The scenario : my 9 and a half year old is going to arrive home from school in a couple of hours. The school is a little perturbed with her. Actually, they are a lot perturbed with her.
You see my dear, darling 9 year old took it upon herself to fight ignorance in her own personal way and dispel the myths that her fellow 4th graders believed in respect of menstruation.
Her particular brand of fighting ignorance involved taking a quite comprehensive “resource kit” to school, which included tampons, sanitary pads, and several incredibly accurate pamphlets outlining the changes which young girls bodies undergo as they enter puberty.
So what do I do?
She clearly put a lot of thought into compiling this resource kit (it’s a hell of a lot better than what the school uses for their compulsory “human development” classes), and she has provided only factual information.
So when this little girl walks in the door later, how do I tell her that she just can’t go around “fighting ignorance” because she has access to accurate information and feels compelled to share it?
How do I look her in the eye and tell her that what she did isn’t OK? And if I do tell her it’s not OK, then how do I encourage her to keep fighting ignorance?
You tell her she did a good job, and reward her. I don’t belive she did anything wrong at all, and her school is wrong. I wouldn’t make a federal case about it or anything, but she dispelled myths and ignorance and hopefully the children around her will be a bit smarter because of it.
Maybe encourage the dispelling ignorance part, and make it celar that that is what you want her to do, but let her know that there are appropriate ways and places to do so.
It’s hard for kids to understand tact and sensitivity perfectly, but it’s worth a shot.
I’d probably tell her she did a good job and that what she did was right, but that maybe the other kids in the class weren’t ready to know as much as she knows, so she should discuss future “ignorance fighting” with you before sharing her knowledge. Sounds like you have a really great kid.
I think you should also sit down and explain to her that the grownups that run institutions such as schools are sometimes not on the side of eradicating ignorance, nor are they always respecters of free speech and general liberty, and that under at least some such circumstances it is not a morally bad thing for her to be in conflict with them.
I second robgruver’s advice, but I would suppliment it by recommending that if she were to consult with her teacher in the future, it would go a long way toward resolving any conflicts that could arise. Communication is what it boils down to.
AHunter3, yes, anywhere from 8 to 16 years, with 11-13 being where most of us hit it. I agree they should know this stuff, just not that it was necessarily something that should be shared in class without conferring with Mom and teacher first. (HOW it is presented really matters.) Most “human development” classes come way too late for some kids…
I think you should compliment her on a job well done, then let her in on the hard facts of ignorance-fighting: some people don’t appreciate it. Tell her adults, particularly those who run schools, can be very uptight about anything to do with sex. Note that what she did is not necessarily wrong just because they reacted badly; it just means that she needs to go about it with more tact in the future.
Then suggest that, to stave off future trouble, she discuss her attempts to fight ignorance with you, first.
It could have been worse - she could have decided to take “The Joy of Gay Sex” and the various Nancy Friday works to school.
I explained to her that even the teacher has to follow a curriculum which says what she can and can’t teach, so in future she really needs to check with me or the teacher first when she decides to dispel ignorance.
If I may present another view - a lot of parents prefer to do sex education themselves in their own way and time. I started talking to my daughter when she was quite young and we continue to talk. One of the things I’ve told her is to consider the source when other kids are telling her things, especially when they run counter to what I’ve taught her. We all know what myths have been perpetuated over the years, and I certainly don’t want my kid thinking that she can pregnant from French kissing (is that one still circulating?)
I also made sure to tell her that it’s not her place to educate her friends any more than it would be my place to have “the Talk” with someone else’s kid. It’s not a matter of prudery - rather it’s an extremely personal issue involving biological facts, social attitudes, and personal morals - it’s an incomplete education if any one these is left out…
Sooooooooooo, while I’m impressed with your daughter’s initiative, I’d let her know that some parents prefer to teach these things their own way and she should respect that. And maybe she should consider marketing her information kit to parents who are antsy about bringing up the subject with their kids??
My daughter’s school didn’t even have sanitary product disposal facilities up until a couple of years ago FCM and the parents of girls who were menstruating had to push for them to be installed.
One of the reasons personal development was introduced into our primary schools was because there were inevitably a percentage of students whose parents - for whatever reason - simply didn’t explain the facts of life to them in time for the information to be useful. I’ve listened to a lot of horror stories from teachers who’ve been through the “Carrie” horror story with girls totally uninformed about and unprepared for menstruation.
Irrespective of the personal wishes of parents and the curriculums of schools, children talk about things in the playground at the age when those topics become of interest to them - and they quite often get inaccurate information as a result of getting it from the playground.
I think many people find it hard to wrap their heads around the concept of 8 and 9 year olds discussing menstruation, sanitary protection methods and drug usage in the playground, but the reality is as the average age for the onset of puberty gets lower, so does the age at which these issues are being discussed by our children. In my day, those conversations were taking place around age 11, a generation later it’s a couple of years earlier. I think what we need to do is create an awareness in parents that their own child is no less likely than any other child to be at the lower extreme for the onset of puberty, because it is difficult to reconcile the fact that the girl playing with her dolls today could quite literally be menstruating tomorrow.
That said, I’m amazed at how many of my older daughters friends still had incomplete information by the time they started menstruating, in spite of the fact that their increasing bra sizes were a pretty good indication that puberty was on its way. I guess we can sometimes overlook the obvious in our desire to hold onto the idea that our children are still only “babies”, and I don’t think gentle reminders from schools that “you may want to discuss these things with your child before they are formally taught in year X” can do any harm.
I think it’s kind of sweet that she cares enough about the teeming millions to educate them, but of course she didn’t know how inapropriate that would be in a school setting.
Tell her some things may be morally right, but are frowned uppon by those seeking to control or subvert society. Oh, and give her a large red flag with an Anarchist sign on it from me, just send the bill to my house
