I believe in soulmates. She is my best friend. I think people who don’t believe in the concept of soulmates, have yet to find theirs. If asked a few years ago, I too would tell you that soulmates don’t exist. I suppose there are a million reasons one could mention to disprove the idea of soulmates, but I only need one reason to believe, and I know it’s true when I look into her eyes.
I found my soul mate once, or so I thought. The man was my best friend before he was my love, and I suspect he’d make a very good Doper. Then, basically, life happened, and he faded out of my life. I haven’t heard from him for years and I’ve no idea where he is right now.
A friend of mine ran the odds and numbers and convinced herself that a friend of mine was the only man in the world for her, despite evidence to the contrary, including the fact that he didn’t feel the same way about her. Things ended badly.
WillSantini, a dozen years ago, I would have agreed with you. 9 years ago, and maybe even now, I’d ask you if, having found and lost the man who gave every evidence of being my soulmate and who returned the sentiment, am I destined to never love again? I don’t buy that, nor would it be a good idea for me to buy that – I tend to slip into an old pattern of thinking I’m unlovable.
I believe there are people we recognize, and there are people we’ve known longer than the number of years since we met, but I don’t believe we’re meant to have only One True Love in this life. If we are, I might be doomed.
Isabelle, I’ve got a question for you. Have you thought about what having a married soulmate implies? Should he leave his wife for you? What if he thinks she’s his soulmate? I am a very firm believer in honor and keeping my word. I would not associate with a man who left his wife for me, and I wouldn’t consider such a dishonorable type my soulmate. Then again, that’s me and my standards.
CJ
I was a big Richard Bach fan 10 years ago, but I haven’t read a book since. I just learned in this thread that he divorced from his “soulmate” Leslie.
Well, it does not shock me, it does not surprise me either.
However, I do believe in soulmates. IMO, the concept of a soulmate is necessarily religous, not just because of the term “soul”. Soulmates are not “just” together to experience happiness and luck. They are also together to learn from each other, and this can be painful.
I do believe, that there is a purpose in this life, and that we are here on this planet to learn lessons, that we are here for spiritual development. Soulmates are one more aspect of that: We have them, because they are our perfect learning partners. They do have the exact characters we need to develop ourselves. That also means that they sometimes trigger very painful experiences in the relationship, which need to be overcome through personal development.
And: we can’t fulfill our lives through others. Searching and longing for a soulmate is not necessarily bad, but we should not rely on a soulmate to value ourselves, our lifes or what we are.
Richard Bach and Leslie might be soulmates and they might have failed in their efforts to learn what they were supposed to learn from each other. Or not, we will never know.
I think I found my soulmate. But our relationship is not at all always sunshine and smile, far from that. She makes me discover all the nasty things on me which I didn’t want to see, and that is VERY painful. And I think I have the same effect on her.
One invents and builds a “soulmate” over many years, and only in active cooperation with the “soulmate”. Either that, or one concocts a fabric of self-delusion and fantasy about a person that one has just met. The first is a lot of hard work, so it doesn’t appeal to the vapid. The second is tailor-made for the vapid to embrace.
Not necessarily. The thing is that the “one magical person” has to be cultivated mutually over decades. As the other person becomes the “one magical person”, you become the “one magical person”. It’s a matter of many years of mutual and intentional work on the part of both people. Anything less is really just adolescent maundering.
Why is this in Great Debates? No, there is no such thing as a “soulmate”.
There are many people a person can fall into love with. I’m sure there are many people a person can have a successful marriage with. But I also believe that every person has a soulmate. And just because you may lose contact with that person, doesn’t mean you will never love again.
Soulmate doesn’t have to equal marriage. I’ve found my soulmate, and I doubt I will ever marry her. Marriage is a man made concept. Sharing a soul goes beyond social constraint.
I don’t speak for anyone else, and my experiences are just that, my experiences. Everyone has beliefs and convictions, I know I have a soulmate.
It’s a nonsensical concept. I mean, I’d like someone to explain in plain English just what a soulmate IS. I suspect “uhhh” would be the most commonly used term.
Can you find a terrific spouse to love and spend the rest of your life with, somsone who suits you to a T? Absolutely. Things will not always be perfect, but it can be done. Does this mean you are predestined by fate to be with just one human being? Of course not; it’s baloney.
Baloney, why? Cause it hasn’t happened to you?
It’s baloney because there is no reasonable, verifiable, falsifiable mechanism or explanation underlying this so-called phenomenon. All it is, is a silly romantic notion that begs more questions than it answers. So many people die alone, or enter unsatisfying marriages out of desperation, or suffer the pain of unrequited love, that the generalization that “everyone has a soulmate” is clearly baloney; to each and every one of these people as well as to the skeptical observer.
The economy of sex is a transactional economy just like every other economy. People transact values. This means that beautiful women pair off with handsome or rich men, and lesser women with lesser men, and so on. People shop around. People make do with whatever they can get. There is no romanticism to this whatsoever, at least no more than buying the best car you can afford at the moment.
It’s also baloney (bologna?) because no one can adequately define what a soulmate is. Give me a reasonable definition to work with, and I can argue for or against its existance. But without a reasonable definition, discussion is pretty pointless.
Again, why is this in Great Debates?
I don’t believe that anyone has “one true soulmate”. I believe that there are lots of people out there that one could reasonably form a happy, long-lasting partnership with. But I find the fact that you keep asking above question to be annoying. Condescending, even. Essentially, you are saying “there’s no such thing, therefore, there’s nothing to debate, so shut up about it already”. FWIW, atheists could say the same thing about any thread concerning God, and we all know that those threads belong here. My point is, just because you don’t believe it, doesn’t give you the right to be rude and/or condescending to those who might.
Does everything have to be spelled out for you to understand it? Does everything need an explanation to exist? As I said earlier, I’ve had my experiences; and looking into her eyes is all the explanation I need.
I have no questions about my soulmate. In fact I have more answers about myself, through her, I have learned much about myself and about life.
They didn’t find their soulmate. Maybe in the next life (if such a thing exists).
I don’t look at sex as an economy. I don’t see my soulmate as “sex”. If I all ever get to do is hold her hand and see her smile, I can die a happy man. Many times I have just sat there and stared at her beautiful face. Being happy, not by sharing our bodies, but by having her in my company. Not that I don’t want to express my love to her in a physical manner, but there is more to her and me than wanting sex, more than just physical senses. It is having two bodies but sharing one soul. Making the other complete.
It’s not a matter of “making me understand”. It’s a matter of convincing me and convincing every other skeptic like me of absolute baloney.
Anyone can come up with unreasonable, unverifiable, unfalsifiable theories that purport to explain the workings of the universe. Invisible gnomes that steal socks out of the dryer. Seven-headed monkeys that give blowjobs to sleeping men right before they wake up, thereby causing morning wood. Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Mother Goose, whatever.
It is not enough for an explanation to be compelling to your imagination and to make you feel all warm and fuzzy and ooey gooey inside. It also has to be correct and demonstrably so. Otherwise it has no worth as an explanation; it cannot even said to be correct in any meaningful sense.
**
Just wait till she finds a guy who’s hotter, richer or more famous than you, and then dumps your ass for him. Women do that all the time. Then we’ll see if you still go on believing this nonsense.
**
How can you show that these people had a soulmate and didn’t find them, as opposed to not having a soulmate in the first place? Your theory of soulmates is circular, because it assumes the truth of the theory, and then appeals to the theory to explain the glaring holes in itself.
More specifically, why didn’t these people find their soulmates? Why did you? Are you better than them? Are you of a chosen people? Do you come from a more worthy race of humans? What makes you special?
**
Too bad. It is nothing but. Everyone wants it, so there are barriers to entry of getting it (no pun intended). People with whom most people desire to have sex, have set their prices (so to speak) proportionally high that only a few people can afford to have sex with them, by virtue of being equally desirable in some culturally contextual sense of the word. People with whom fewer people desire to have sex, will find themselves lowering their prices to levels that the market will bear, or else lead a sexually frustrated existence.
Really, just take some econ courses. This isn’t rocket science.
**
You are already complete. You are a self-sufficient organism, bodily, mentally and emotionally – assuming you’re not severely disabled. You yourself are responsible for making your way in the world.
Your way of thinking is dangerous because it will motivate you to hurt others – or yourself – when you inevitably get dumped. For all their romantic inclinations, women are essentially more reasonable and committed to the economic principles of sex, and will find themselves powerfully attracted to more alpha males. When the hormones come calling, promises of eternal fidelity go out the window like yesterday’s trash.
I wish for your sake that you reconsider your thoughts and see the glaring holes therein. It doesn’t matter to me what you think, of course, but it does matter for your eventual well-being.
Having lived a non-monogamous life and successfully maintaining simultaneous relationships in parallel for decades, I was discussing the issue with my monogamous nephew the other day.
I asked him about the wisdom of putting all his eggs in one basket (no pun intended).
His answer: Oh, I plan to put all my eggs in that one basket. But I am going to watch that basket so carefully for the rest of my life that it will never fall and break the eggs.
Then his brother (my other nephew) is so well, living a bachelor life, that he has no intention or interest whatsoever to look for or find a soulmate.
I suppose you could say that while I have found several “soulmates”, each having unique characteristics – one of my nephews has found a single sole soulmate, while the other is very well without any.
Moral of the story: To each, his/her own. And no one needs to “inevitably” hurt, get hurt, dump or get dumped by anyone.
We are not a couple, and the only way she could dump me is if she refuses to be my friend. She’s my best friend, and according to her, I’m her best friend, that is all I will ever ask of her. (Besides the occasional marriage proposal.)
I don’t know why some people don’t find their soulmate. I don’t know why I found mine. Perhaps it was predestined to happen. I don’t consider myself better than anyone. In fact I’ve done some pretty awful things that some might consider me on the lower end of the scale.* Worthy race of humans?* I wasn’t aware there was more than one race of humans. What makes me special? In a worldwide sense, nothing. On a much smaller, individual basis, she makes me special.
Physically complete, yes I suppose I am. Mentally I could probably stand to learn a few more things. Emotionally complete because she makes me so. Maybe I’m reading you wrong when you say “making your way in the world”, but making one’s way in the world, I doubt, has anything to do with finding or not finding a soulmate.
As I said above, we are not a couple. We are best friends and soulmates. Our relationship has nothing to do with the economic principles of sex. I gather from your thinking a man and a woman can not be friends without sex getting in the way…?
Again, if she feels like having sex with someone, who am I, her friend, to say anything about it? The only thing she has promised eternally is her friendship.
I don’t believe the whole soulmate shit,
I agree you mayfind someone you can share things with, life , your body etc. But finding the perfect mate, the one meant for you. HELLL NO, that’s best left for DISNEY movies and Lifetime movie of the week.
I got a friend who just got engaged about a month ago, He claims he has found the person he is going to grow with blah blah blah. His soul mate.
Given what I know about his fiance, its all going to go down in flames.
SO yeah I sound bitter, but hey at least I don’t live with rose colored glasses on my face.
Maybe he’s okay with the way she is? Who are you to say she’s not his soulmate? Do you know what goes on in their private life? Do you know what goes on behind closed doors? Have you heard everyone of their conversations?
One can choose to not dump or not hurt one’s partner. One cannot choose to not get dumped or to not get hurt. We cannot make other people do or not do the things we wish of them.