight_smile:

-Dani

13

“I might need help.”

You needed help a LOOOONG time ago, Brunetter. But then, that doesn’t really surprise you, does it?:slight_smile:

14

I love Altoids, but I’m not addicted. How does Altoid addicition happen? Am I a mutant or something? Should I be addicted? I mean, I can make one tin last at least two weeks, sometimes three.

I have several other addictions going right now, though. Maybe that’s why I’m not addicted. I just don’t have time.

15

Do you want to know how to stop using Altoids? It’s simple.

Go to Altoids Anonymous
Call your sponsor
Change your whole frigging life

16

Not to mention, they’re a great oral sex enhancer. Works both ways…or three ways…or whatever…

oooohhhhh.
:stuck_out_tongue:

17

Mash’em up. Then get a spoon. or a little piece of tinfoil, and a lighter…

Sorry, saw Traffic tonight.

18

Bouv, Falcon- out of my thread, you cursed heathens.

I called quietgirl and told her of my plans. She wouldn’t stop laughing. So much for supporting your partner in their time of need.

Brunetter- I just can’t help it. They need me. I love them. They make me happy. They make me feel pretty and special and minty.

I’m relapsing again. ARRGH!

<paper crackles>

19

I have my tins to a friend down the hall for safekeeping.

I will beat this. I will.

Breakdown and withdrawl in 10, 9…

20

I apologize for finding amusement in your addiction. I promise to support you through these hard times ahead. :stuck_out_tongue: